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DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on January 27, 2019 at 22:14

Jae was pretty good at pushing people’s buttons, he was an observant person, he learned quickly what emotions tended to trigger from different situations, he could also be pretty mean when he wanted to be if it meant getting at what he wanted. Back in school, that attitude was what had gotten him into so many fights in the school parking lot, he didn’t know when to stop, he would let his own temper get the better of him, especially when it came to defending others. Hanseol was easy to get a rise from because he had a natural pride to him that was easy to tap into, just a few knock backs and the celestial wanted to get back at the dhampir.

This whole situation felt surreal and very real at the same time, the feelings he buried deep below the surface trying to rise, causing his heartbeat to race in his chest. In this state though the last thing the dhampir was going to do is back down, every word that rolled off both of their tongues only spurring him further, instilling more and more confidence that surrounded him like a bubble. It was a long time since someone had been truly able to bring out this side of him, he almost didn’t recognize himself and yet he couldn’t bring himself to care, his focus solely on getting the exact rise he wanted from the celestial.

Hanseol’s tone of snark reminded Jaesung of the day they had first met, he really did act like a know it all sometimes but Jae was almost certain he was right on this one, he didn’t care if he had to get thrown across the room to prove it, he would get what he wanted “If you’re trying to make me afraid of you, you’re failing, miserably” he responded with a cocky grin, he didn’t think anyone could make him afraid when he got like this, he’d die before he’d show a sign of it. He took the other male’s words in though, he was right, if Jae did get hurt from this is was on him and no one else, he’d pushed for this because he was sure it was what the celestial needed and he knew that was reckless, he just couldn’t bring himself to back down. “But your note is taken, I know the risk I’m taking but I’m willing to bet on it” was the celestial?

“Someone has to take risks around here, otherwise you’ll keep yourself hidden behind those perfect walls for the rest of your life” he taunted back, accusing the other of not being able to face up to his own fears, Jae wasn’t purposely trying to be mean, just speaking what he believed was the truth. The two of them seemed to take the comments back and forth in their stride only pushing for more reactions from each other, it did something to Jae that he couldn’t even explain, his tongue sweeping over his lip as he stared back at the celestial. A wry chuckle came from his lips as he felt the other male grab his arm and twist it, he allowed Hanseol to push him towards the corner of the room, still laughing softly “There it is…” he drew the words from his lips as he turned back over his shoulder to look at the fallen star.

For the longest time Jae had been telling himself that he was straight, that there was no way he could experience attraction to another male and yet from the moment Hanseol had stepped into his life he had completely smashed everything that Jae thought he knew about his sexuality, he felt the draw now, he revelled in the back and forth between the two of them, he was enjoying himself way too much considering the two of them were fighting “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy this” he admitted boldly, there was something about this particular situation that made it so much easier, to be honest, Jae just couldn’t let his pride go. He purposely let his gaze trail down and then up the other male’s body as though he was sizing him up. “You may have experience but it’s only going to be so long before we get to see those emotions get the better of you” he taunted back, he could tell he was getting under Hanseol’s skin, the celestial put up a good front, but the light that was surrounded him told the story differently.

“I think you underestimate my stubbornness” he warned the other male, he could already tell from the way Hanseol was moving that there was some part of him that wanted to fight back with more than just words, especially when he threatened to knock him out. He didn’t miss the part where the other male called him hot though, his teeth sinking down into his bottom lip in response to it, very purposely Jae reached up to run a hand slowly through his hair which was already sweaty from all the punches he had been throwing that the fallen star purposely evaded.

He was almost caught off guard by the dark-haired male pulling him closer by his shirt however he held his breath, his face coming in closer and closer to the other male, their eyeline was level and there was a twinkle in the dhampir’s eyes, a certain knowing look that what he was doing was working. Jae wasn’t afraid of touching and the adrenaline running through his veins meant he wasn’t going to let any embarrassment stop him and so he leaned forward, running his hand slowly from Hanseol’s shoulder down his arm, his fingertips light and gentle against the star’s skin and while the male was sufficiently distracted he followed it with a push against Hanseol’s chest using the force of the blow to push himself backward.

“You ready to show me what you can do yet, sunshine?” he asked as he panted a little for breath still in somewhat disbelief over what he had just done but quickly recovered, yet again going for another attack on the celestial, this time shoulder first in an attempt to tackle them both to the ground.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on January 27, 2019 at 23:08

Did he know one day his pride would be the end of his own? A tool to sculpt his own demise? He had the doubts, but it was there. But that was all that it was-- doubts, planted by the seed of his paranoia. It was why he never thought much about it. His fatal flaw was hubris, and it will bring about his end, someday, if he does not control them properly. Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as it sounds. Easier said than done, he thought. Jae was able to push the correct buttons in him so easily, and quickly, if he estimated it on time. All this time, he's managed to control them before, deflecting and blocking hits, enough to render them unconscious or distracted for a brief moment before he allowed his feet to take him as far away as possible from them.

