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Kal had a complicated life. Since he was born the niveis had always been pulled every which way, never really setting his own path in life as he molded himself to what other people thought of him. That was a part of himself that he struggled with throughout his many years, the mind games his father had played on him leaving a permanent scar on him that he didn't think would ever truly heal. And Kal had tried to deal with those feelings himself for a long time, when he first came to Evermore he was a shell of a person, he had lost his lover, his family and himself, for a while he couldn't even bring himself to get out of bed in the morning.
All of that had been around 40 years ago and yet the ice-phoenix still felt like it was yesterday sometimes. Kal had found out about the support group through a friend who often visited the shop, the two of them would talk often and it became a highlight of his day to have someone to talk to, it helped him not to feel quite so alone in this big city. Which is why when they suggested he visited the group Kal had hesitantly decided to show up. At first, he wondered what the point was, everyone would sit in a circle and talk about their problems, the group was 90% supernaturals who had been through equally screwed up lives. But after a while he realized, it was a way to remind himself that he didn't have to be alone.
And so he kept going, at least once a month for the best part of the past 15 years. Kal had seen people come and go, a lot of people got better and moved on with their lives, others came for one session and never came back, but there were a few constants, the listeners of the group who came back time and time again, much like himself. Nowadays it would feel strange for Kal not to go to the group, he found it therapeutic to talk about the things he was going through and it was especially helpful now that his sister had come back into his life. Today's session was a busy one, he noted as he walked into the room, smiling towards a few regulars he recognized and making himself tea from the dispenser at the back of the room.
The niveis noted a lot of new faces today, which meant that Richard, the current leader of the group, a particularly friendly and kind therianthrope, had probably been passing out flyers again. Once Kal finished making his tea he carried it over to his usual chair to the left of the circle, his eyes scanning over the different people seated around him. He waved a hello to the woman, Emma, who had met for the first time at the last session, glad to see new people finding use in coming here. Kal was generally one of the more confident presences in these meetings, thanks to the fact that he was so used to them nowadays, he didn't have a fear of speaking though he did understand those who did, at first when he came all he did was listen.
Pretty much everyone was in their seats now and the niveis prepared himself for the usual introductions and talk when he heard someone else walking up the corridor, he gave Richard a curious look wondering if he was expecting anyone else when a tall male with sandy brown hair rounded the corner and entered the room. Kal arched his brow as he gazed upon the male, he didn't seem the typical kind of person they got here which instantly made Kal curious, leaning forward on his seat a little, the male was handsome with bright oceanic hues that seemed to be glued to the ground. Nervous perhaps? He thought as he glanced over towards the leader of the session again, this was going to be an interesting afternoon, the male pondered to himself as he leaned back in his chair.
Loneliness had always been something Wes had struggled with for all his life. He might of had people all around him but couldn’t help to feel that he was alone. One who was watching the world and everyone around him but felt invisible. A problem. Someone that should be here. Wes shouldn’t have been born. Abandoned after birth. Unwanted and alone. A problem. The dark thoughts he tried to keep to him were always trying to come back. Haunting him every moment of the day but always showed to others he was all fine. The stress, pressure and anxiety bubbling up bubbling up but keeping it inside. It wasn’t all bad when his younger sister Natalie was around. She was always the light in his darkness. Helping him through all his worries and problems. Emotional teaver.
Now she was gone. Stuck in a coma. In a forever sleep. Wes didn’t know when she’d wake. Or if she ever will. Thats whats the doctors are predicting now as it’s been so long since the accident. No progress, nothing. It was like she was in a living and breathing cell. Wes wasn’t going to give up on his sister. She was all he had left. Gripping on the last bit of happiness in his life. Believing that she’d wake up one day but not knowing when it would be. Wes’s life changed after Natalie’s accident. Putting his whole life on hold, well not exactly. Weeks, months into everything happened he was kicked, more like sacked from the Theatre. Where he’d been working for the past year or so. For turning up late, hungover and still drunk at times.
