- Don't Spam
- Don't Advertise
- Don't interrupt RP
- Use // or || for OOC Posts
- Be Kind. Always
The Online Roleplay Community
Tired. He was so tired. It had been three weeks since Jae had walked away that day and the cut still felt as fresh now as it did the moment he said it. To the world around him, Jae told everyone he was okay, he got up every morning and he showered, he said hello to his roommates when they passed him in the hall, he went to his classes, every single one without fail because skipping only made him think of Hanseol. He did his assignments on time and with as much effort as he always did. From the outside it looked like Jae was dealing with the breakup well, keeping his life together well. He wasn’t.
In three weeks Jae had gone through such a roller coaster of emotions and self-searching that it was hard to even sum it up into words. For the first couple of days all he had been able to do was cry, clutching at his chest like his heart was going to burst out of it because of the pain, he had fallen asleep from exhaustion from crying so many times that his head hurt so badly every time he woke up, it felt worse than any hangover he’d ever had. All he could do was replay the way things had unfolded, the words Han had spoken to him, the look on his face as the two of them argued. The way it had made him feel.
It felt like a part of him had been hollowed out and taken away, he still did everything he was supposed to do without fail but he did nothing else, when he came back to his room he would either study or stare into space for hours on end and question what ifs. Every little thing would remind the dhampir of the fallen star, from the flour in the cupboard that he had cussed at after he spilled it all over the counter to hearing his roommates talking with some girl in the next room and telling her how she amazing was. And every time he was reminded, it hurt, it brought back thoughts of the future he had begun to see with Hanseol. Maybe he was young and naive as they all told him but he honestly had been in so deep that he was ready to finally come out to his parents and risk the life he had always pictured for himself on Hanseol.
He felt stupid for even entertaining the idea when he knew all along that Han had told him lies, he supposed a part of him wanted to believe that night where he had found out about the star’s nightmares was impactful enough for the star to finally start telling him the truth. When he broke that promise he really did leave Jae with no other choice. If Jae had stayed after that then he was doing himself a massive disservice, he was saying that it was okay to continue this cycle over and over again and slowly chip away at the strong relationship they had built. He had wanted to stay, of course, he’d wanted to stay and on a different day he probably would have, he would have told Han it was okay and fooled himself into believing this was the last time he received a lie from the celestial’s lips.
But the reasons he told himself justified this split didn’t make him feel any better about it, he felt like he had lost something huge, something that he had come to rely on, something that had become a necessity to him and without it, he wasn’t sure how to have that same energy and enthusiasm he did before. He felt like all the passion and happiness had been sucked out of him and all that was left was a shell of a person. Someone he didn’t like, someone who was easily made angry because all his days seemed to be surrounded by right now was negativity. Someone who was dodging the person he considered his best friend and even his brother, who had to force Jae to let him in before the dhampir would finally admit what happened.
Eun had been there for him and told him that he was strong enough to get through this, but Jae honestly wasn’t sure he was. Because every time he saw Hanseol’s name light up on his phone or a new message appear on his voicemail, he couldn’t stop himself from reading the message or listening to his voice. Did that make him weak? He didn’t know if it did but he just didn’t know how to stop himself. It was a wonder that Jae hadn’t actually answered a call from him yet because the dhampir just allowed himself to fall into the trap. And every time he heard his voice on the other end of the line those feelings would come right back, his heart would lurch in his chest.
He missed him. He missed him more than he could even put into words. He missed the way his arms felt tucked around the star as they slept in the same bed together, he missed the stupid cheesy lines that Han would come up with throughout the day because he knew it would make Jae smile. He missed the tone of his voice when he would tell him that he loved him and the way Han's lips felt against his own, like they belonged there. Honestly, it was everything that Jae had ever wanted in a relationship, it was loving, passionate, a little dangerous, it was dedicated and even a little domestic. It was them. It was theirs.
And there had been many nights where all Jae had wanted to do was get on that stupid number 3 subway to the west of the city after class, show up on Hanseol’s door and tell him how sorry he was for ever scaring him the way he did. Give in, fall back into his arms, let him wrap him up and kiss the pain away. He just wanted the pain to be gone, it felt so hard to handle when he knew Hanseol was just across the city from him, they both still loved each other more than words can say and yet they were both here. Suffering in their own misery caused by them being apart. The problem was, while Jae might have blown some things out of proportion, he still had really valid and standing reasons for leaving and not a single one of them was going to be solved by that. He couldn’t go through the last three weeks again, no he’d made it this far, he had to see it through. He had to move on.
That’s what he told himself as he dived against his pillow, setting his phone on charge and closing his eyes. He laid there in the dark for a moment, telling himself not to do this again, not to let the memories creep in but they came regardless of what he wanted. He saw the celestial’s face, so perfect and ethereal as he looked back at him, those deep doe eyes capturing him in the way they always did. But it was a memory, he couldn’t reach out and touch him, he couldn’t even talk to him, how badly he missed talking to him, missed having someone to tell about his day, especially when it had been a bad one like today. See he knew exactly what day it was and it hurt him even to think about, especially because he’d put so much work into planning something special for Han’s birthday, he wanted the celestial to finally have a birthday he wanted to remember, a special one, something that made him look forward to every birthday.
Instead, he found the tears coming again as he whined against his pillow for the 21st night in a row, he clutched his chest as he felt his breathing get faster and more desperate. Why wasn’t he enough? Why couldn’t he fix this and why did he have to hurt so badly right now. The questions, mixed with the memories haunted him over and over again until eventually his body couldn’t take any more of the crying and he passed out from the sheer exhaustion he’d been putting his body through from trying to hold himself together.
The moment he wrapped his arms around the dhampir's slightly sturdier build, it didn't take long until Hanseol eventually allowed the exhaustion to eat whatever energy and effort that is left inside his internally mangled up body and system. The night engulfs him as he did the same to Jae, pressing his lips faintly on his head, brushing against the half-valkyr's dark locks that smelled the same the last time he met him. It gave him an overwhelming sense of security, being able to hold him again like old times, like nothing has changed. Closing his eyes shut to retire for the night had been the best choice he has ever made in those 3 weeks, or perhaps had it been the part where he had drunkenly speed dialed his ex-boyfriend and possibly guilt tripping him into coming to save him as if it was partially his fault?
Either way, the celestial was able to close his eyes peacefully and slowly drifted off the night into what seemed to be a serene slumber. Waking up to the light illuminating his face had been a normal occurrence whenever he falls asleep on the floors, or at his table if he was overworking himself with the paperwork. That's the problem there, though. One, he's nowhere near his office because he's not at the ground floor, for sure. There's no papers to be seen in his peripheral vision too. Two, the cooling sensation from the floorboards he's currently lying on gives him all the indication needed that the fallen star did, actually fall asleep on the floors. Nothing out of the ordinary in that. Fluttering his eyes open, his dark hues was greeted by the sight of a white mop of fur laying just a few centimeters away from him. Pulling his gaze up, it was Byul. Her striking blue hues bore deep into his mocha ones and was about to say something before he was taken aback by the sensation that washed over him at that exact moment.
He groaned as the hangover hits him with its first wave. Right, how had he forgotten that he'd been a total idiot and sidetracked himself into drinking his sorrows away on his birthday of all days. His ragged breathing grew heavier as he tried to pull himself up so he could at least, stand on his two feet, without falling and faceplant himself on the harsh floorboards. He tripped, admittedly more than once, and it was not pleasant. The bruise didn't go away until it had been his 5th day of icing. Apparently, the celestial discovered he's very prone to injuries and it leaves somewhat an anemic kind of bruise on him that will take days to fade even under the most well cared situation. When did he figure this out? Oh, it was about two months ago, while Han and Jae went for a picnic with both the pups and Han ended up bruising himself after tripping while trying to catch Byul who was as sneaky as her half-brother, Yeontan. That picnic really did a number on him, it was one of the most meaningful dates they ever had, not that every date wasn't memorable, but this particular one has a charming effect on him. It was so domesticated of them, watching over the puppies like they were their kids.
Eventually, the two of them ended up making out halfway into the trip, which was probably a risky spot to be at, considering they're in public. Luckily, there hasn't been anyone else beside them on that day, so they were able to almost achieve maximum privacy. Well, keyword being almost. It hadn't been a human soul who interrupted their heated session, it had been one of his own; the 1-year-old husky, Byul. Hanseol remembered scolding the poor puppy after he had claimed it cock-blocked her owner. It was all in fun's time, but now it's all just a memory. A memory he's sure he won't ever get to experience other than taking a stroll in his Memory Lane occasionally. A memory he can't recreate because Jae is no longer his. How long had he slept?
Glancing over to the clock as soon as he got himself to stand, though it wasn't without difficulty, which ended up the celestial being pressed against the edge of the bed due to the headache. It was still early, or late. What does he know about time nowadays, anyway? Whether he has an hourglass to measure his life or not, Hanseol no longer cares nor pay attention to such things. No joy in it anymore, he said. 11 30 am. As the celestial stretched out his limbs, he groaned out at the aching body of his. Most importantly, while he was busy trying to stretch out and rub the sore spots, he noticed that he was only clothed from the waist down and it wasn't even a proper clothing. It was a freaking towel. He's only covered with so much as a towel wrapped around his torso, covering his lower body until it reaches his knees and blanket he had covering him earlier. As he was folding the blanket carefully, he accidentally got a slight whiff on it. There's his scent, but there's also another faint one–all too familiar to him. Shaking his head as he dismissed the thought and deemed it illogical because there was completely no way Jae would come by. The dhampir was still ignoring his attempts to reconnect and he's not surprised.
Eyeing his reflection at the mirror on his vanity table, a frown creased his boyish features, resulting the male looking a lot more youthful than he already posed to be. Hanseol quickly got himself dressed and was about to carry Byul with him because the husky kept circling his legs. Until he heard a foreign sound, not too foreign because the celestial does know his place very well, having stayed here for almost two years already. It was the sound of pans? Or something similar to it, at least. He's living alone, and it couldn't have been Byul, because the husky is right there with him, and it couldn't have been Yeontan because he's a hopper but even the Pomeranian couldn't jump that high to the counter. Was it a burglar? The panic sets in, causing his heart rate to increase rapidly as he tries his best to keep it at a decent level before beckoning Byul to come with him.