He was afraid of what his anger and bitterness would do. His time in the cell had molded him into someone so bitter that could only think of revenge, and it scared him. The dhampir was right on everything, and it caused the celestial to grow angry and annoyed, because of how easy it was for him to point and state his argument, knowing fully well he'd get none in return. Because Hanseol couldn't fight this off. No, he couldn't.  And he hated it. “I'm not trying to get you to be afraid of me, Jae. No one has been afraid of me all my life, so really, that's not something new. I was just being considerate and generous in offering brief warnings before commenting anything. Because I'm kind like that.” Did Jae think a little debunking here and there would falter the celestial? Not really. If anything, it has successfully kindled the fires in him that was initially fueled earlier.

And what was helping him doing that? His strong feelings towards the dhampir, obviously. The attraction he felt towards the male was slowly starting to seep through the walls and onto the ground they were standing on. He wanted nothing more but to throw him against the room and tell him what he really felt, as strangely harsh it sounded. Jae was right about his emotions entrapping himself in a bubble. A bubble he needed to break or make use of, if he wanted to gain the upper hand in this meaningless fight. Hanseol wasn't usually temperamental, but he had his times, and the more Jae managed to use it against himself, the more he found those pent up frustrations and anger resurfacing, ready to take its damn place.

When he traced his touch on to his arms, Hanseol admitted, he was actually taken aback and his guard was let down entirely, either delving himself in the mixture of surprise and shock or he was just being his usual flustered self that goes weak every time it comes to Jae. But he was quick to retaliate in his defensive mode when the celestial clenched his jaw. “You think I have perfect walls? Then you clearly, haven't stepped outside. Well, you haven't exactly, have you? You're cramped up in a small space, not knowing what's happening outside in the real world. At least I know what's going on, and I proudly choose to stay in my own space, because I actually give a damn and care about what happens around me.” he gritted his teeth in response before pushing his index finger against the dhampir's chest as he cornered the latter. Again, it really didn't last long, because the dhampir was fast to react and soon enough, Hanseol found himself cornered and pressed against the walls.

“You haven't seen nothing yet, dhampy.” he snapped and pushed him away with every strength he had within him. Once he was freed from the lock he was in previously, the fallen star kicked the dhampir on the torso, eventually subduing him slightly by leaving him to stagger. It was a simple kick, not enough to cause any actual injury, but with the strength he poured into the hit? It'll leave a bruise for sure “I thought you're supposed to be protectors. And I see you haven't even landed any actual punches yet. Or have you? But it didn't work?” Two can play at this game, and the pride in Hanseol was not letting it drag him down. Stretching out his limbs from a distance, he mocked the dhampir on his fighting skills, which really just adds up everything.

It was clear that the two of them got each other's rise out and now they intend to make the best use of it. Grabbing a bo staff from the west side of the room, he threw one towards the dhampir and twirled his own. “Or are you completely useless when it comes to not having your weapon of affinity? Is it the weapon or is it supposed to be you, who's powerful?”

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on January 28, 2019 at 0:30

Jae knew what he was doing, picking away at the things he knew would send the other male off the edge, the anger had to be real in order to really test his theory, though he had to admit he didn’t feel great about doing it, he knew that Hanseol worked very hard to hide his darker side and what the dhampir was essentially doing was baiting him to show it. To Jaesung this was his tough approach to getting the celestial to realize the power he had inside of him that he seemed to always push away, that there was a choice to fight if he wanted it. Jae gritted his teeth through it all though, as he watched the innocent layers of the celestial fade away slowly.

And he could see in the other male’s eyes that he knew Jae was right, that he had been living in denial for a long time, he could see the inner turmoil he was going through as he struggled to balance to two personas he had. Jae, however, had a pretty good idea of who he was, he was a fighter, he was someone who would do whatever it took to protect someone, even if it meant hurting himself in the process. Jae felt incredibly protective over Hanseol and the idea of him getting taken advantage of wasn’t something the dhampir could just sit down and allow to happen “No you’re trying to deflect, the way you always deflect when you’re afraid of something” he spoke sharply, his gaze not breaking as he spat out the words in frustration. Jae had known it would be hard to push the right reaction from Han but this almost felt like climbing a mountain.

It was confusing for Jae, his fiery temper flaring up at the pure frustration he was feeling when it came to Hanseol and the way he kept deflecting, from the way he avoided every single hit that the dhampir threw to the tongue lashing that he was giving the dhampir. It really was eye-opening for him, seeing where the darker parts of the celestial’s mind went, feeling the actual anger radiating from the other male. Part of him wanted to stop and apologize, knowing that Hanseol might hate him for what he had pushed him into this evening.

