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Today marks the 2nd year anniversary of Cornelia’s death. Jem was stil hurting and struggling with grief. How her death hurt more than the most. It reminded how the part in his life he was most happiest at all was ripped away from him. It hurt him how he never was able to say goodbye. Not knowing that she had been dead for weeks before finding out from Clarissa who came back to pack up the house realising he was still there and in the dark. In a way he blamed himself for her death, whilst knowing he had no part in it. Still he felt guilty. Still believing he was cursed in a way. That people who he gets close to either dies or get ripped away from him. Losing so many people in his short life already. Jem could see how people look at him who knows who he is. The Orphan boy. With no family left. He became an orphan when he was barely an hour old with his mother passing away soon after he was born. Part of himself blamed himself for his mother's death, that he killed her. That it was his fault she was dead. That he was only taken in by his aunt and her husband because of his mother's dying wish. Growing up he felt like the real life version of Harry Potter but in his case all his mother's money was used up. Being treated like a human punching bag most of the time. Still years later he still hadn’t forgotten his horrible childhood and upbringing. Never opening up to anyone except Cornelia about it before. Not even Clarissa knew all the details, both of them were in too much pain following Cornelia’s death to bring up anyone that would cause even more pain.
Jem learnt how to keep all his pain hidden, even if it meant pushing people away. Still hurting after years later. Feeling like Cornelia’s death was yesterday when he found out. How her death hurt the most, how she was like the mother he never had, even if she was only 10 years younger than him but still felt the same. Taking those years where she took him in for granted. Only wishing he could take it all back, for it to be the same how it was before. When everything was simpler and he was happy. Yet Jem knew too well that it didn’t work like that even living in a world of magic and supeerntuautal creatures that black magic was not the way to go. Seeing too many horror movies and shows to find out never worked out the way people wished for it to go. Jem was lucky to still have Clarissa who took him in even when she didn’t have to as legally he was an adult but still she wanted him. He was suprised that she was still wanting him to stick around and move in with him. How they weren’t biologically related but still were family in a way. It was a bit awkward at first when he moved in how he knew she wasn’t too fond of children luckily he wasn’t much of a kid.
He struggled a lot over Cornelia’s death finding himself falling in sort of a depression at first for the first year. Being hurled up in his room. Not wanting to face the world. Taking up bad habits too. He started to drink illegally, smoke cigarettes even buying the occasional stash of drugs. Anything to help drown out the noise and voices he could feel inside of his head back then. Now he was only starting to get his life back on track slowly. Jem knew he couldn’t stay hurled up in his room forever and push people away. Knowing deep down it wouldn’t be something Cornelia would have wanted for him to do. Just wasting and throwing his life away. So he started to take college courses and classes online again having pushed it aside for years. He’d even started playing the guitar again writing down some lyrics in his song book. Slowly getting back to the things he used to love even if it was hard for him. Finding he was taking one day at a time. Clarissa says he’s become a bit of a scruff lately as she puts it. For him choosing to grow his hair longer, so his fluffy curls nearly reached his shoulder. He was never one too fussed over his appearance, preferring ripped jeans and graphic t-shirts. The two year anniversary was hard for both him and Clarissa, reminded by what happened. Jem knew he wanted to do something, how they would both go and get Cornelia’s favourite white roses and take them to lay on her grave. Then go and visit Isaiah’s too. Showing they haven’t forgotten, wanting to remember them.
Jem was sitting on the window ledge looking out at the city. It was one of his favourite places in their appartment, how they had a high floor with a good view of the city. Always helped to clear his head. They decided it was best to go at night rather than day time. He didn’t know why. Checking his phone he saw it was getting late, getting up from where he was sat. His eyes looked over to the roses that were lying on the kitchen table. Taking a deep breath he walked over to the roses picking them up, looking over to the direction of Clarrisa’s room where she was. “It’s time” He called, sounding saddened, always finding graveyards creepy more so lately. The two of them left the apartment and headed to the small graveyard where Cornelia and Isaiah’s bodies were burried right near was his dad's grave. Jem thought it was best to have them all near together that it would be something they would have wanted. Stopping in front of her grave, he crouched down putting the roses down in front of the headstones. Looking up at the headstone, he traced his fingers along her name. Feeling tears already starting to fall down his face, not able to keep it all together. “Hey, Cornelia. It’s been a while. I’m sorry, I don’t come more than I should be. I miss you” He spoke with a heavy heart, feeling heart broken. He wanted to put on a brave face for Clarissa but he couldn’t completey. Standing back up he went and took his place beside the bruntte. Looking over to almost to say that it was her turn.