Finding solem in alcohol helping to cope with everything. He wasn’t an alcoholic but found it something to turn to each night. Forgetting what time he went to sleep. Waking up at weird times. Wes knew that he couldn’t carry on living like this. It would lead to a miserable life. When he wasn’t at the hospital he was at his apartment alone. It wasn’t so bad lately, gaining the company of Rowan. Who was practically his best friend. Nearly living of his couch. Maybe more so for someone to be there looking after him. Making sure he’d not completely gone off the rails.
A few weeks back Wes had noticed a flyer pinned up in one of the waiting rooms in the hospital. A news board along with some help lines. Wes had always been one who choose to ignore it all but something made him stop and look. Maybe it was himself admitting that he needs to find some help. Somewhere. On the flyer was information about a support group. For those who were going through rough times. For people who were suffering with depression, stress, anxiety or their lives were screwed up. Like his was. He knew if he doesn’t look for help soon he’d be kicked out his coven, he was at the brink of it now.
Wes thought for weeks whether or not go to the meetings. Not knowing if it was a good idea or not, or if it'll make things worse. If he’d be the outcast in the group or find himself somewhere he didn’t fit in. Here he was standing in front of the community center that's part of the human territory. Trying to pick up the courage to go inside the place. Or whether to turn around and try to come back another day. He was already late, the meeting was basically already starting. To when he decided to go in. pushing open the the glass doors. The Diviner wandered down the empty corridors, looking at the walls filled up with different displays. Feeling the anxiety fill his body as he was nearing the room where the meeting was.
Arriving at the room seeing everybody gathered around in a circle. Something he’d had imagined it would be like. ‘Was he too late?’ he thought to himself looking around but keeping his head down. “Am I too late to the meeting?” He questioned looking around confused, feeling bit out of place. Wes was taken back almost, catching the gaze of another. Their eyes connecting for a moment, getting lost in his Dark Brown eyes. Lifting his head fully he got a better looking of the male, seeing he was Asian with dark hair with little bit of stubble. Wes soon averted his gaze from the male not wanting to seem like he was staring at him. Not knowing why he was thinking about him not knowing what he was feeling. All was unknown to him. Wes soon took a seat few seats down from the male not knowing that he was being glanced at from afar. Waiting for the meeting to start not knowing what to except or get from the meeting.
The male’s voice was husky and deep, something that suited the rugged way he looked. The whole group’s attention turned to him when he spoke, surprised to have a last minute addition but it was Kal who met the stranger’s gaze for just a few seconds. The dark-haired niveis’ lips parted slightly as he stared back at the male noting the way his eyes stood out even more now. He felt like the breath just knocked out of his chest for a few seconds before eye contact was broken. Kal cleared his throat forcing his attention back towards Richard who insisted the other male was welcome and prompted for him to take a seat.
Kal’s eyes moved to the only chair empty in the circle opposite the other side but moved this gaze before the newcomer sat down, not wanting to make him feel weird or awkward. The niveis was curious though, to know his story, he would have known if someone was bringing a friend to the meeting so this was someone who came of their own accord. That took strength. Kal commended the other male in his mind on that point alone. Kal had come to these meetings initially because his new friend had thought it would be good for him but he had to admit, they did help. They didn’t solve the problem, he wasn’t sure anything could ever really completely fix the screwed up way his mind worked now. But they did give him a reason to want to leave the shop every once in a while which was enough, he found when dealing with his mental illness it was all about the little victories.
And then the meeting began, Kal had been attending these for a long time and had seen many different leaders come and go but he’d always liked the format of them, pick a topic, open it to the floor for discussion, let people contribute as little or as much as they wanted. No one was made to speak if they didn’t want to and there was no humiliating forced introductions. The discussion was kicked off by one of the women in the circle who talked about a particularly hard day she’d had that month and what had been going through her mind. Usually Kal would giving his full attention to the person talking but today his eyes and attention kept wandering over to the new male, curiously watching his reactions to the things being spoken.
He was still listening to the discussion however and chimed in when he had something relevant to say “I think sometimes on the worst days you just need to accept that getting up and having a meal is enough” he commented thoughtfully, his dark hues showing truth to them, there had been many days like that for him, days where he couldn’t face the world and so he would leave the curtains drawn and the shop sign closed. He couldn’t keep being angry with himself for not having constant strength, self-loathing was what tended to make it worse after all. He quieted as the discussion continued his eyes once again drifting over towards the other male who he noted was very quiet thus far. Then again, so were most on their first visit, it was intimidating to admit you wanted help after all, but the first step was showing up.