He knew he’d really hit the mark when the celestial started getting defensive with his words, Hanseol had a way of speaking that shot straight through like a lightning bolt, caused the dhampir to get riled up in response, almost in disbelief of what he was hearing “I think you’re trying to turn this around on me to make you feel better about living in denial” he shouted a little louder than he intended before he widened his eyes at what he had said. Jae began to realize that the more they shouted words at one another the more and more it felt like they were talking about something else, something they hadn’t really talked about at all. It was clear at this point that the two of them were drawn to one another in a way neither had been able to admit out loud.

The two of them got further and further into the fight, both looking for ways to get at one another, whether it be with the way they moved or the words they threw back and forth, Jae couldn’t help but feel a little hurt by the words that Hanseol spoke to him and the way he was mocking the dhampir for trying to help, when he felt the kick to his chest it almost felt like the other male may as well have kicked straight at his heart “Don’t you get it, all I have ever tried to do is protect you, it’s all because of you, you’re fucking with my head, making me feel things I shouldn’t for another man” he shouted again, honest remark after honest remark rolling off his tongue, now that his feelings were out in the open the dhampir went silent just staring back at Hanseol, his heartbeat thudding in his chest and the anger he had been feeling starting to fade away. His hands shook a little as he dropped the staff he was holding to the floor.

With those words now spoken it seemed pointless to hide from his feelings anymore and so he stepped closer to Hanseol and without hesitation did exactly what he had been fantasizing about doing for the past few weeks, Jae’s hands pulled on the male’s neck to draw him in,  though this time instead of stopping just a few inches from the other male’s face he gave in to those urges that surrounded him and he pressed his lips against the celestial’s in a passionate rough kiss that spoke more words than he could ever say, his movements were desperate and erratic, his grip loosening a little as he got lost in what it felt like to finally give in to what he wanted.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on January 28, 2019 at 8:42

Hanseol wasn't sure if this is exactly what Jae wanted-- his evident road to cultivate every single fibre in his being that was poured to fuel the anger inside him. But the dhampir did push him off the ledge in trying to get a rise out of him,  interesting the first place, so he couldn't exactly say this wasn't to be expected from himself once Jae had settled himself in. What bothered him however, was the fact that despite spending his entire time trying to seal this darker side of him, he failed once again to keep it from hurting the people he cared for; specifically person that he cared deeply. The celestial was sure this was going to leave a deep etched mark within him by the time everything is done for today-- a very clear one.

Every layer that the fallen star used to show the opposite effects of his life-long repression was slowly peeled off as time passes by, and the rage in him finally fed after a while. He hated how rightfully so Jae was. He made every point so clear that even Hanseol's obliviousness couldn't penetrate through without hesitation to question himself altogether.  It frustrated the celestial to the point of no end. Especially when the dhampir finally got what he sought out for the moment he began pushing those sensitive topics that has been kept away from range for solidarity purposes.

As the celestial found himself gripping on the wooden body of the bo staff tighter than ever, he could feel the searing heat scorching off his usual cool self and clenched his jaw. What was Jae thinking to achieve with this, he thought. Was this all really worth it? Was a few words really worth him getting angry over? Obviously, no. But the temper in the fallen star was so easily prodded that it's unbelievable to believe the innocent facade he wore the entire time. While he tried to calm himself down, it took some time as he drifted off away from the reality so he was able to collect his thoughts. So it was hard to get a firm grip around the very thing he was doing when Jae kept hitting him like a bullet with all the statements. “That's not true.” he gritted his teeth tightly as the clashing between his teeth grinded gradually, causing the slightly guttural sound making out from him. That was the first.

“I deflect because I'm trying to be the better person and refrain from giving the same amount back.” he said, his tone dropping an octave lower, though it seemed to convince himself rather than the latter more than anything. Hanseol was convincing himself that everything he did was for the better. Obviously, the aftermath of living in denial does that to you. Jae had clearly hit a very sensitive cord in him the moment he pushed and pressed the celestial about living his life in denial-- in his own choices. This resulted in Hanseol shaking his head profusely as he muttered no under his breath as few times. But the more this goes, the more he noticed it wasn't really revolving around the same topic they were previously on. No, it was a different one, using the same words.

Glancing over to the male in confusion, he frowned softly before trying to comprehend what was he trying to send across. “Then, maybe you shouldn't try to protect me, Jae, because I sure as fuck can handle myself! I've handled myself before and I am still alive.” Jae was right about curse words not sounding as well as it should, coming from the celestial who looked as if he'd never forgive himself after treating the latter this way, this evening. “What are you talking about-” Now his head is swirling with so many thoughts that the rage was slowly subsiding and focused elsewhere instead. “-making you feel things for another man, what-” However, upon hanging on the words he uttered earlier, Hanseol halted on his words before processing everything in a once over again. What?