Slowly descending from the stairs, his grip on the railing grew tighter every lasting second because he swore he heard someone cursing. Wait, he knew that voice. Is his head playing tricks on him now? Oh, it wasn't. This time, it's real. Or is it really? He's not hallucinating? With one hand cradling his head, the star stepped inside the kitchen area and eyed a few more saucepans that was scattered on the floor. So this is who his intruder is. Can't say he's not pleased. The dhampir no longer had blue locks, and he's nowhere trying to sort out the pans. “Jae?” he croaked out, his voice was being incredibly hoarse, like his throat was a Sahara desert.
The whole time Jae had been awake he had been trying to gather his thoughts and how he felt about what happened last night, it partly felt like somewhat of a dream because it was everything that he had hoped to hear all at once. He hadn’t been expecting anything, he was woken up at stupid o’clock and made a snap decision help the moment that Han had shown the smallest hint of trouble. Jae wasn't the kind of person who would allow a person to suffer like that, his conscience and his morals wouldn’t allow for that and the very thought of Han getting hurt made him feel physically sick to his stomach. He’d know it was going to be hard for him to see him and it was, seeing what toll three weeks apart had taken on Hanseol and where it had driven him too.
And it wasn’t a moment too soon given that they dhampir had arrived to find the star in trouble, being robbed of his things at the side of the road. Of course, Jae had chased those thugs off and he got the feeling his warning would stick with them. So it should, just because a person was drunk and vulnerable didn’t give you the right to take advantage of them or speak to them with derogatory terms. Just remembering the things they had said to the star and him made him mad but in the end, he’d gotten Han’s things back and the other male was unharmed. He remembered the way he had truly taken in the way Han looked, the dark circles under his eyes that told the dhampir Han had barely slept too, the way his whole being lit up when he saw Jae and how his very first response was to hug the dhampir in close like nothing even happened between them and they were back to three weeks ago.
He remembered sitting and looking up at the stars as Han explained all about them and sounded so at peace and happy, unlike the desperate voice Jae had gotten used to hearing on all those voicemails Hanseol had left him when they were apart. He remembered the way Han was spilling the truth part by part. It had been a lot of him to process, Jae was in a place where he thought the only way he was going to come out of this was by moving on. He’d given Han the chance to tell him things would be different that day in the alley, practically begged him for it and instead the celestial had gone into defensive mode and enforced the idea that he didn’t see Jae as equal in the dhampir’s mind. He had said that protecting Jae was more important than him being protected and that he had lied to Jae for his own good. The half-valkyr couldn’t stay with someone who truly believed that someone who would keep putting him in the dark for his ‘own good’, no one got to decide what was in his interests or not but him.
But last night had shed not only some light on the celestial’s fears and why he felt the way he did about their relationship but also where he stood on his willingness to change. He’d talked about regretting not pulling Jae in closer and seemed to understand how Jae might feel in regards to the position Jae had been in. Jae was still annoyed as hell that Han had shut him out and not told him about Yeon and he knew he had a small mountain to climb when it came to rebuilding that trust. But he did have hope. Hope that if Han truly did feel like shutting Jae out was a mistake that there was a chance the two of them could talk this out and find a place where they started again, this time with complete honesty. Especially now Jae knew for sure that the star’s fears about his darker side were something that wouldn’t scare him off, if anything, Jae wanted to be the one to help him face them and get through them.
Those were the reasons that in the end, he decided he should stay, he didn’t really know how this was going to play out or how Han was going to feel this morning, he was prepared to go through the entire thing again because the celestial wasn’t going to remember enough about last night to continue the discussion on. In fact, the dhampir suspected he quite likely wouldn’t remember anything about last night at all. He told himself that he had a little time until the star awoke to figure out what he was going to do and say, he could prepare himself and then he could face this. Whether it ended well or not, he could leave today with some closure on where they stood and how the star truly felt about him. That would be enough. He told himself, though part of him did wish deep down that Han would be willing to be as honest as he was last night. His time, however, it was cut much shorter the moment he knocked over all the pans.
He was mid picking up and restacking the pans when he heard Han’s voice behind him, the moment he heard the questioning tone in the star’s voice he felt his heart freeze in his chest for just a moment. Well, there went the hope that he might actually remember something, he sounded cautious, like he was about to face up to an intruder. He nervously turned around to face the star, his expression sheepish but he forced it down “Hey” he spoke hesitantly as he reached out to grab another of the pans he had knocked over “Sorry, you’d think I’d remember they were there after spending so much time here but as usual I have no coordination and they end up on the floor” he coughed a little awkwardly, okay Jae, you weren’t doing very well of actual casual right now.
He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders back trying to get back a little of his confidence as he looked back at the sleepy looking celestial “You look pretty well for someone who downed half a bar” he commented as he headed over to the sink and filled a glass with water and then slid it over the countertop towards Han. Jae had a lot he wanted to say but he was trying not to overwhelm the celestial who was probably wondering what the hell happened last night and why Jae was here “How’s the head?” he asked noting that Han was holding it with one hand and he suspected the answer was not great. He went quiet to allow the other male to ask any questions he had as he offered the pack of Paracetamol out to him.
When he woke up from his slumber, the first thing that popped up in his head was how good it felt to have a few hours worth of sleep without worrying if he would wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning because the nightmares deemed it necessary to bother the poor celestial on a daily basis. Surprisingly, he didn't get either one of them today and why is that? He had no idea. He couldn't recall a single detail that occurred last night probably due to his drunkenness. Hanseol knew there must be a solid reason to why he's not suffering from it today, not that it really matters much because he's not complaining about it. Did he want to find out what could be a potential remedy for the celestial future lonely nights? Of course.
He doesn't have Jae anymore to accompany him and brush all those fears away, so obviously he needed to resort to a new method if he wants any hope of living his life ‘healthily’ albeit the discouraging wiles he goes through every single day since that argument that broke our between them. The second thing is just how much alcohol did he consume last night once the searing pain bellowed. God, it feels as if his head is undergoing aneurysms and that it's at a boiling point where it only takes one flick of the edge to snap. Grumbling in distress as the celestial brought one hand to clutch the side of his head and massaged his temples as he leaned against the walls of his room, with one eye peeked, only to see the sight of his husly standing idly by in front of him, staring at him like he was the most interesting specimen or object. “I swear if you're trying to mock me, I'm gonna put you on a time out the next time, Byul.” That alone was enough to send a clear message towards his dog that he was not in a mood to be so tolerant today. Not with this hangover.
When his ears perked up at the sudden disruption downstairs, there were plenty of thoughts whirring inside his head and given his current state who could probably down an entire bottle of Paracetamol, it's hard to comprehend things. If there was anything intruder, then how the hell is he going to get through the day? He couldn't even walk properly, much less defend himself if it's needed once the said intruder points at him. His steps were soft and sneaky, not a creak was heard every time he placed one foot over the other at every step. Thankfully, much to his delight, it turned out to be the person he missed and wanted to see the most, rather than a stranger or a robber. His free hand smoothed his shirt awkwardly in attempts not to be seen as too stiff because that's exactly what Hanseol is being right now. Stiff. Like hell. It was like he froze as soon as he laid his eyes on Jae.
Why was he here? The dark-haired celestial eyed the dhampir from head to toe, he was dressed in last night's clothes but what does he know about it, it's not as if he could recall anything. “Hey... “ he had so many questions unanswered and boy, he feels so tempted to run his mouth regarding it. “I'm not really surprised. I mean, I'm surprised to find you here. But not surprised that your clumsy and reckless ass would knock over perfectly arranged pans” there was a slight amusement and humor in his tone, comprising of a lighter and much more languid flow to it. Damn, now that he's eyed the dhampir for a little over a few minutes, he noticed how the smallest details stood out to him, how much he's missed him so badly. The authentic black color looks good on him, though he was sure Jae always looks good in anything. Right, he downed half a bar. Wait, how did Jae know of that?
“W-wha-” The fallen star had a skeptical look and it was all shown thru his doe-like hues which widened in confusion. “It's pounding…” It didn't take him long to morph into a look of realization shortly after he accepted the glass of water and Paracetamol from Jae. What. The. Fuck. Did he do anything to Jae last night? Oh my god. “Wait, how did you-, no… Uh, were you with me last night?” so many questions, but one that stood to him was the choice of clothing he dressed himself in, or at least what he woke up in. “Jae, did we slept together last night? Are you saying I fucked you? Oh my god, and I can't even recall a single thing-” And just like that, all of the embarrassment and panic dawned on him. Well this certainly explained why he was able to sleep without a trouble.
The dhampir knew how difficult this was going to be for him, by staying he was essentially deciding to explain everything that happened last night to Hanseol and there was a lot to recount, Jae had done his best to keep out of the star’s magnetic pull but in the end he had allowed him to kiss him and part of him regretted that. He did feel like that was taking advantage of the celestial’s situation a little but Jae had made sure it went no further. In the end, though, he had given into his own weakness and fallen asleep in the celestial’s arms. None of this was simple or easy, his actions weren’t perfect, Han’s weren’t either. The aftermath of what felt like a very messy and raw break up. That’s what happened when two people who still wanted to be together weren’t anymore he supposed. Complication. He definitely felt torn in different directions about the whole thing. Especially because of some of the things Han had said to him last night.
The moment he saw Hanseol their eyes locked for just a few seconds, he saw the shock and confusion almost immediately on Han’s face which was echoed in his own, he wasn’t sure he could actually explain the reasons why he had stayed easily either. He knew it was reckless and depending on how this morning went, could feel like a massive mistake. He watched the way Han ran a hand over his shirt as if to make himself presentable, Jae was still wearing his jeans, t-shirt and even leather jacket from last night. He imagined it was quite the difference for the star who had last seen him with bright blue locks. Blue had reminded him of Han though, knowing it was his favorite color. Jae attempted to give him a semi-encouraging smile to tell him he didn’t need to be afraid of his presence. He knew the celestial would only remember the last time they saw one another as the time they fought and he wanted Han to know he was calm right now.