Wes couldn’t help to feel out of place, to start off with. Always being the one to feel uncomfortable around new people where it times him a while to get used to new people. Especially in a group of people who were all struggling with their own problems. Made up of people all suffering their own problems. That’s why their all. Like himself yet he wasn’t properly ready to admit that he was suffering with deeper issues. Already taken the first step today. Having the courage to go to a meeting with complete strangers. No familiar faces. No one for support. Entering the room Wes noticed how everybody’s attention was on him. Someone who was making a last minute appearance. Wes always did know how to make a dramatic entrance when he wasn’t even trying. With all eyes on him there was only one pair he was looking at. For a moment it was like they were the only ones in the room. Just for a moment. Then reality came flooding in and everyone was back around them.
Drawing his attention away to the group leader or the person who must be incharge. At the center of the circle leading the group. Wes found out he wasn’t late, he was on time to the dot. As people say ‘early is on time. One time is late’ yet it wasn’t a motto that Wes ever used. Always being the one who was late to everything. Easily losing track of time. He couldn’t help it. Here he was. At a place he’d never found he’d find himself. Seeking help with others who is just like him suffering with their own deep problems wanting to find a place where to share their thoughts or give advice. Wes wasn’t sure if anyone would have any advice for his troubles and worries.
Taking a seat almost opposite the mysterious male. As the meeting was starting, Wes listened into all being said. Making sure to listen trying to figure out the flow of the meeting. Taking it all in. Occasionally glancing over to the mysterious male. Missing each others gazes. Yet nobody else noticed. Wes didn’t even know what it meant. Directing his attention back to the meeting leader who he soon learnt name of, Richard. Almost quite fitting really. A typical groupie leader. Wes didn’t know how these meetings went whether there’s different topics. Or if people spoke when they wanted to. Something he’d soon figure out.
To start of the meeting was a lady who was telling of her struggles. Something that Wes knew well, having been in the same situation a lot. The days when you don’t feel up to face the world, wanting to stay in the comfort of your own home, own bed. Not wanting to open the curtains, keeping them closed and everything away. Shutting everything, everyone away. A voice that chimined in after making Wes lift his head up, almost instinctive. Able to guess who had spoken, the mysterious male. “To keep the darkness in, not letting the light break through. Not ready to face the world” Wes marvelled speaking his thoughts out loud looking over to him. He didn’t know if he was allowed to interrupt over people not knowing how it works. “Sorry, am I able to talk or?” He chuckled sounding nervous, not used to speaking in room full of people he didn’t know. Wanting to contribute something, to get something from the meeting. Seeing if it was for him or whether to continue suffering seeking no help like he’d been doing for most his life.
Kal knew the feeling of being the newcomer to the group, he’d been there once upon a time, though back then it was in some guy’s apartment cause the community centre hadn’t been built yet and it had been about 4 people, none of which still attended now but the spirit was the same. So he got it when he saw the hint of anxiousness in the male’s body language. But as their eyes met for just a few seconds there was another feeling that washed over him momentarily, the feeling like time slowed down just a little. And then as quickly as the feeling came it faded as the situation they were in came back to him, the niveis parted his lips for a moment in confusion as to what that was but he kept silent, shrugging it off.
The talking always ended up on the same kinds of topics, a lot of the supernatural suffered from depression and Kal really couldn’t blame anyone for that, especially those who were immortal and had the prospect of living forever on top of all the other things going on in their heads. Kal tried not to think about that too much, it was a wormhole he could seriously get lost in for days, weeks even. The topic of getting out of bed in the morning, however, that was something he could handle and he had gotten pretty good at dealing with his own tendencies when it came to that situation, there was a time when Kal would have just gotten lost in that.
After he spoke he was a little surprised to hear the new male speak, without hesitation Kaldre moved his eyes over to him and gave him an impressed expression which turned to a sweet chuckle when he asked if he was allowed to talk, cute. Richard spoke, confirming that everyone was able to contribute as little or as much as they wished to the conversation but Kal was too busy pondering over the words the stranger had said, they were dark, a reflection of a place Kal recognized himself having been in before and probably one he would be again.