When the dhampir dropped his bo staff to the ground, he almost got into a defensive stance but his instincts and reflexes would not allow him to do so. So he only stared cluelessly, with those doe eyes staring deep into the dhampir's own as he came closer, until there was no proximity and space left between them. Literally. The moment those lips crashed into his, the celestial was rendered speechless, equally the same with his own body as his eyes widened at the size of saucers itself. This was unexpected. For a while, Hanseol didn't respond to the sudden kiss, because he was still taken aback by the latter doing a surprising thing. He dropped his bo staff, as the sounds of the wooden staff clattering to the floor made itself known to the fallen star. Both hands placed themselves on Jae's arms as he still tried to calculate what just happened. By the time Jae broke the kiss due to the lack of response shown by the celestial, only then was he able to see it through clearly. Jae just kissed him. And he was an idiot for not responding.

In attempts trying to make up for it, he grabbed the dhampir by his face and pressed his lips onto his, finally reciprocating the gesture. Soon enough, he found himself molding into the unexpected scenario and snaked his free hand around the male's waist, pushing him closer as if loosening such a grip would render him weak again. Because, it might. Hanseol didn't want to let go of him, for sure. Nibbling on his bottom lip, for someone who's never kissed a person all his life, he sure was making a good first. Finally, the mutual attraction between them were proven? Is it, really?

"You really should've done this to begin with...rather than antagonizing me." he mumbled softly in between the kiss. 

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on January 28, 2019 at 14:52

At this point, the dhampir’s head was such a mess of emotions mixed together that he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to achieve anymore, every word and every movement only pulling him in different directions until he felt dizzy and breathless. Jae wasn’t afraid of seeing Hanseol’s darker side, in fact, a part of him wanted to see that for himself because he wanted to know all of him, the good and the bad. The dhampir had never felt like that about anything or anyone, not the countless friends he’d had over the years, not the girls he had briefly dated when he was younger, this was intense and very real.

And the more that he got to see the more he found himself wanting to give in, his heart pounding in his chest from all the movement he was doing, his hands itching to do more than just throw punches in the other male’s direction. It slowly but surely became evident to Jaesung that this was about so much more than training Hanseol, this was about his need for the other male to be safe, his need to rid himself of the worry that surrounded him every single time he thought about what had happened that day. He was afraid, afraid the one-day Hanseol was going to up and leave him one day because he believed that was the only option he had.

As he looked back at the other male, he felt so many different things, frustration from the fact that Han refused to embrace that part of himself, pain that stemmed from the mean words that came from the other lips, but above all, a compelling need to pull the other male close. Jae couldn’t explain those feelings he had, he’d spent the past few weeks doing everything he could to deny them but it felt like every time he did they only came back stronger. Mostly he was angry at himself for being too scared to admit what he really wanted, but then that went both ways didn’t it.

“No, you deflect because you don’t want to admit there may be a reason to stay” he couldn’t stop the words that kept coming from his mouth, whatever filter the dhampir had been relying on to keep himself sane was truly gone now. All that Jae wanted was for the celestial to show him a sign that he was going to fight as hard and relentlessly as the dhampir was, because as he kept reminding the other male, he didn’t do things half measures. He guessed this whole time he was looking for a reason to cross the line and every time the fallen star just pushed back or avoided the reality of it all the same way he avoided every punch thrown his way.

And then something in him snapped, he was so mad at the other male for being so blind to what he had been trying to tell him all this time that the words just came out in a flurry of statements, he was hurt by the way he kept trying to push him away, like these feelings he had were just going to let him stop feeling protective over the other male. Though he realized he’d said too much when the celestial asked him what he was trying to say. God how could someone be so disengaged to what was going around them. Jae’s stare was intense as he decided if he couldn’t get it across with words he’d do it with actions.

He was acting on pure instinct as he closed the distance between them, selfishly giving in to the impulse, his lips crushing against the star’s, he felt the kiss in every part of his body, his whole frame trembling a little from the intensity of the moment which only calmed the moment he felt the male’s hands against his arms. Jae felt his heart start to sink in his chest when the realization began to set in that the other male wasn’t going to return the kiss and so he pulled back. He stared at Hanseol with a childlike look of terror in his eyes as he realized what he had just done, how he had not just crossed the line but fallen over it head first.

His eyes narrowed and he went to turn away but then, with a moment that made the dhampir’s heart skip a beat he felt Hanseol’s hands against his face, they were soft despite the rough way he was pulling the dhampir back towards him. Jae didn’t fight it as he leaned back in, this time the two of them meeting lips in equal measure. It was everything he imagined it to be, the two of them pulling each other as close as humanly possible, the dhampir’s hands moving around the back of Hanseol’s neck his fingers tangling up in his dark silky hair. His mouth moved passionately against the other male’s lips a soft moan escaping him as he felt Hanseol’s teeth graze as his lip and he responded by sweeping his tongue into the celestial’s mouth.