He could see the look in Han’s eyes and know he was tempted to go into full rambling mode but he was holding himself back, Jae appreciated that because he often found it hard to keep up when Han went into that state and the dhampir was kinda hoping to approach this whole thing with a clear head. Honestly, he just wanted things to work out, he was so tired of being mad at Hanseol and forcing himself to stay away so it was no surprise really that he had jumped at the opportunity to fix things between them. And of course one of the first things Han would say would make the dhampir laugh, he shook his head and shrugged “Well it’s not a normal day for me if I don’t trip on something or get in a fight with an inanimate object” he admitted and pressed his lips together as he put the last pan back on the rack and moved away from it knowing it would be just his luck to knock it over again.
He was looking back at Han and trying to gauge what he was thinking at that moment but mostly he just looked like his head really hurt. Jae without a second thought had passed him the water and painkillers to help with that, he’d experienced many a hangover before and he knew how the story went. And there it was, the look of panic which came over the celestial’s features as the reality of what was happening right now set in and the questions started coming rapid fire. Jae let him get all of them out while remaining quiet, looking back at him with a slightly amused but also slightly worried expression on his face. Especially when Han asked him if they slept together and Jae averted his gaze still feeling guilty for allowing that kiss to happen “No” he assured the other male “You called me in a pretty bad state last night and I came to bring you home” he assured him, he didn’t wanna lie about what happened, their problems started with lies at all.
“We got back here, I ran you a bath because you absolutely stunk of booze” Jae scratched at the back of his neck not sure how to say what happened next “You kissed me, that was all that happened” he assured holding his hands out in front of him, he shouldn’t have kissed him back, that was a mistake but he couldn’t change that now “I would uh…” he bit on his lip “I would never want to take advantage like that” he admitted with a puzzled expression as he let that all sink in. He hadn’t said about the things Han had said last night because that would take much longer to sleep “You said you’d been having trouble sleeping, I should have left but I guess I ended up passed out on the floor” he didn’t remember much of that part if he was honest, he was completely overwhelmed from both physical and emotional exhaustion at that point.
The sight of Jae intervening front of him wasn't making sense. Why was he here? The better question is that, how was he here? Did he use the spare key he gave on his birthday last April? That was when his eyes darted to his neckline to see if he was sporting any necklace, but to much of his dismay, there was no sign of a silver chain around him, which could only meant one thing; he took it off or threw it away and that he didn't use it to come inside. Hanseol could be drunk like hell or reckless but even the celestial knew to lock his door to his residency before going anywhere. Besides, he doubted he was drunk before leaving, last night. So exactly how did the dhampir drag him in when he didn't have the key? A few seconds passed and it was when he realized that he's been incredibly stupid, not that it's surprising. Hanseol has been incredibly idiotic lately. Nobody knows why, yeah. Sure. Not one soul knew, hmm.
He's also a simpleton, which meant of course Jae, his former boyfriend, would know where he hid his keys at whenever he goes out. Stupid Han. He did wonder what happened last night, though. Did he do something stupid? “You look… good.” Great compliment, Han. But Jae really did look good. With the leather jacket adorning his body and that jet black hair, it was as if the dhampir aged up a few years to look more mature. When Jae told him a portion of what occurred last night, he gawked momentarily but understood how logical and rational that sounded to his drunken head. Why did he say portion? A part of the celestial knew Jae didn't say it fully. Something went down last night, and it wasn't just them kissing. Speaking of kissing, he was surprised by that. Not because he kissed Jae, because honestly, Han would do just the same if he's brave enough in his sober state. But more to the fact that perhaps Jae kissed him back. Would he be delusional to think that could've been a possibility?
That thought alone was enough to make his heart flutter. The butterflies returned to its owner in less than a few seconds, making its home inside the pit of his tummy once again, as if it never left. It didn't feel so empty anymore then. What a miraculous event. This meant he had a chance with him, and at this moment, Hanseol knew he would do just about anything just to win the half-valkyr's heart once again, and once he does, he would never let go of it ever again. He would wrap it in a case and take care of it for it is very fragile and sensitive, just like the guy he loves. Yes, once. Not if. Surprisingly, the fallen star is quite confident in winning Jae back. Something tells him he's going to work very hard to do this but he would get him the moon had he asked that of him, so is it really necessary to actually make a big deal out of it? As if they were reminiscing old memories, the celestial formed a small smile, a genuine one that could be seen to light his whole face up partially while holding on to a few freckles of sadness because it was nostalgic. How he wanted to go back to those times again.
“That's your charm, reckless and uniquely beautiful” oh he did not realize that slipped out but now that he's said it, there's no point in hiding that anymore. He may as well say it outloud if the dhampir didn't catch them, which he doubted. “I noticed you weren't wearing your necklace, which kind of made me question how the hell you got inside until I realized I'm a simpleton when it comes to housing arrangements and you probably knew where I left my keys at” he mused, the dark hues dilating slightly when the hopeful part came passing by. “that, or you never really forgot where I put my things or how I do them.” Hopefully, it's the latter. Please. His cheeks did flamed up at the sudden tell of him calling him in the middle of the night where Jae's was probably busy sleeping. “I'm sorry for that… you didn't have to entertain, you know. I-” oh god, it feels so difficult to say it. “I'm not your responsibility, anymore.” Yet he still said it. No matter how much he would evade this, he knew there was no way he could run from it forever.
If they were going to make this work again, then they should get down to work, well, he needs to get down to work. But if it's not going to change, which he dreaded the most, he may as well make it clear where their boundaries lie. “But… thank you for bringing me back home, Jae. I really appreciate that. I hope I didn't cause you anymore trouble last night. Did I? Cause any unnecessary trouble? Did I end up getting into a petty fight or something?” God, he surely hoped not. Even in their current arrangement and status, the dhampir stayed with him and even went as far as to run him a bath. How considerate is the dhampir? Infinite. Hanseol scrunched his nose up in distaste at the mention of booze and him reeking of alcohol. It must've been hellish, as hellish as his head is suffering, right now, if not worse. Was this more of karma?
“Did you kiss me back?” Of course, that's what he'd ask. “If you did, then it's fine. I just wished it didn't take drunk me to take all that courage and do that” he murmured silently, how was it that drunk him had more courage than sober him? He envied that. “Thank you… for staying with me. That explains why I woke up sleeping on the floor, and I actually had a decent sleep after a while” he expressed his thanks before bringing one hand up to scratch the back of his head awkwardly. “Wh-what happened last night, Jae? Please tell me. Did I say anything? I need to know... “
The compliment from the other male did catch him off guard for a moment, of all of the first things he thought they would say to one another after that hell of a fight, this wasn’t it, naturally Jae reached a hand up to run through the dark locks of hair, their hair was pretty much the same shade now, perhaps Jae’s was a little darker “Thanks” he responded with a half smile “Wanted a change and figured it went with the motorcycle” he admitted before realizing Han wouldn’t remember that he had one. Well, there was one revelation covered he supposed. Jae really liked having his own mode of transport and not having to constantly rely on trains or buses anymore, he could go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted and there was something really freeing about that. Plus he kinda liked the look it gave him
As he was explaining what happened last night he was doing his best to not completely overwhelm Hanseol, he didn’t want to scare him or make him feel like he did anything wrong, the dhampir in a way was really glad he called him. Sure it was kinda messed up and Han had given him quite the fright but would they have been able to bridge the gap between them any other way? Jae wasn’t sure they would, he’d purposely been avoiding Hanseol’s calls and messages because he didn’t want to come running back. He hadn’t been ready to talk things out then, in fact, he had convinced himself there wasn’t any really any point in doing so because they had said everything they wanted to say in the alley and it had ended anyway. But now, now Jae knew there were a lot of things Han didn’t say, things that might have convinced Jae there was a reason to stay. Now he wanted to know if the celestial meant them or even wanted to share them now he was sober.
Jae laughed and ducked his head a little when the other male called him reckless and beautiful, sounded just like something Hanseol would say, so much so that it almost felt like deja vu to hear it. “General danger to inanimate objects as a whole” he added to the end though he wasn’t sure if he was a danger to them or vice versa, to be honest. When Han mentioned the necklace, Jae’s hand naturally went up to his neck and rested against his own chest with a slight frown, still felt weird not having it on, like something was missing. “You had keys in your back pocket as usual” he spoke softly, always the right pocket of his jeans which Jae had always told him was probably going to get pickpocketed one day but the celestial insisted on continuing to put them there anyway “Couldn’t exactly leave you on the front lawn after all, though with how tired you were, you’d have probably slept there happily” he pressed his lips together hating being the reason Hanseol had driven himself to drink.
When he heard Han apologize for the fact he called and told Jae he shouldn’t have come to save him because he wasn’t his responsibility Jae shrugged slightly “I told you I’d be there for you the next time you drank” he spoke softly and worried at his bottom lip, not sure how much he should give himself away but he figured if he wasn’t honest now then he was a hypocrite so he continued “I could hear traffic in the background of the call and you were barely managing to stay on the sidewalk, I was…” he paused as he looked up at Han “I was worried” he admitted with hesitant expression, he was a little mad that the celestial had been so reckless but he also felt somewhat to blame for it so he didn’t want to scold him. He was sure the hangover was probably punishment enough and it wasn’t like he had any right to tell the star what he could or couldn’t do.
Jae laughed and scratched at the back of his neck “Well you wanted to stay and sit by the exit highway of Evermore and stargaze, I learned a lot about the Gemini constellation” he admitted and then blushed a little as he remembered how Han had said he would be his Gemini for that night because it didn’t appear in June. His question about getting in a petty fight made Jae’s brow furrow “There were a bunch of males bothering you when I got there, wanted your wallet and that bracelet” he pointed out the silver chain on Han’s wrist “Low lives said some pretty vulgar things too” but Jae had made short work of their presence and sent them off with their tail between their legs “Nothing I couldn’t handle though” he admitted with a nod, he wasn’t looking for Han to call him his hero or anything, he was literally just being honest about what happened because he knew how scary it could be to wake up with no recollection of what happened and he had promised Hanseol to always tell him the truth. Jae held good on his promises.
