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Losing Yourself (Open to Dakota and Austin) COMPLETED

As she slammed the door for the last time the brunette finally allowed herself to breathe, in and out as she tried to get a handle over her emotions but every time that she tried all that she saw in her mind was them together, together in the bed the two of them shared. She pressed her back against the door and slowly sank down into a ball, her arms hugging around her legs as the tears just started to flow. Dakota had put the last 10 years of her life into this relationship, she had done everything she could to support him through every up and down but now she finally realized, she wasn't enough and she never would be.

A sob wracked through her body as the very thought, lifting her hands to wipe her eyes as though it would stop her eyes from looking puffy. As she pulled it back however all she saw was the black smudge of the make up she had been wearing before everything had gone down. He had begged her to listen but there was nothing that he could say at this point, she'd know for a long time now it was over, she had fallen out of love with him over the months, slowly feeling less connected to him the more he pulled away until she had given up fighting for it. She knew she should have been honest with him but it was just too easy to stay, to pretend like things were perfect when they weren't.

Instead she was now left broken, sitting on the floor of the apartment she shared with him and suddenly every little thing around her felt wrong, like it was out of place in her world now. She closed her eyes letting out another sob to which the room shook a little and a lamp from on the table fell down smashing into pieces. She sighed heavily in frustration forcing herself to pull to her feet to pick up the broken pieces of china but she just ended up throwing them down on the floor, they looked better broken, representing the way she felt right now. She sniffed wiping back another round of tears as she looked around for what else didn't feel right anymore.

She started with the vase that Bradyn had bought her for her birthday, it was ugly and she had secretly hated it but because he had given her it she had kept it and used it. Grabbing it she held it to her chest for a moment before another wave of emotions came over her and she threw it down on the ground watching as it shattered into pieces all over the floor. She had to admit it gave her a temporary sense of relief, like somehow she could punish him for ripping her heart in two by destroying things that represented him.

She took a moment to catch her breath, she felt so lost, she didn't even know where to turn, she didn't know who to call because all of her friends were Bradyn's friends and they would all just be a reminder of his face. One thing that had stopped coming were the tears though, perhaps she was out of them or perhaps it was just a brief moment. She moved slowly through the apartment, her fingers running over the counter tops, without her ring nearly everything she touched trembled with the shaky remnants of her powers that she never fully gained control over.

Her eyes stopped as they fell upon a photo upon the table, the two of them were smiling, happy and so in love back them, so very different to where she was now. Dakota couldn't even remember that good time now because everything felt tainted by what he had done and how he had done so knowing that it would hurt her. Her breath was shaky as she picked up to frame in her hands, staring at it as though if she looked at it hard enough she could remember the feeling that was supposed to be attached to it. Instead, as she looked at it the glass shattered in her hands flying in all directions.

She winced a little realizing one of the shared had got embedded in her arm and she pulled it out which triggered her tears to start flowing again. How was she going to cope on her own? Her car needed fixing for the garage next weekend and she didn't even want to think about how she was going to afford to pay rent with her salary. The panic began to set in her chest as she started to face the reality of what was currently happening to her. She was however caught completely off guard when she heard the sound of a key in the lock and the door to the apartment opening.

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NiveisPermalink Reply by ✓ Freyja Silvermoon ~Admin~ on May 10, 2019 at 22:44

Dakota glanced up at him as he talked about avoiding meeting his ambassador, well he suppose they had that in common then, she just hadn’t been able to bring herself to go to hers because that felt like accepting that she was a diviner and for most of her life she’d been unable to do that. Now, she supposed she had no choice but to start doing so. But it was harder than just getting up one day and saying ‘I’m a diviner now’ it was going to take her time “Well from what I’ve heard, Evermore is pretty respectful of personal choice, surely they’ll let you keep your free will intact?” she hoped so because while she needed to learn to control her powers she never saw herself as the kind to want to become a powerful magic user or rely on it.

The brunette nodded a little, she didn’t intend on bending the person she was for anyone else again, she’d done that for Bradyn for far too long and look where that had gotten her, heartbroken. She needed to start putting herself and her own wellbeing first, think about the things that made her happy and made her heart race and to pursue them, it was past time that she started to figure things out. Starting with this diviner stuff, then her work, her friends, her family, where she felt like she stood in the world because right now, she wasn’t sure. “I think we both have things to figure out, no harm in being there for one another while we do right?” she arched a brow, really she could use all the friends she could right now, she didn’t have many of them “Besides I work with kids, not sure how much of my sanity is left” she teased with a gentle laugh.

