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It had been on her mind for a while now. The idea of having a volakiri seemed almost foreign to the wayfinder because she didn't know how she could ever resolve herself to find someone she would trust with everything she had locked deep down. She might seem together on the surface but deep down she knew there were parts of her that were broken, hurting and trying to find ways to heal. She knew that came with beginning to face her demons from the past and whether she liked to admit it or not, Adriel was one of them.
She knew she needed to talk to him. Despite everything they went through in the past, the two of them were intertwined and he held a place in the Wayfinder's heart where he wouldn't ever leave. She loved him and he had been someone she felt like she could connect deeply with, she had shared a deep and vulnerable version of herself with him and when he left he had taken a part of her with him. She was often torn between still feeling hurt by the way he had left her but also missing the person she knew.
She'd told him she forgave him and she did, she understood now why he had left but that also didn't erase the hurt in her chest whenever she thought of the life they could have had. She'd asked Ce for his address a few days ago and been debating over it since then, full on pacing back and forth in her room and wondering if she was completely crazy for letting him back in her life or considering whether making a volakiri bond with him was what she wanted. Would he even want that?
That was the exact thoughts spinning through her mind at that moment as she stared at the door in front of her, lifting her hand to knock and then dropping it again as she took a deep breath, this was a bad idea wasn't it? He might not even be here or he might have company and not want to see her. She tried to shake it off but it made her realize that the feeling that was overwhelming her was nerves, she was nervous. She rolled her shoulders back and lifted her hand again, this time knocking lightly against the wooden frame.