Jae went utterly silent when Han asked him if he kissed back though, he still felt awful for doing so given that Han wasn’t in control of his actions and and might not have even wanted to kiss him though he was relieved when the other male assured him it was okay “I did” he answered honestly and pressed his lips together “It was a moment of weakness, I’m sorry” he knew Han had already said it was okay but he still felt the need to apologize for his actions, Han was drunk and he’d allowed it to happen. “I’m also sorry for uh…” he paused and sighed “For not calling you back, I was mad and upset but I should have given you the chance to explain. Kinda makes me a hypocrite to shut you out” He knew Han was going to know he’d said things that maybe he hadn’t wanted to when Jae admitted that. The dhampir went quiet as he let him process it all.
When Han asked what happened he sighed again “You said a lot of things Han” he admitted with a conflicted expression on his face “And I don’t really know how much of it was the booze talking and how much of it you meant if any” he admitted as he looked up at the doe-eyed male for a moment. “I stayed because I…” he was clearly feeling agitated and worried from the way he kept running his hands through his hair and picking at the sleeves of his clothing “I guess I wanted to hear you say it all sober” he admitted, he knew that was giving Hanseol hope but it was how he felt about it. “It can wait though, don’t strain yourself while you’re hungover” he spoke softly, he didn’t want to do this while Han was in pain.
Giving out compliments when it comes to Jae felt so comfortable and natural for the celestial, it’s just his second nature. Of course, he knew this was probably the worse place to even talk about it, considering their relationship isn’t exactly at the current par with each other. So once those words flew out from his mouth, he felt like a ton of bricks just fell on top of him, burying the celestial underneath his own cloud of shame. What the hell, Han? Why did you even say it like it meant something? When you know exactly where you are standing. He noticed it had seemed like he’s posing himself to be desperate but is it really something he’d pay attention to? He didn’t mind if Jae sees him as someone who’s desperate for his love and attention because that’s exactly what Hanseol is. Desperate for his attention and love, equally the same.
Much like his previous drunken state, the confidence came surging through, leaving every nerve and joints tingling from the jolt. God, he wanted to do nothing more than clasp the dhampir’s hands together so he could kiss the knuckles and hold on it until the end of days. Wait, motorcycle? What? “Did you just say… motorcycle? Like, the big bike motorcycle? A form of transportation?” Hey, he blacked out last night which meant he pretty much blanked out on everything else so no, he was not aware of the motorcycle that Jae used to bring him back home, much less remember how he had fallen asleep against the dhampir’s back while the wind hits his face. “You have a motorcycle, Jae?” he quipped softly, the obliviousness marring his face as the dark-hued doe eyes widened a bit, expressing his surprise over the matter. That was when he took in the leather jacket adorning the dark-haired male before him, is that why he’s donning that?
Jae is beautiful, reckless and careless perhaps, but that only made him stand out even more in his eyes, not that the celestial had his attention elsewhere anyway. With the jet black hair he’s sporting, the dhampir looked more alluring and insightful, if that’s one way to describe him. From head to toe, Jae was dressed casually and used dark colors to suit the setting, which honestly, made him look so much more handsome. His head was whirring with so many thoughts and possibilities alike because all the fallen star could think of is what he’s been talking about to Jae, last night. How long did he run his mouth? Did he offend Jae in any way? But a part of him reassured himself it was not that, since here he was, staying back for him. Or at least, he thinks it is for him. He’s probably just doing this out of the goodness of his heart, Han, don’t fool yourself into being so hopeful that it might mean more or something else than it originally is, he told himself. The harsh undertone was really reeling numbers on him. Hear him out, he added.
At least, that’s what he should be doing after trying to get ahold of the dhampir for the past 3 weeks. Perhaps with this revelation, he wouldn’t feel so empty anymore, well, not the empty kind where he wasn’t sure what Jae thought of him. Han told himself to accept every single word Jae would throw his way, with an open heart. But would he truly be able to do that? What’s stopping him from throwing a tantrum by wrecking the entire place and wallowing again? What is stopping him for getting drunk again? “You’re a danger to a lot of things, Jae. Living and nonliving, to be honest” he murmured, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips, attempting to show the half-valkyr that he’s fine. But was he really? With enough conviction, even he could remember that Jae could read him easily, which meant the latter could always sense if anything was wrong. He managed to stop himself from saying Jae’s a danger to his heart because he wasn’t sure what to make of that sentence had he said it. Would Jae perceive is as an insult, given their current predicament and arrangement? Or would he see it as what Han truly meant, in a playful and teasing manner per usual despite their status?
The fact that Jae remembered where the celestial always placed his keys, made his heart lurch. How was it that the dhampir could remember the simplest things like that? It would always warm his heart whenever the dhampir paid attention to them. Jae knew Han better than he knew himself. “I’m surprised you didn’t chastise me like you usually did, putting keys on my back pocket where anyone could pick up” he mumbled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly and averted his gaze downwards because if he stared at the half-valkyr any longer, he might actually blush and betray his own expression because god, he really does look good. The dark hair complimented his complexion and made him look more mature. Hanseol usually does blush whenever he’s within close proximity with the male but not in his current state, he shouldn’t. He didn’t have a right to blush. Not after he hurt and drove a wedge in what would’ve become a beautiful relationship. “Yeah, you’re not wrong, I would actually sleep there with a closed mind” a part of him wanted Jae to leave him there because perhaps having no hope is better than having them. Having hope, that’s been Hanseol’s fear all this time and he’s used to the fact that he wasn’t privileged enough to possess them.
However, at least up to 80% of him was glad that he didn’t. Jae still cares for him, does that mean Jae still loves him? “You still remember your promises to me and I broke what’s left of mine to you, it shouldn’t be that way. It’s not fair that you should look over me when I haven’t done anything to warrant such behavior.” Han didn’t mean to push Jae away, in fact, it’s the opposite of what he wished to do. He wanted to wrap his hands around Jae and never let go of him ever again. It was clear that he was still beating himself up over what he did a few weeks ago. Hearing that he was worried for him, his eyes glanced up to meet his own dark hues, staring into them slightly longer than he probably should, softening slowly as his breath hitched internally. He’s weak enough for Jae, but he could never deny the pull the dhampir possessed when it comes to eye contact. It was a magnetic pull he could never say no to, which honestly did make him feel a bit embarrassed. Gemini constellation? That’s him, right there.
“I’m sure you were bored from my lecture regarding the astrology, it’s not something anyone will stop by, take a seat, and listen fully without a few yawns in between.” A blush rose up as he cleared his throat a few times in shame. “But thank you, for listening anyway. I was probably thrilled to have someone hear me out last night. I was probably being an annoying mopey mess, wasn’t I?” he chuckled tenderly, there was a slight wince to it too because of how forcibly he tried to sound happy about it when he’s beating himself internally for making a fool out of himself. His hand went automatically to his wrist, cradling his silver bracelet that didn’t move an inch from where it was for so many years. “Thank you, Jae… you have no idea how grateful I am. I don’t think I can ever live my life knowing I lost another precious thing in my life.” That’s it. Another. Hanseol literally worded it the way he would; Jaesung is his precious thing, and so is the bracelet. That’s why he made sure to make a replica of the same so he could gift him the thing that was the most important to him before he set a foot inside his life. Jae, paired up with the bracelet, is the equivalent of the most important thing in his life.
Of course, he didn’t mind that there were people that would be bothering him. But he knew the vulgar things they said was exactly what would trigger the half-valkyr. Jae never liked it, he’s the knight in their relationship. Hanseol was glad to know that Jae kissed back until he heard what came after. It was a moment of weakness? “It was?” As if a tear-jerking moment just passed by and the whimper came after, that’s what happened. The way Han’s voice would slow down until it felt compressed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake on my part too…” of course, he would say that. But how well did he allow his face to show how hurt he was by the statement? It was like he just got kicked. “Well, look at the bright side, you accepted last night, right?” Or was that a mistake too? Thankfully, Han held that back. As if the tear duct came back to work, now it wants to flood the celestial and he’s not sure if he wants to hold them back anymore. “I may not remember what I said, but I have a feeling it’s me raving about how much I missed and love you. I don’t know what to say, Jae…” sighing heavily, he took a seat near the counter and drained the entire glass of water before gulping down the pill.
“I do miss you… I still love you… more than I did before. Waiting for you every night feels a lot more miserable because I know it’s not me waiting for you to stop by and hug me the way you usually did when I’m tired. You weren’t there, anymore. It’s been painful... “ He even slumped himself against the cool marble countertop, pushing his cheeks on them.
It was so easy for them to fall into this state with each other, they knew one another so well and had come to pick up on every quirk and habits, Han probably knew Jae better than anyone, including the people who raised him and the people he grew up alongside. Though Eun might give him a run for his money, Jae and his brother had been apart for a while and a lot had happened since Jae left Korea. Still, being with Han, even now, felt natural and easy, he could read the looks in his eyes as easy as reading a book. Jae also knew how scarily easily he could therefore fall into old habits. Just seeing Han made the dhampir want to run into his arms and hold him tightly. Lean in against his neck and tell him how much he missed and loved him. He would have meant all of it too, Jae missed Hanseol so badly that it hurt a little in his chest standing here with distance away from him.
What Han had said last night about their relationship and where he stood with it though, that had stuck with the dhampir even to this morning, he really wanted to believe in it, believe that Han thought shutting Jae out was a mistake and that he was ready to admit the truth to him. Especially that particular truth about why the celestial thought Jae was gonna walk out on him one day. Jae wanted to assure him that he wouldn’t have, that he didn’t give up on a good thing just because someone showed a flaw. It was the repeated lying and lack of trust that had led to this, not the fact that Han still felt scars from the time he was locked up. When Han mentioned the motorcycle back to him the dhampir chuckled “Yeah...bit of a whim decision but at least I finally have my own transport” he’d always been complaining about cancelled trains and buses and Han had suggested several times he save for a car “You got to ride on it last night, though you don’t remember” he pulled back the kitchen curtain to show him it standing outside by the side of the road.
He wasn’t surprised that Han didn’t remember but it was frustrating nonetheless, Jae felt like he needed to explain himself and everything he had done last night despite it all being in good intentions because it felt wrong to still be here in the morning. Han didn’t seem upset by the fact he was here though, if anything, the celestial seemed pretty glad to see him. He’d stayed because he didn’t think he would ever feel true closure to this relationship without hearing where the star stood now that the sun had come up. He was hoping so much that the openness he’d gotten wasn’t just the rambling of the alcohol and that the celestial really believed they could fix this, that they could get to a place where lies didn't exist between them. Jae watched Han’s eyes, those gorgeous, dark hues he had lost himself more times he could count, searching for his truth, trying to figure out where the other male stood.