It would have been as easy as breathing to let himself get completely lost in the moment, in the fallen star’s touch and kiss, he could have gone in time and time again and still feel the same electric buzz that surrounded him from the moment his lips touched Hanseol’s, it was addictive, euphoric even. But his words reminded the dhampir of what the point of tonight was. And while Jae had finally made his feelings clear, laid them out on the floor for the celestial, there was still no resolution to all those things the fallen star had said to him.

And so no matter how much he wanted this, no matter how good it made him feel, he couldn’t do it. Jae broke the kiss, panting a little from the lack of air, like he had been trying to drown himself in the star. He stayed silent as he stared at Han for a few seconds, his hands dropping to his sides “It’s not enough” he spoke defeatedly, he wished it was, he really did but Jae wouldn’t jump off a ledge knowing the fallen star wasn’t going to be ready to catch him “I’m not going to wait around for you to get yourself killed or leave me behind” he broke from the other male’s hold shaking his head. Before he could change his mind he turned his back and started towards the door.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on January 28, 2019 at 16:32

He just had to make sure everything was real, that it wasn't one of those cruel dreams he has every night-- the ones where every single figments haunted his very existence, up to the point where he needed to doubt his own. His mind had a knack and talent in wrecking his own self up by using all those impulse to create a whole new thing entirely and filter them into his cerebrum. He had no idea how it was able to do that, as if there was someone else doing the work inside him, someone like him but not exactly like him-- it's confusing. But when the dhampir suddenly stopped everything, he was half-expecting a punch or honestly, a tackle until they would roll across the room, as they try to pull punches against each other again.

He wasn't stupid not to notice and remember all those hurtful things he's said to him, though. He remembered every single detail of it, that it was almost impossible for him to just get up and leave to forget it. But that seemed to be exactly what Jae thought he'll do. As much as it broke his heart in half, knowing that the male still thinks it's possible for him to pack up one day and leave Evermore, just as easily as he left the other cities and countries that influenced his nomadic patterns, he couldn't help but to debate against it. Isn't that true, he thought. One day, he might actually do that. The moment he knows that there are people searching for people like him in the same city, waiting for the best time to attack like how a predator awaits its prey, he's done for. Hanseol certainly did not build his life slowly piece by piece in the eternal city, only to throw it away when that day does come.

That's what he wanted.

But what of what he needed?

At this point, he wasn't sure what he needed and wanted thoroughly. The only thing that he seemed to want, is to embrace every single part of Jae, the guy that he's literally currently locking lips with, right under the dimmed light of the small training room, with intentions far different from this previously. The kiss caught him off guard but he was more than happy to reciprocate them as soon as he noticed the heartbroken look flashing across the dhampir's dark hues. It hurts him to see him in such a state. He didn't mean for that to happen. Despite everything that has happened, this is not what he intended. And Hanseol believes that intentions usually made the best purpose and objective over everything else, although it could be well-unparalleled hindering the disillusionment layer placed above them, much like what occurred just now.

Jae wanted to push Hanseol to the point where he will finally be able to embrace himself, and while still being so confused to why he was doing this, soon he understood it was all because the latter wanted to protect him, just as much as he wanted to protect him. Hearing the soft moan emitted by the other male as his own dark locks were tangled up within his touch, even the celestial couldn't get enough of him. Jae was already an intoxicating sight, and now he's an all rounder about it. The more he pulled himself against the star in attempts to try and close every space left possible, the more it was hard for the star to go against every single thoughts that came clouding himself. He thought that this wasn't the answer to everything, unfortunately. And boy, was he looking like a dog whimpering after being kicked away by its owner the moment Jae released his hold on him.

The celestial looked like a grown dog who was disheartened by the departure of his long-time owner, with his messy dark locks and flushed face completing the sad look. His doe eyes that once twinkled in delight every time he saw the dhampir was no more projecting such look, instead it was replaced with an almost tear-stained face. Hanseol was rendered voiceless and wordless when Jae exited the room, but not until he too rushed out afterwards, with his coat and top alongside his unzipped backpack slung on him. He looked like a mess, and perhaps a hot mess, but this hot mess isn't going to leave the premises knowing he broke Jae's heart. Literally pushing everything weighing on him physically, including the outerwear and top and the bag until it was shoved against the floors.

Like any other scene you'd see in movies or dramas, Hanseol had a tight grip over Jae's wrist, as he allowed the strength he had to stop the dhampir from leaving. “And what you're doing is any better than what you think I'd do? You're leaving me too. Just like that. After kissing me, after driving me crazy with just the thought of you-” the frustration radiating off him was unexplainable. His glow had grown significantly brighter. “-you're just leaving me. Fine, I'll admit.. All those hurtful words I said out was out of my defense mechanism. Because no one-I repeat, no one has ever tried to care for me as you have, so this is a foreign thing for me to handle. But it doesn't mean I don't want to work through it. I don't wanna leave, Jae.. I don't. Believe me, I don't want to leave and run for my life again, especially not after today. I understand this will put you in so much danger.. But am I willing to make sure you stay content in any way possible even if I can't do that directly? Yes. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose that.” All those words he had spouted out left the celestial breathless as his face was even more flushed than before, and his breath ragged.