Dakota found it strange how the day like this, one that should be considered one of the worst in her life, had turned out like this, the bright smile on his lips echoed in hers. They had this really similar, slightly goofy, sense of humor that worked really well with one another and his laugh and his smile were kinda addictive, when you saw him smile you wanted to as well, even if you were hurting “I still find it strange how we never made friends before now, you literally find all the same things funny as I do” but she’d known that a little already because they’d both end up laughing at the same situations, even if Bradyn was there every time if would be the two of them that ended up in fits of laughter. There was this one TV show with homemade movie clips the three of them watched often and Kota and Austin would always find the same ones funny. Normally the ones with animals or where idiots bit the dust while trying to show off. “If people can’t handle the truth then they probably don’t deserve it” she nodded a little, she believed that, if people were afraid of someone who told the truth, it probably meant they had a lot to hide.

The brunette hadn’t been stupid enough not to notice the way he stared at her sometimes, his eyes lingering on her longer than they should have. She was always a little careful around him because of that, knowing that Bradyn was quite a jealous person and she didn’t want to give him any reasons to be more upset than he already was. The way the gazes lingered tonight was different, possibly because she wasn’t hesitating to look at him now too. She’d never really taken in just how stunning he was before, with those deep oceanic eyes that lit up in the fluorescents and the charming smile. She wasn’t in a place where she would act on it right now, it felt like an injustice to herself to do that but there was no harm in enjoying the view for a little while either.

Seeing the excitement and focus on Austin’s face as he explained about the work he’d been doing had her interesting, she watched him as he completely lit while he talked about this gaming suit he was designed “That sounds amazing” she spoke with widened eyes imagining what it might be like to be able to actually be in the game you were playing rather than just watching it on a screen “Does this mean that you’d feel if your character was attacked?” she asked curiously wondering what the experience was like. She wasn’t big on gaming herself, never really got hooked on any but she did have interest in technology as a whole, always one to keep up with the latest phone models and enjoying trying out new tech and gadgets. When he talked about hacking she tilted her head a little “So you’re one of the reasons the world is so paranoid about security hey?” she arched her eyebrow. Grey area, she knew, as she imagined most of those people were dangerous criminals who needed to be stopped.

Dakota wasn’t particularly against people touching her and she did find comfort in the support of others but when it came to her powers and the way they lashed out, she preferred to keep to herself instead of risking hurting anyone. That was why she had avoided letting him too near this whole time but now she felt a little more relaxed around him now she knew a little more about him. It felt a little ridiculous to be getting to know someone she had literally been living under the same roof as for months but here they were. The brunette laughed, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger absentmindedly as they talked. The thought of actually taking off a few months off and just exploring was actually pretty tempting. Especially because she had a fund she’d put aside for the past few years. It was supposed to be for if she and Bradyn ever had children but that was off the cards now and honestly, she didn’t see herself wanting that anymore. She wanted to focus on herself and the life she was living “You know, I actually have the money, maybe one day it’ll be more than just a pipe dream” once she managed to get her life back together at least.

Talking to him made her realize just how little she had been doing this lately, actually talking to people, getting to know people. Making friends of any kind really. She didn’t have many, the only person she saw recently and often was her sister Kenna. “Is it pessimism or realism though?” she asked as she leaned back against the pillows, the realist side of her recognized the world was usually against you and often you had push back and fight against the role it wanted you to play. If you sat complacently then you got trampled, much like she supposed she did today. The thing was that she wouldn’t allow herself to stay down too long, she wasn’t that person. “The only game I’ve ever gotten addicted to was this mobile puzzle game that I literally completely every level of and allowed my soul to be sucked into” she laughed softly “I’m not the most skilled at things that require me to react in real time, guess I’m a little slow” she let out a soft giggle that barely sounded like her and her eyes widened a little as she heard it.

The movie was playing in the background but the two of them continued chatting away, not really paying all that much attention to what was happening in the story because they were too interested in what one another were saying. Honesty was a good answer to the question, you could definitely tell a lot about a person by how upfront and open they were about their lives, people who hid things and buried them, usually were guilty about something. She scrunched up her nose when he called her Ms. Mayfield, she was so used to her married name that it felt weird hearing her maiden name once again but she appreciated him using that rather than Bradyn’s surname “Damn it’s gonna take a while to adjust to that” she commented flicking her dark gaze towards him for a moment “I’d say a sense of humor, I just struggle to be around people who don’t know how to laugh, you know” she nodded slightly “You’re not lacking in the department thankfully” she teased with an amused chuckle.

As they talked about silver she shrugged her shoulders “I think I just like anything that shines” she admitted with a laugh “Silver feels elegant to me” she nodded a little pointing to the earrings she was wearing and smiled, they were long twisted drop earrings that she wore pretty much every day “First thing I ever bought with my first paycheck” she admitted with a laugh, one of the best investments she ever made. When he asked her if she wanted anything she just shook her head a little “Just tired more than anything, it’s been a really long night” she admitted as she curled her knees to her chest and grabbed a throw from the armchair and tucked it over herself. She watched as he went off into the kitchen her tired eyes watching the screen for a moment before she closed them, leaning her head back. It had been an overwhelming few hours for her and it was definitely starting to catch up with her. Her breathing slowed and she found herself giving over to much-needed sleep.