Jae knew he should have picked up the phone sooner, if he’d known this was how the star felt he would have called him back the first time, all that Jae wanted to do was fix things, he hadn’t wanted to cry himself to sleep against his pillow because he missed the celestial’s arms around him, he didn’t want to feel angry at every little reminder he had of the star. He just wanted the heartbreak to be over, he wanted to know it was either over for good or that they would be able to figure this out. He hated the middle ground. At Han’s little quip Jae laughed, averting his gaze to the floor and then back to Han “I mean I did trip over some guy in the dark one night after all” and for the first time in a very long time, Jae blushed softly as he remembered it and how clueless the two of them had been back then. Never would he have guessed it would lead them to this moment. The smile Han pulled though, it didn’t reach the eyes and he could tell the other male was still hurting. How could he not be, they had to both feel the massive absence of us become I after all.
Jae remembered a lot of little details about Han, that happened when you spent so much time around one person and while they were not technically living together officially, Jae had been staying over Han’s more and more over the past months, he knew where the birthday candles were, where Han liked to hide presents, where the star stashed any sweets he didn’t want to share. Jae knew so much and loved knowing that much about one person. One very significant person. The comment about telling him off though, made Jae laugh “Believe me I was tempted, but I was carrying you and was more focused on not dropping you or the keys” he nodded a little, it probably would have been easier if the star had stayed asleep and the whole kiss never happened but he also didn’t regret how things had played out, in a strange way. Jae gave a sad smile when Han continued to act like he didn’t want Jae to be there though, he wasn’t sure where he stood right now and yet he was still here. The power the celestial had over him.
The dhampir nodded softly when Han asked him about remembering the promises he made “Yeah well I don’t break my promises” he spoke with a sigh and played with the hair at the back of his neck. Honestly, Han wasn’t filling him with confidence right now, it sounded like the star was upset he had come and maybe Jae was upset too. Though his upset was about his disappointment because he supposed a part of him was hoping Han was ready to stop putting these walls up and just be real with him about what he wanted and where they stood “Besides, I think we both know whatever happens you’re always going to be special to me” well here he was putting himself out there once more, though he felt jittery and nervous because this could turn out so painful for him if he was wrong about what Han wanted. As he met the star’s eyes, he saw his breath hitch and the dhampir couldn’t stop himself from taking a step closer, his hand was shaking as he reached up to run his thumb over Han’s cheek and he gave a soft sigh “You must be hurting so badly, I’m sorry” he hated being the reason for this and he hated that Han felt the need to push him away right now.
As he dropped his hand to his side he still stayed there, his eyes on Han’s the vulnerability in his eyes showing the celestial that he wasn’t here to yell at him or demand things from him, it probably told Han something had changed. In truth, perhaps everything had changed, because of last night, because here the dhampir was again, holding onto the little hope he had left. “You told me you’d be my Gemini because it wasn’t visible in June” he admitted and the blush was evident on his cheeks as he said that. Maybe he was stupid for reading into all the things he heard too much but he’d always been a fool for Hanseol, nothing had really changed on that note. At the mention of the bracelet, Jae’s hand naturally went to his own wrist where he used to wear the replica of it that Han had given him and he bit gently on his lip “Some things are too important” he spoke softly and nodded a little, it was clear he wasn’t just talking about the bracelet.
He saw the way Han’s face fell when he said that and he realized quickly that he may have said in a way that implied that he didn’t want to the star to kiss him, that was far from the truth considering Jae had almost kissed him by the roadside, leaned in himself too “It was only a mistake because you were drunk Han, don’t mistake me” he was tearing up a little but he swallowed it down “I didn’t want that to be the last memory I have of kissing you” he admitted as he pressed his lips together “One you wouldn’t remember” he reached up to rub at his eyes, annoyed he wasn’t able to hold it back but then a part of him knew he needed to do this, if they stood any chance of fixing this it had to be raw truth and nothing but that. No more lies, no more protecting each other for the sake of feelings. Just truth.
“Start by telling me that’s true” he spoke softly in a voice above a whisper “Tell me you meant it when you told me that lying to me was a mistake” he blinked and a tear did escape and roll down his cheek. He listened as Han assured him he did still love him and miss him “It’s been painful for me too” he admitted “I lost everything that made me believe I was strong, the very ground I felt like I was standing on Han, you were my strength and without you I feel weak” he took a shaky breath as he came up being the other male and hugged him from behind, his chin resting on the star’s shoulder as he closed his eyes “Can we fix this?” he asked the other male in a weak voice, he wasn’t sure either of them had the answer to that right now but that was him offering to talk it out and there it was, everything laid on the line, either Han was ready to talk this out and face his fears, or this would be their ending.
Who was the guy in front of him? Someone who knew him better than he knew himself. Someone he would quite literally give up his life for if needed to be. Someone he knew he would have no problem doing anything for. That’s who Jaesung Moon is to Hanseol Park, their relationship would’ve been beautiful, it would’ve flourished the way it was meant to be, had it not been to the celestial’s fault in sacrificing that. Han knew the moment he allowed that small lie slip out of his mouth, there was no coming back from it for he would continue doing the same for days, weeks, months long. He could never own up to the fact that he lied to his own lover, after promising him just a month ago that he would stop hiding things from him; that he would stop keeping secrets from him because that’s not how couples work. They need to trust each other and believe in one another, and unfortunately, Han hasn’t been doing well in that department for a while now. Can this relationship be mended and healed? Could it be saved? Was he able to receive yet another chance to play his part in this?
God, he desperately wished for one. Hanseol can’t even think about losing Jae, that was simply not possible for him to think about albeit it was very clear that’s what would happen if this persists between the two of them. The more he stood still in front of Jae, the more the fallen star find it hard to keep still. Not when his fist was balled up, his jaw clenched so tightly he might actually have a growl or snarl erupt soon like any animal, fingers twitching from this side to the other, and of course, his entire body trembling under the fear his head had fed lies to. Is this it? Was this the end of their relationship? Why is it so hard for him to stay glued to the ground when all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around the dhampir and cry into his shoulders, the same way he always does whenever he’s burdened. And Jae would stroke his hair tenderly while whispering into his ears that everything was going to be alright. He wanted that to happen again, so badly. What’s the risk of him doing that and receiving a cold shoulder as the result instead?
But Jae said he wouldn’t give up on him, he remembered that. The half-valkyr promised him somewhat, that he wouldn’t leave him. This, the past 3 weeks had been nothing but a break for them, right? It wasn’t supposed to be something permanent? But dear lord, hearing him chuckle had made him sigh in relief, releasing the gush of air he wasn’t even aware that he’s been holding it before. His dark hues softened at the thought of Jae showcasing his independence. He wished he was to see it. Well, to be fair, he is now present to witness it. His eyes followed the dhampir’s hold over the curtains, shoving it aside so the celestial could see the motorcycle parked just outside the lawn. “That’s good to hear, Jae. Commuting isn’t something I assume anyone would want to use as their permanent long-term transportation mode” he mumbled softly, his voice sounding slightly scratchy from the lack of water washing his throat down. The alcohol burned it and now he’s going to need more than just a glass of water to soothe it. Shaking his head in response to his question, Han couldn’t recall a single thing about last night. He really did blackout with no recollection whatsoever.
“I don’t remember, I really did blackout last night, Jae. The only thing I can remember is how idiotic I was trying to down half the bar when I know my alcohol tolerance is probably nowhere near strong, especially in such a state. I could’ve caused unnecessary problems and burden others…” his voice sounded so timid as if he was trying to hide his entire existence in that hole he just dug. He felt ashamed. Being troublesome is the last thing on his list. Ever. Hanseol is currently beating himself up in hopes that perhaps, he could recall a few figments of their conversation, or what he thought was one, last night. At least, he wouldn’t be so clueless and confused. It made him feel as if he’s being a disadvantage severely. “Why did you stay, Jae?” After a while of gazing on the floorboards underneath them, Han finally met the dhampir’s mocha hues and pursed his lips, spreading it into a fine thin line. There’s no use on making empty conversations he knew would not get them anywhere. Since the star couldn’t remember what he said to him last night, the least he could do is try to muster up the strength to say what he’s always wanted to say to him once Jae picks up the call on any other day. But why is it so hard to speak those words when the male in front of him looked equally distraught by their progress? “I know it’s probably your conscience keeping you here, or maybe my delusional self wanted to believe that you still love me.” He didn’t say care, he said love. He was being very clear on how he picked his words.
It’s so hard when the dhampir reminisced their first meeting months ago, the time where Jae tripped on him while Han was busy drawing in the dark. “You tripped and fell for that someone… I think that’s melancholic. Poetic, even. Don’t you think so?” He’s not good at words, not the same way his boyfr-, ex-boyfriend is. Why did that word hurt so much? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s been left alone, so why is this any different? Because Jae is someone you wanted to build your life with, he told himself. He’s someone you want to go back home to after a tiring day at the clinic. The guy you want to kiss goodnight and good morning to. Hug him. Kiss him. Nuzzle your head into the nook of his neck. Those three suggestions he had swimming in his head was tempting him. How long do they have to be apart like this? So close yet so far? Give up, Han. Say it now or just weep yourself to sleep again, what’s new? “I want to be your special someone forever though…” he trailed, fiddling with his fingers absentmindedly as his gaze was averted downwards, directing his entire focus to the floorboards again. “I don’t want to be someone that’s just special to you… in the past or anything. I want to be your special someone.” Was it anywhere different? Perhaps to Han. He couldn’t look up and meet his eyes because Hanseol was sure he’s not going to be able to keep the tears from flooding if he did. But he wanted to stare in those dark hues he loved so much, so his hold over his control faltered momentarily as his dark ones clashed with the half-valkyr’s.