He cleared his throat before he went to speak again, wondering if he could gauge the other male further through response “Exactly, sometimes the energy just isn’t there and I don’t think there is shame in admitting that” he spoke scanning his eyes across the group so it didn’t seem like he was awkwardly only talking to one person. Kal was a regular speaker in these discussions now but there had been a time for a few months where he said nothing at all, really he was impressed the blue-eyed male was so open to joining discussion so quickly “Do any of you keep a self-care list? You know those little things most people take for granted but you feel proud for achieving?” his eyes moved back to the male, wondering if he’d pick up on the questions subtly being directed at him “Mine would be the somewhat…” he paused “superficial things, combing my hair, getting a shower, that kind of thing” he was glad to not feel shame when he was in this space, that’s what made it so helpful for him.
Wes didn’t know how often these meetings happened and how long they took. Forgetting almost to look at the poster more clearly. Only caring to take notice of of the time and place of the meeting. Thinking he’d learn and figure it out when it comes to it. Almost trying to admit to himself he was overthinking everything. Thinking that he doesn’t need help. Yet here he was in the group. Proving himself wrong almost. Here he was. In one of the places he never thought he’d be. Group meetings was something he’d never thought he’d need now was thinking it might be. Wes was looking around the group at all those all gathered around. Seeing all different types of people. Who were all struggling with with their own issues. Stress, anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug additions. All here for a self-health group. Yet Wes wondered which part he fit in. Probably the first 3 but not the last two yet nothing to say he hadn’t dwelled into it.
He wondered what different topics would be spoken about, whether any would be beneficial to him. If any would be ones he could feel similar to. Or if it’ll be the opposite and Wes would be wondering why he was here in the first place. When the woman spoke about struggle of waking up each day was something he knew well of, as well as most people gathered here too. To find the struggle of getting up each day. Only wanting to stay in bed where nothing was able to get to you. The place where you are most safe until ready to face the world. To face reality.
Sharing his own thoughts with others continuing on with what the mysterious man was saying. Joining onto others thoughts, like they were his own. Thinking the same. Not judging for what Wes had said, carrying it on almost. At the mention of self-care list, something he hadn’t taken much thought about before. Unknowing that there were something he did for self-care that he never knew he did. Having to take a moment to think that were his own ones but were probably very similar to everyone else's. “I guess mine would be nearly the same as yours, taking a shower, clean clothes, if I was up for it I would go for a run to the gym” Anything to help clear his mind from his thoughts even if it was a short amount of time. Exercise was one of the things that he found to help the most. Blowing off steam. “Taking one day at a time I guess. Making progress even it’s only something little”
The group had always been a safe space for Wes, at first he had been doubtful about whether it would help him but every time he came, he found himself surrounded by like-minded people, those who struggled with the world around them and who were open to admitting those weaknesses in themselves existed but also taking action to do something about it. He always found it a little inspiring when he saw a new face in the room, knowing how far they had already come in their own self-care to decide to be here. But to be talking so openly on their first day here, that he admitted, had him a little blown away.
The conversation continued for a while, covering the topic of how self-care could be turned into a routine and a routine was one of the keys to really fighting the battle they all faced. Mostly his eyes just kept drifting to the blue-eyed newcomer though, curious by his reactions and comments ”I don’t think it’s about winning the war every day, but winning a few battles, that can make the difference between a good one and a bad one” he chuckled softly. The talking continued for a few more minutes before they eventually come to the end of the hour. The dark-haired Niveis kept watching the blue-eyed male, only turning away a couple of times with a smile on his face every so often when the other male met his gaze for a few seconds.
As soon as the meeting adjourned Kal got up from his seat, he initially wanted to head straight over to the mysterious male and introduce himself but the moment they could, people from the group flocked around to comment on some of the points he had made during the session. His eyes were searching over the crowd for their newcomer though. He excused himself pretty quickly before moving through them to see the male heading for the door. Kal sped up his pace a little to catch up with him before he could disappear “Can’t wait to get out of here huh? I was the same on my first meeting” he admitted, hoping that starting the conversation like that would get the ocean-eyed man to give him the time of day.