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on January 28, 2019 at 21:39

When Jae had made the decision to come to America it had been partly for his own sanity, he had always seen the world so differently from most of his peers, he was forward thinking and bright minded, he valued things like art and imagination, he found beauty in the English language and the stories he could tell with it. Coming here had been another story, it wasn’t the same way he had pictured in his mind but in some ways, it was better, he could really picture having a life here, one that made him not want to go back to Korea and with his military service over he knew he had that freedom. But Jae also knew that freedom came with a price, a price he had to be sure he was going to be able to pay.

While Jae had only known Hanseol for a few months, that meeting had changed everything, it had truly made the dhampir question the person he was and everything he believed in, it had opened him up to the idea of a side of him he never even knew he had, it made him experience feelings for another person he couldn’t even put into words. Those were the thoughts running through his mind as the two of them kissed, their entire being crashing together, it wasn’t just a kiss for the dhampir, not like the few he’d had before, this was so much more than that, it was unspoken words that manifested themselves in a feeling of wanting someone else more than he could even fathom.

But Jae wasn’t the kind of person who just put his trust or his whole self into something without knowing for sure that it was what he truly wanted, that was why he had been so on edge over the very idea of all of this, the dhampir wanted to make sure that if he chose this, that it was going to be worth all the risks he would be taking by doing so. Jae knew that choosing this meant potentially losing friends and even worse, his family, he had no idea whether they would be able to accept the decisions he made and yet he still found himself wanting to take that risk. Because Hanseol made him feel something, something that made him believe in the beauty in the world, just like writing did. That’s why it couldn’t just be another crush or just a kiss, it had to be everything.

And in that moment it felt like it was, from the way they tangled up in one another from the moment their lips touched, Jae’s movements were almost desperate as he held onto the other male, his fingers running through his hair, loving the feeling of the strands between his fingertips, he was pushing himself up so close to the fallen star that the two of them would probably have tripped and fallen to the ground if either of them moved one foot. But as quickly as the moment came, it passed and the dhampir forced himself to be the one that pulled away. The look in Hanseol’s eyes as he did so caused an icy chill to roll over Jae’s body as he started to face the reality of everything that had happened tonight. Part of him was glad that he’d been able to get his feelings out there, that he no longer had to hide them or push them down but the other still teetered on insecurities that plagued his mind.  

He felt terrible for saying it, but in his mind, he couldn’t commit to someone who could just up and leave one day, truthfully Jae wasn’t sure he could handle letting himself get more attached than he already was on that premise. And so he did what he thought he had to do and walked away. By the time he got to the entryway of the Dojo his eyes were stinging with tears, almost in disbelief of the fact he had ruined something so special for this. He reached up to furiously wipe at his face as his pace got faster, knowing he needed to get out of there. He was stunned to silence when he felt Hanseol’s grip on his arm, bringing the dhampir to a stop he turned to look at the male over his shoulder. He couldn’t bring himself to turn away from the celestial when he was looking at him like that and so he shifted his weight so that he was facing Hanseol.

Jae wanted to say something but he found himself utterly speechless, his eyes were focused on the celestial, the look in them instantly telling the dhampir that he was sincere. The words he spoke hit the dhampir directly to the chest, worse than any blow either of them had landed on one another, the word leaving ringing around in Jae’s head. As Jae watched Hanseol speak, that faint glow that usually surrounded the celestial began to get brighter tenfold, in the dark entry hall it was almost blinding to the dhampir though his gaze remained forward, unable to tear away from his fallen star. Jae’s heartbeat increased as he realized the words Han was telling him and he found himself gravitating towards the celestial, no longer needing the male’s grip on his arm to keep him there. His mouth opened for a moment in shock, both from the words Hanseol was saying to him which he almost couldn’t believe were real and the fact that without even knowing it, Han was finally embracing his celestial energy.

“I don’t want to leave either” he admitted truthfully, hell he had been looking for any excuse to keep going all evening, from the moment the celestial walked into the training room until now “I’m scared okay, by choosing this....” he trailed off before correcting the word he used “by choosing you. I could be risking everything I know” and yet he found himself just inches from the celestial, illuminated by the light that surrounded him, he looked so amazing like that, so bright and beautiful that it made the dhampir’s heart hurt a little “And I’m scared of losing you too” his eyes trailed down the male’s arm before reaching to lace his own fingers into the celestial’s and then he looked up at him again, staring into those dark hues that had become such a familiar view to him and then he smiled, a unfiltered, raw smile that encompassed everything he was feeling for the star in that moment “You look so beautiful with that light, you know that, sunshine?” this time when he said the word, it was with nothing but admiration for the other male, without another thought he stepped closer before he pulled Hanseol into an embrace, both his arms enveloping the dark-haired male and his face burying into his shoulder as he surrendered to everything he felt for Hanseol. His Hanseol. "I choose this okay, I choose you".