He was taken aback when Jae went forward, being in such close proximity with him, one finger brushing against his cheek, just above his slight scar that he received a long time ago. It was a spot the dhampir always had a soft recurrence to, Han remembered teasing Jae by saying it’s him trying to close up and heal that scar so Han wouldn’t remember being hurt when he has Jae around now. What a beautiful sentiment. He swore he was so close to melting in his touch, the scorching heat that traveled in his touch was already thinking on bending the celestial to his will. The words that came after was the final straw for him to keep the walls up. He couldn’t do this anymore. He’s not strong enough. The dark-haired celestial grabbed a hold of that hand, brushing his lips softly against it. He could smell the hand cream Jae wore, which brought the same sense of nostalgia to bury him right there. “I am… it hurts. I want it to stop...” his lips trembled as Han tried his best to keep the tears from spilling but from how it’s brimming at the corners, there was no saving it. Of course, he’d say that. It caused a grin to crept up, a semi one but it meant just the same. “I want to be your Gemini… not just in June, but from January to December, 356 days of every year.”
When he noticed how Jae’s gaze lingered on the wrist that he was supposed to wear his bracelet on, his breath hitched again and released his hold on his hand. But not before allowing his free hand to unclasp his bracelet, he’s never taken it off voluntarily. Not one. Without saying a word, he positioned the bracelet on Jae’s wrist and clipped it on. “You’re right… some things are too important. You’re important.” Never did he think he would ever take off the same silver chain he’s had on for 90 years. So Jae wanted to kiss him. That was all the assurance he needed. “Then it shouldn’t have to be. I love you, Jae. Forever and always, that will never change. I don’t want this to be the last time for Hansung, we’re-” his own voice got clogged up due to the sniffles he elicited. “We’re stronger than this, I know we are. I didn’t find you just so I could lose you like this. You’re not like anyone else, you’re someone and something I don’t want to let go of.” You’re mine, he mumbled silently internally. Why are you not saying it out loud, Han? “Lying to you was the biggest mistake I ever did. It was never my intention to do such a horrid deed to you, but it was done and I couldn’t find my way to come back to it. I thought it would be fine but no, it wasn’t. I should’ve trusted you more, I should’ve never discredit your efforts.”
Seeing the tear roll down his cheek, Han brought his forefinger to stop it, brushing it away softly and shook his head. “Don’t cry, so long as these tears are not tears of happiness, I can’t see it” the way his voice sounded so hollow and pained, it was indescribable to describe his current state. He could suffer alone, or at least, he tells himself he could, but he could not see Jae cry. The moment he felt his arms wrapping itself around his own build, he was so close to melting against the touch but it was what Jae said that made that true; the one where Jae said without him, he felt weak. That was when his knees buckled and he almost fell down had it not been for the dhampir’s hold behind him. The back hug, that was their thing, it was Jae’s signature move to show how much he loves him, the same way Han would do with his hand kisses. A strangled sob escaped his throat as he began crying, hands still holding on to the other male’s that encased him in the embrace. “I can’t do this without you, Jae… I can’t, I’m not strong enough without you.” It almost sounded like a mantra had no one saw the difficulty of how he’s saying it. “I miss you… You’ve always been mine from the very beginning” he said it.
“I fell for you the first time I laid my eyes on you…” turning around to face the male, he placed both his hands on Jae’s face, cradling it as if it was porcelain. “You were my first best friend, my first companion, my first kiss” his thumb brushed over his lips softly, much like what he would always do when he’s appreciating the dhampir’s plump lips. “My first love… and my last. Let me fix this, Jae. I ask you for one more chance so I can fix this… please. I can’t live knowing I single-handedly let go of the most important thing in my life.” This time, there was no averting his gaze no more. It was fixated on him and him only, the pillows of his eyes slowly showing its swollen state. “Baby, please.”
Jae was sure there was one question going through their minds as they talked, he was looking at Hanseol, his eyes searching deep into the other male’s gaze in an attempt to understand and reach him. Neither of them wanted to be in the pain they were in right now and they both knew what would make it feel better. The problem was that there were hurdles they needed to jump in order to get there, big and quite complicated ones. They couldn’t keep building their relationship on half measures because it kept ending up getting them both hurt, Han burying his worries and concerns, it couldn’t be easy. Especially his fears of the dhampir leaving him because Jae found out he wasn’t perfect and that the things he went through left him with some resentment and anger. In fact, it was quite the opposite, Jae had been looking for the truth on that for a while, he couldn’t understand how Han could be so calm when faced with the topic of the people who stole years of his life from him. The honest truth is he wasn’t calm, he was just good at hiding it.
He saw the way Han clenched and unclenched his fists a few times, a telltale sign that Jae had come to recognize as frustration in the celestial, though it was unclear to him what was causing it, was it Jae’s presence? Something Han was remembering? Being so close to one another and not being together? Jae couldn’t pinpoint it. As Han looked over at the motorcycle he watched the other male, he didn’t seem opposed to the idea like he might have expected, a lot of people liked to remind Jae how dangerous they could be and he had been told more times than he could count to be ‘be careful’ “It does the job, plus I think I kinda look badass with it” he admitted with a slight chuckle, his presence alone had been enough to set those thugs last night on edge after all, though he did need to show action to get the last guy to back down.
Jae nodded a little as Han confirmed he didn’t remember anything from last night, Jae didn’t think he would have considering how far gone the celestial had been. It was a wonder they had been able to make semi-decent conversation and that the star hadn’t puked everywhere “Yeah I’d probably stay away from the whiskey for a while” he wrinkled his nose as he remembered the smell of it on the celestial, overpowering the musky earth-like scent he had come to familiarize with the fallen star “You got home safe and well, no one got hurt, that’s all that matters” he assured him, Jae was hardly the guy to lecture about things people did while drunk. It was Han who had to bail him out of jail after he got in a bar fight just a few months ago, after all, drinking brought out the worst in people, often. The other question, that was harder to answer, especially when the star followed it up with the exact truth. The moment Jae sensed the slightest bit of danger, he had come running for Hanseol “You were in danger Han, if it was reversed you would have come running for me too, we both know that” Han probably wouldn’t have even needed the danger, just hearing Jae’s voice probably would have been enough. Because they loved each other. But Jae wasn’t quite ready to spill that truth just yet, still had a little pride left in him.
“I fell so hard I think I may have gotten a concussion” he responded with a soft laugh, it was poetic true but Jae also wondered if his love for Hanseol had somewhat been based on a person who the star wanted him to see than the person he really was. Jae didn’t want to feel like he was only getting half the story. He wet his bottom lip before going to speak “Do you think the person I fell in love with is the real you?” that was a deep question he knew, but Jae had to know how Hanseol saw it, they would only ever figure this out if they could love every part of one another “I wanted to love you in spite of your flaws Han but you showed me so few of them, sometimes it was hard to believe you were real” he admitted and sighed gently, whereas Jae had showcased his worst side in full that night after the bar fight and Han had still stuck by him, he’d wanted to return that favor but instead he got very little.
The way Hanseol talked about wanting to be Jae’s someone, in present, not in past though, that did give the dhampir the confidence he needed to move forward and to put himself on the line a little. The idea of doing so really scared him, because the last three weeks had been absolute hell for him and the very idea that he might have to suffer the brunt of that pain all over again if this didn’t work out, petrified him. Still, Jae also knew if he didn’t give Han the chance to explain this and for the two of them to fix this, he might regret it for the rest of his existence and he didn’t want to have regret. He lifted his gaze to meet the other’s eyes, now he knew where Han stood on this, he wanted to be more again, he wanted to fix this, they could start there right. He took a shaky breath “That’s what I want too” he admitted, but Han had to know it wasn’t as simple as just wanting that right?
Jae saw the surprise in Han’s eyes as Jae reached out to touch him, his thumb brushing over the top of his cheek where that tiny little scar resided and the dhampir gave a shaky breath, this was so hard for him but he hadn’t thought for a long time about the impact this must be having on Han too. Selfish perhaps, but he was wallowing in his own loss and sadness. Jae closed his eyes the moment he felt the star’s lips pressed against his hand, it was such a familiar and warm feeling, the way Han had always said ‘I love you’ silently to him, Jae did the same thing whenever he would hug the celestial from behind and rest his chin against his shoulder “I know it hurts” he spoke too, from experience, the dhampir felt the pain as rawly right now as he did the day they first parted. His heart fluttered again as Han told him he wanted to be with him yet again “I do” he whispered softly, barely above a whisper that you may miss it if you weren’t listening “I do still love you” he admitted as he dropped his trembling hand. There was no doubt in his mind that he did, it felt like a part of who he was.
Jae’s face showed complete shock as he watched the celestial unclip the chain on his wrist “What the hell are you--” he didn’t manage to finish the sentence before he felt the star’s hand reach for his hand and he wrapped the silver bracelet around it. Jae’s breath hitched, Han never took the bracelet off for any reason at all, it was like a part of him and yet he had given it to Jae. Part of him wanted to insist he take it back but the other knew what it symbolized, the star telling him that he was more important than anything. The way he assured that in words had the younger male a little stunned “But this was...all you had left of” he was completely lost for words so he just blushed and bowed his head a little “Thank you” he spoke softly and clutched his hand against the chain with his spare hand. And then Han started to talk and Jae felt like his whole body might collapse from the emotion and surprise that came over him. He reached out for the side to lean against as he took the words in, watching the celestial’s eyes as he spoke, he couldn’t help but smile when Han used the little mash name he’d made up for the two of them. His lips parted as he heard the words he had been dying to hear for so long and the tears welled in his eyes “I just wanted to be there for you the way you were for me, I want to be your equal and your partner, the person who makes you feel stronger” he admitted, switching from past to present tense mid-sentence because perhaps he could see a light on the other side of this now.
The moment his tear fell though, he felt Han’s finger lift to stop it and Jae choked it down as best he could, Han was right, if they both just became crying messes now they’d probably get too weighed down to finish the conversation and Jae really wanted to finish it and see where it led. He sniffed and nodded a little, swallowing it down as he listened to Han speak again. The way he wrapped his arms around him and held him like that, it was reflex but it also felt right, holding him tight like that and feeling his warmth. As he heard the sob come from Han the dhampir just squeezed him tighter, leaning into the hold as though it could take away all the pain he was feeling, though the dhampir couldn’t stop himself from crying too “Mhmm” he spoke in a broken voice “I miss you too, I miss everything we had” they needed to vent this out together and move past it, he knew that. He felt like a whole weight was off his shoulders but admitting it out loud, especially now he knew the star was saying all of this with a clear mind “I miss the one person who made me feel like I could do quite literally anything” Jae was leaning in against Hanseol’s side now, eyes closed and crying softly.
When Han turned around, he made no effort to hide himself from the star, instead, he leaned into his touch and met his gaze. It felt good, to be reminded of his significance and worth to Hanseol because for a while he feared like he wasn’t enough for him. Having Han remind him how much he meant to him, that was everything. Feeling Han brush his finger over Jae’s lips they parted naturally, his eyes dropping to Hanseol’s lips. Despite both their eyes being puffy and red from crying, Han still looked as gorgeous as Jae remembered, perhaps even more so because this side was so raw and beautiful. And then those final words came and Jae couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he leaned in, capturing the celestial’s lips with his, the dhampir’s hands wrapping around Hanseol for balance because he felt so weak in the knees the moment he kissed him. All he wanted was this, his star, he wanted that stupid beautiful pipe dream, us against the world.
He got lost in the kiss for a long while, putting every piece of pent up emotion into it until eventually, they parted. Jae reached up to wipe under Han’s eyes with his fingertip, moving slowly as he savored the feel of Han’s skin under it “No more crying, we’ve hurt enough okay?” he insisted as his hand dropped to thread through Han’s and he led the celestial towards the living room. Jae took a seat on the couch and pulled Han down with him, encouraging the other male to lean against his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his back “It’s past time we get everything out in the open” he spoke, he knew there would be topics neither of them liked but it had to be done if he ever felt like he could move past this “Let’s start with Yeon, tell me about him and how you met” he knew a little, but this was Han’s chance to tell him the full and complete truth with no judgment. Jae took a shaky breath and prepared himself for the roller coaster of emotions he was sure were to come.
No matter how many times Hanseol tried to avert his gaze away from Jae, he could never find it in himself to hold it away for more than one minute. He wanted to gaze on him for as long as he should, he would argue that he had that right but did he really possess that right anymore? The moment he snapped at Jae in that alley 3 weeks ago, was the moment Han was sure he lost the right to say a word regarding the dhampir's life. He knew if he stared into Jae's beautiful mocha hues, he could never look away. He wasn't strong enough to do that. He's weak for the half-valkyr. He knew that much. Yet that was exactly what he did. He looked deep into Jae's orbs and found himself lost in it once again. He knew at that moment, he has lost the battle in himself. He would give himself up just to win Jae back no matter how tarnished his pride or ego it might result. There wasn't anything he wouldn't give up for his lover, after all. There was no way he could win this fight, he's already lost it the moment he laid his eyes on the male before him.
All he ever wanted now is to get back together. Hanseol only clenched his fist tighter at every passing second, feeling frustrated with himself because all he wanted to do is wrap his arms tightly around Jae and forget all the arguments ever happened. However, he knew it wasn't supposed to be that easy. The road to recovery and establishing the dent in their relationship can only be unlocked when he unveiled the truth to Jae. That's exactly what he'll plans to do. Whatever it is that Jae wanted to know, he will say it. The way his nails drugged into his skin was surely leaving marks behind for the celestial who kept tightening his grip around his own. As if that wasn't enough, Han even began to nibble his bottom lip unconsciously as he continue to stare at the other male. How can he turn away from this? His head was whirring with so many possibilities on how this would turn out. He hated when he couldn't decide anything. The celestial never had a problem encountering things that needed a solution but he's stumped right now. How is it that he was able to solve things most people couldn't fathom yet he's lying at the peak of a mountain when it comes to himself?
A part of him was thankful when Jae spoke because it gave him something to divert his attention to, specifically his words. Had it been up to him, he probably would've draw blood from the pressure he's pushing on his canines just above his chapped bottom lip. “You do, I admit you kinda look slightly above the bar with that leather jacket on you. The hair suits the look too” now is probably the worst time for him to be giving out compliments but how could he not when Jae was attempting a casual or at least, a decent conversation, with him. It wasn't as if he could turn him away with ease. Hanseol didn't want him to leave and he knew secretly that the dhampir also knew that, hence the reason why he's still sticking around. Dammit, you could've witnessed that historic moment of Jae in all of his glory riding the motorcycle but no, you're an idiotic drunk who ended up falling asleep on his back, he scolded himself. Well, there is no point in dwelling anyway, the past in the past.
Scrunching up his nose in response to the dhampir's remark regarding the alcoholic beverage he drank last night, a shiver shoots down, causing him to shudder involuntarily. “Yeah… that was a very bad call for me to make. Should probably stay away from any alcohol in the near future. I can't imagine wanting to wake up in the morning like this, or, afternoon... “ he spotted the clock hung against the wall just across him, the arrows pointing straight to nearing 12 already. Thank god he didn't have work today, not that Han actually attends them. He's been giving out reasons to justify his leave which is probably beginning to sound a little bit boring to others, especially Yeon who would chide him every time he got the chance, yes, even thru phone. “Are you sure no one got hurt? From the looks of it, it probably affected your mental state more than it affected my physical one. You drove all the way out to save me in my distress, Jae. Even when you didn't have to… I feel guilty. I wasn't in actual danger, right? Just in the midst of some D class thugs who thought they can mug me and leave me to rot somewhere.” Okay, perhaps he did underestimate a few things. It's always there A or B with this guy. Too paranoid or too emotionless.
“But I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm thankful you came to be my hero of the day, just like you always were, and I'm glad you stayed.” Jaesung Moon had always been his hero, in so many ways. He wondered if the latter knew that. Upon hearing the question regarding if the person he fell for was the real him, Hanseol could feel his breath hitch as it got caught up halfway in his throat. Oh, how was he supposed to be fine when Jae asked him these questions? “Of course, you did” there was no stopping him from taking a hold of his hands now. “You fell for that naive and stupid oblivious celestial who thought it was normal to draw in the dark just because his eyesight is a 20. You fell for that guy who wouldn't hurt a damn fly because he's afraid he'll get bad karma for it” bringing his hands up to hold both of his, Han smiled sadly. There was a hint of nostalgia lacing those lips–the smile that held so many hidden messages behind it. “You fell for that person who would never leave another behind when they needed him” the irony in this hurts him, but he accepted it. The bravest thing a person could do is accept and own up to their mistakes. To muster up the strength to they could use it to redeem themselves instead.
“I may be a bit different now… more temperamental and stressed maybe, but I'm still me. I'm still the person you fell so hard for. I'm still that guy who didn't know what love is until you showed it to me.” Rubbing his fingers against his hands, the dark-haired celestial let out a heaved sigh and droop his eyes momentarily as if he was plagued by shame. “I'm sorry that I hid myself from you. That should've never happened. You were supposed to be my partner. It was supposed to be us against the world and I didn't respect that. I didn't honor that.” It's surprising to see how well he actually filtered out all the countless apologies piling up from within him now to only a few more sentences. The actual ones would've taken a few days. “I will do anything… and I mean anything to win you back. To redeem myself to you. I hope you will give me that chance. I don't think I'll ever be ready to let go of you” after all, Jae is his first and last love. The fallen star had nothing intentions on using that context on anyone else that wasn't him. Not today, not anywhere in the future, and certainly, not ever.
When Jae closed his eyes, he could identify every single detail on the dhampir, he would reiterate the words that was already ingrained inside his head, much like that he would often do when he's describing his painting. His muse was him, so it wasn't surprising to see how well the celestial was able to use his words occasionally. He noticed everything, from the way his lips would curl up into a boxy smile that makes him look more genuine because of how the smile reaches up to his eyes, the beautiful, long and intricate lashes, up to how symmetrically his face structure was. He was perfect. Perfect for him, he knew it from the beginning; Jaesung Moon was his. He could never trade him for anyone or anything in the world. And now that he's taken off the very thing that held the most significance to him in all of his 90 years of living, it was only confirmed further that he actually is willing to give up everything to be with Jae. Hearing that he indeed, still loves him, made his heart lurch in elation. He's probably the happiest man alive at this moment. This simple revelation was enough to make up for everything else. He still loves me, he said.
“You are all that I have left, Jae. I've carried that chain with me since I fell. It was a gift from the most important person in my life. The first person who ever took a chance on me and showed me affection. It held too many significance to me, who's known no gestures such as that afterward and before, and now it's on you. Because you're my everything.” Han is never all talk but no bark. If he feels that he needs to make his point across, he will. The confidence boost is also thanks to Yeon, who's been pushing him alongside Jae, for months long. As he noticed the faint blush resting on the dhampir's cheeks, his grin spreads across his own and found himself brushing his thumb on that very same spot the blush was spotted at. “I've always loved it when you blushed… it compliments your skin.” And Jae did, in so many ways, made him stronger. His state for the past few weeks alone had proven just how significant the dhampir was to his life. “You've always made me stronger, Jae. The nights you came to drag me back home because I decided to take a few extra hours to finish my work, where you would end up making me hot chocolate and whisper sweet nothings in my ear as you hum me to sleep, holding on to me just because I requested you to do so, that meant the world to me. Nobody else would've done that to me and still have the same effect as you did, Jae. It's because it's you.” Even the simplest acts would've made it out to be the most significant one in his life if it came from the half-valkyr.
Holding the man he loves, it really does sends off a different feeling. Now that he's had him encased in his grip, he no longer wanted to let go. Those tears, it symbolizes the pain Jae went through and he hated that he had to witness it, or the fact that the dhampir had to go through it at all. Instead of wiping the tears away using his thumbs, the celestial leaned in to kiss them away, surprising even himself with such a bold gesture. Perhaps, this was due to his much he's missed and craved the other male's touch. “Give me a chance and I promise I won't let you down” he cooed, rubbing both his sides soothingly. He wished for this hug to last forever. No, he wanted it to last forever. It felt so warm, and the star has known nothing but cold ever since they fought. When Jae parted his lips while Han was busy tracing over them, it was hard not to stare at them, every single voices in his head just telling him to capture those lips and tell Jae how much he's missed all of that. He didn't get the chance to fight with whatever reasonings behind the voices that kept urging him to do so because he almost staggered on his steps due to the sudden action delivered by the man in front of him. He kissed him.