The light at this point seemed like it was surrounding the two of them like some kind of protective bubble, he could see it in every direction he looked, shining brightly, unwavering “I think you just invented some kind of celestial shield” he spoke with a whisper, his voice full of awe as he looked around, unable to take his eyes off it.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on January 28, 2019 at 22:38

The thought of staying was tempting, truly it was. Just the mere hopes on him able to create a new identity and life for himself here in Evermore, where he didn't have to fear anyone else for coming after him, it was really surreal. Whilst he knew it was no longer possible after the previous incident that still haunted the back of his mind every single night he tried to close his eyes shut and forget about it, he wanted so badly to cling to that hope in desperation. Was it really that much for the celestial to find what he wants in the world? To at least have a chance at relishing a life he sought out, just for a brief instance? Hanseol didn't ask for much, he only wanted to be given the chance he knew he was owed by nature itself.

Running was all that he's known and he's tired of it. Despite his time spent in the cold and harsh cells for 85 years, it only gave him an insight to what the world would have in store for him. Destiny? Fate? Is that truly legit? Was it even authentic to even begin with? To the fallen star, it was nothing but an excuse-- an excuse he somehow chose to believe in. But amidst all of that ridiculous paths laid out in front of him, he found one that he wanted to hold on to. The fate that influenced his meeting with Jae, the person he would later care deeply for. It wasn't just care, at this point. It was more than that. Dare he say, it could even be love. He would proudly state so, if he actually knew what it meant, in the first place. Regardless of the strong feeling he harbored for the dhampir, he wasn't confident enough to say it out loud because he feels he still has yet to understand the full concept of it. But it did mean, more opportunities for him to study about it.

It's okay, he said.

There will be plenty of chances to learn more about it, he assured.

It's a once in a lifetime approach, he encouraged.

All of that made him grasp it entirely, his grip not loosening no more. If Hanseol was an oblivious and clueless person, then this is at least something he was highly likely about; his connection to Jaesung Moon. That is real, it had to be. He didn't even need to be around more people just to know this one was true. All he needed to prove his receipts and evidences were the mere existence of Jae. The star had a hard time being sure about anything because of the paranoia that often overwhelms him and plagued his mind, resulting his erratic and indecisive behavior, sometimes. But there was no debunking this theory that he fell 100% for the blue haired male that stood before his eyes now.

Did he know this confession was the trigger to unlocking his energy and to be one with it? To assert every dominion he had to control them temporarily? No, he hadn't had the slightest of idea. He figured it was just the strong emotions taking over his head and imbuing itself into it. Little did he know, he's found something new, and it's not just his feelings towards the dhampir. All this time, Hanseol has been closing himself off and allowed everything to pent itself up without opening the ventilation to secure a route out. And now since he's finally accepting his feelings to Jae, he no longer felt the compelling reason to keep everything pent up no more. All the good, all the bad. If Jae was willing to accept him for both sides, then why must there be an obstacle blocking that away?

It struck him momentarily when he heard the words flowing out from Jae. He was filled with pessimistic thoughts, from the rejection he might receive in a matter of seconds, to their friendship status being diminished this evening. “You don't have to sacrifice anything for me, Jae. I completely understand that.. This is all so sudden, it shouldn't coerce you into changing everything you know in your life. Keeping you frustrated and confused with your own self would be the last thing I would ever wish upon you.” he admitted truthfully, Hanseol didn't want this to keep the dhampir from advancing in his life. If everything about love was true, he knew it was making sure the other part will be happy. And he was ready to give into that, any day. A rare smile caught up to him, where the smile travelled to his eyes first before his lips could fully curve them into a full one. The tender look his doe eyed self was giving the dhampir was immeasurable. A gaze he's only given him.

But knowing that Jae didn't want to lose him either made his heart flutter, the celestial finding such emotion to be so foreign to himself but gradually liking every bit of it. Maybe he shouldn't change himself for the preference of another, but for Jae? He'd do that in a heartbeat if it meant the dhampir happy. All of these changes would be one he would cherish and take pleasure as well as pride in. Breaking down the hubris in him was hard, but it's a working progress. If it meant the dhampir helping him, is it even a question anymore? Intertwining their hands together, the length of their every fingers laced the other perfectly. At the moment, they were content. Touched, maybe. But content? For sure.