It took him a few seconds to calculate what's going on and by the time he did, he was already fluttering his eyes shut and pulling the dhampir closer. God, how he's missed this. The feeling of his lips on his own, molding perfectly like it shouldn't be anywhere else. The passion and pent up frustration mixed within in made him mewl out in return. He hadn't expected Jae to initiate it first but he was so happy that he did. This meant everything to him. When they parted away after a long while, he grinned gleefully as he nodded. Jae's right, they've hurt enough. As soon as he felt the cushion cover beneath them, the celestial wasted no time to lean against the dhampir, wrapping his hands on Jae's, just tracing and playing with his hands the same way he always does. How to spill about Yeon? “As you know about the Volakiri bond, well, we both know just as much as anyone would know. It's a bond between a celestial and a valkyr. A protection. I first met him when Phe called me to the castle, saying that she had something to discuss with me and I went. When I got there, she told me about the arrangements she had with the Valkyrie, the valkyr's leader and ambassador. I was against it at first because the thought of sharing a mind with someone else and even go as far as to share my blood with a stranger I don't even know, scares me. But then I remember my circumstance, my current living arrangements. This, all of this, what we have, they could go away in a split second if I were to be forced to run away again. I don't want that happen because I've already found a life with you. After getting to know about Yeon a bit from our first encounter, I found out he's actually a kind guy with wicked sense of humor” Crude, sure. But still, funny.
“So, I accepted the deal. At least I'll be paired up with someone I know I want to. I like him. He's a good friend, and he's served as my advisor as well as best friend ever since. I hope the two of you can get along... My two favorite people getting along, that would be a dream come true” The way he surmised about Yeon, with his soft mellow tone, he really does want Jae to accept the valkyr. “By the way, I’m surprised I haven't puked my guts out yet-” Bad timing and a little too soon, Han. As soon as he said that, he coughed out awkwardly due to the bile that's slowly rising up to his trachea. Yep, toilet time. The fallen star broke the grip he had on Jae before rushing towards the bathroom at the same ground floor, pushing the doors open and emptying everything out as soon as he reaches the toilet bowl. With his hands resting on both sides, he groaned out in disgust before flushing it down and leaned against the wall with a frown creasing his features and a pout visible on his lips. “God... I feel terrible.”
He could tell that Han was nervous from the way he was acting the nibbling he was doing on his bottom lip, so much so that Jae wanted to scold him for it because he had this habit of always making it bleed without realizing and the smell of his blood always drove Jae nuts. He kept quiet though and just smiled a little as the other male complimented the way it looked “This is probably the closest to my natural hair color I’ve been in a long time, I’m enjoying the prospect of not having to touch it up so often” he chuckled running a hand through his tousled locks and smiled “And we kinda match” he added with an amused expression as he pointedly looked at Han’s hair. That same shade of dark brown that the dhampir was familiar with, at least some things hadn’t changed. He knew they were talking because they both were trying to find ways to keep the conversation going, neither wanting to leave or back away.
His eyes softened as he listened to Han talk about his worries about what happened last night, he felt for him, not being able to remember what you did the night before, it could be scary, especially the first few times and knowing that you were alone for a portion of it. With that in mind, he was really glad Han called him and Jae was able to bring him home before he hurt himself or someone tried to hurt him “Pretty sure I’ve thought that every time I’ve woken up with a hangover” Jae teased with a shake of his head, it was probably dumb but everyone was allowed to make mistakes sometimes and like he said. No one got hurt. Jae looked up at Han and shrugged “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be Han” he admitted with a soft nod “And honestly, I don’t think my mind could have been in much worse a state so” he eluded to the fact he hadn’t been coping all that well with the breakup “You could have been, you were glowing at the side of the highway Han, I don’t wanna tell you off for being reckless but” he pursed his lips “You could have been seriously hurt” he admitted with a half twitch of his expression.
But he hadn’t been, Jae reminded himself and shrugged it off, he had been there with him like he promised to be and the celestial had gotten home safe and sound, albeit not tucked neatly into bed but Jae had held him while he slept and that felt like enough. Jae was a little surprised at himself for asking the question he did, so much so that he just stared in disbelief he actually said that for a little while as he looked back at Han. The star looked equally as panicked but still made an attempt to answer it, which Jae found admirable. With every way that Han described himself a small laugh came from the dhampir because they were all so true and reminded him of some of his favorite things about Hanseol. How pure and sweet he could be and how he always put the wellbeing of others before his own. Jae glanced down at their hands which Han conjoined and he nodded a little. That was definitely the person he fell for “I missed him a lot” Jae admitted with a slight grimace “He always stood out to me, made me want to be a better person in turn” he admitted with a nod.
“But I also saw someone who put so much stress on himself to be perfect when he didn’t need to be” he spoke softly, his eyes still looked down at their hands, his thumbs playing with Han’s fingers which he moved over their skin. He tilted his head up to meet Han’s “I want you to know I’m not afraid of the darker sides of you either, I fell for him too” he admitted with a slight smile “I knew about the sleeping pills, I wanted you to tell me of your own free will” Han couldn’t possibly know what they talked about last night so Jae was bringing it all up piece by piece. Han’s apology made Jae nod a little, it meant a lot to hear that, especially now the star was sober and therefore Jae could be sure he meant it. Jae squeezed his hands a little “I don’t think less of you for struggling to cope Han, I saw what those nightmares did to you and I know there’s more issues in there about what happened than you want to say” he took a shaky breath “I want you to be able to feel like you can lean on me, I’d never think less of you for it” he meant that sincerely, he would never think any less of Han for having hard days or days where he just wanted to scream and cry. Didn’t they all have those?
It was hard for Hanseol to be any less than perfect, he recognized that now, the way the celestial explained it as though he truly believed Jae would love him less because he showed any kind of flaw. It was a fear of losing people which no doubts stemmed from the fact that he had lost his parents and then been locked away for most of his life and so everyone and everything just kinda felt temporary. “I think you’ve tricked yourself into believing everything in your life won’t last” Jae observed with a soft expression “I just wish you had given me the chance to prove you wrong” he admitted as he looked back at him. Jae wasn’t kidding when he first started falling for the star and he told him that he jumped with both feet, he was all in for him which is why he had been hurting so much when he thought he’d made a big mistake. Seeing the bright look on Han’s face and the way he completely lit up with the emotion though, that told Jae everything he needed to know about how Han felt about him. They loved each other beyond reason.
Jae felt utterly speechless as they talked about the chain which was now wrapped around his wrist though, he knew it was given to Han by his parent and that it was all he really had left of them, it had been years now and both of them had passed. Han hadn’t gotten to say a proper goodbye, it was awful. So to be entrusted with it, that meant everything to him “and here was me thinking I’m the poetic writer of the two of us” he spoke softly as he looked up at Han for a moment, the blush evident on his cheeks. When the star commented on his complexion it made Jae want to hide his face over the embarrassment but he forced himself to keep looking back at him, a soft, appreciative smile on his face “You always did like catching me off guard” he admitted as his eyes followed the thumb that swept across his skin. Jae pursed his lips but closed them again as Han talked about the little things Jae had done for him “That was me trying to be the best partner I can be, I want to take care of you Han” he nodded softly, that was incredibly true, everything Jae did, it was to be there for Han in every way he could “Watching you shut the whole world out like you did, it hurt so badly” he admitted with a slight nod, he hoped this would help Han to understand just how much he cares about him.
Things felt easier when they were in one another’s arms, the complications and the anger, it felt like it faded away as he wrapped himself around Hanseol and closed his eyes feeling himself get lost in the warmth and the faint thrumming of Han’s heartbeat in his chest. Jae was almost caught off guard when Han leaned in to press soft kisses against his cheeks where the tears had rolled down but his eyes fluttered closed and he took a shaky breath as he heard Han ask him for another chance once again. He couldn’t find the words to say and so he had leaned in to kiss the celestial and get his feelings across that way. It was a long and passionate kiss which resulted in the two of them pressing up close to each other like they were trying to grab onto all the intimacy they had been missing and craving for past few weeks. There was no regret in Jae’s mind, he wanted to kiss his star so badly and the feeling of Han’s soft lips between his was both familiar and new, almost like they were kissing for the first time all over again. The whimper that came from Han made Jae’s hand shake a little as they parted and his dark eyes searched for the celestials.
What he saw was that beautiful smile he had missed so much, one that reached the eyes and looked as stunning as Jae remembered, so much so that he felt like the wind had been completely knocked out of him for a few moments. With Han nestled into his side, Jae got ready to go through the hard part. They had to talk about this stuff and figure out where they stood with it all and then after they would be able to move forward with a clear conscience, or at least, that’s what Jae hoped for. Hearing about Yeon wasn’t easy for him but he needed to hear the truth about it all so his mind could stop imagining things and he could make peace with it. It was hard for him because the blond valkyr was very attractive and had said some pretty choice things which made Jae feel like he had a thing for Hanseol. “Did uh…” Jae pursed his lips for a moment “Did he bite you?” he hated to be that guy but he had to know how it happened so he could stop picturing it in his mind. After a moment Jae sighed softly “I want to like him for your sake but I don’t think it would be as easy as that” he nodded a little, maybe that made him jealous or weak but it was the truth “but I can learn to handle you having” Jae’s lip trembled a little “Another protector” it was hard for him but he hoped Han would see that he was trying here, trying to be reasonable despite how he felt about it.
He was about to say he would be open to meeting with Yeon and getting to know him in a more friendly setting but before he could say anything Han got to his feet and dashed for the bathroom. Jae sighed softly but got to his feet and followed Han into the bathroom, he said he wanted to be with the star in his worst after all, well here was the proof. He reached out for the star’s back and rubbed it gently as he waited for him to finish “You’ll probably feel better for it” he spoke soothingly as he drew circles against his shirt and then reached for Han’s toothbrush and squeeze some toothpaste on it and held it out for the star to take “You know I can wait until you feel better, there’s no rush” he spoke softly as he headed back towards the living room and sat himself back on the sofa. Whenever Han told him he couldn’t sleep, Jae would sit on the couch and let Han lay with his head on his lap until he fell asleep which was what Jae was offering now “Let me keep my promise” he spoke softly as he watched the celestial.