The hug, how would he describe it? Electrifying.. He didn't want to let go of the latter any time soon if possible. The warmth Jae radiated was so comforting, it felt like home to the celestial. He glanced over to himself, taking a few good looks here and there before chuckling. “I didn't even notice I was glowing so much. You see what you do to me, Moon Jaesung? 네가 알았으면 좋겠어. 왜냐하면 난 절대 널 실망시키지 않을테니까. (I hope you're aware. Because I'm not letting you live this down.)” Hanseol brought Jae's hand up to their view and placed a soft kiss on his knuckles. “I'm glad to hear that.” he beamed, his eyes forming itself into tiny crescents as both of them watched as the energy the celestial pushed. “Well this is pretty..” he mumbled as he too, took a look around them as the transparency emitted a kind of glow much like the one he radiated earlier, only a bigger scale that wrapped them in a bubble-like form.

“I just hope I can dial it down. Do you think we'll be able to get out of this?" Yup, there comes the Hanseol Park everyone loves. Well, at least the one Jae loves.

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on January 29, 2019 at 21:08

The dhampir wasn’t deluding himself, he knew exactly the things at stake for him, he knew that Hanseol was always going to be in some level of danger, he accepted that level of risk, that was a level that he could handle and he knew by getting close to the fallen star that put himself in a degree of danger too, he didn’t mind that, like the celestial had spoken about earlier, Jae did also know how to take care of himself too, he’d done so for a full 2 years during his service, he knew how to be independent. What was really new to him was worrying so much for someone else, that was scary to him because it went along the ledge of being out of his control and Jae didn’t like things that extended out of his reach, they put him on edge.

Giving in to his feelings for the celestial meant accepting that there were things he would never be able to control and it gave the other male the power to take his heart into his hands and break it if he wanted to, it took a level of trust that Jae had never put in anyone else before, every relationship he’d had before ended before anything really felt serious, before deep feelings got involved, maybe the dhampir had been afraid of commitment then or maybe he just hadn’t met the right person. Jae had also grown up in a society which generally rejected the idea of same-sex relationships and perhaps that was why he had always believed without a doubt that he was straight. At least until this one person had walked into his life and turned that very fact into a distant memory.

And he had to admit that it terrified him, to think about how the people closest people to him might react to this part of him, especially because he didn’t know how he’d handle anyone saying negative things about Hanseol. But then if he didn’t take that step then he was just living in a constant state of denial of the person he really was, and he couldn’t accept that either. He’d come to this country, started over, in the hopes of finding himself and his future along the way and something told him that this was a part of that. The dhampir was a little jealous of how easy that came to the celestial, having not been surrounded by a homophobic influence most of his life.

The blue-haired male reached a hand up to rest gently against the star’s cheek as he spoke “It’s not just for you” he assured with a knowing nod “It’s not like I can go the rest of my life denying parts of myself because I’m afraid of what my parents will think, can I?” he didn’t really need to hear the response because the statement was more for himself than it was anything else, whether the two of them went further with this or not, it wouldn’t change the fact that it was possible for Jae to have feelings for a man. There was something about Hanseol that inspired confidence in Jae, made him feel like he could do anything in some moments, but it was going to take a lot for Jae to be ready for that moment with his parents “I don’t think I’m quite there with actually going ahead with it...but...this is me promising you that it’s the path I want to go down” he nodded gently. No one was saying this was going to be easy, in fact, they were both saying quite the opposite.

The smile that appeared on the celestial’s lips caused the dhampir to hold his breath, almost in disbelief that Hanseol was even real, let alone someone who had feelings for Jae, he felt lucky to know him, when he exhaled a smile appeared on his own lips, how was it that just a look could make the dhampir feel as though he was flying, his whole body feeling lighter. There was a strange feeling of this being the start of something big, it made him a little nervous and jittery, though the feeling of the other male’s hand in his felt so right that it made him breathless. If this was wrong then he didn’t want to be right. And so he pulled the other male in close, losing himself in the Hanseol’s touch, he didn’t care if the two of them were sweaty, he just wanted to hold him for as long as possible.

And so it turned out that what finally triggered the celestial’s control over his light wasn’t anger or worry or panic but instead something quite the opposite, who knew. The light that surrounded the two of them was stunning, Jae wouldn’t have believed his own eyes if he hadn’t seen Hanseol glowing before. But the words he spoke, they were what really sent the dhampir’s head spinning. Every time that Jae thought he knew what to expect from Han, something new seemed to come along. Hearing his full name spoken from the star’s lips sent a shiver down his spine, though the smile remained on his face as his dark hues followed the movement of their joined hands and the dhampir closed his eyes as he felt Hanseol’s lips against his knuckles, when his eyes opened again he met the celestial’s soft gaze “I know the feeling, Park Hanseol” he admitted, his face a little flushed, this was all very new to him.

He laughed softly when the celestial spoke about not knowing how to stop, the dhampir still leaning into his shoulder smiled “Don’t worry, I can stay here for a while yet” he teased gently, though his curiosity did have him reaching out towards the light, wanting to know what it would feel like under his skin, as his fingertips touched it, it felt warm and soothing, much like the other male’s arms that he didn’t want to leave.

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