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"Look, I don't want any trouble, okay? Just leave me be and I'll be out of your sight before long. I promise." That's what he had been telling those weirdly dressed and rugged men who had chased him all the way from the last stop to the docks at Reykjavik. He even promised them he would be out of their sight if they would give him the chance to do so but all he received were laughter that felt antagonizing. He remembered running. All he did was run and run until his legs finally couldn't take it anymore and give out halfway before reaching his destination. He remembered how hard the pavement was and how his knee was scrapped because of his fall. He remembered the shoutings and hoots from the group of men who would not stop chasing him even when he's done nothing to warrant the chase.
He didn't steal neither did he lie. Han was just trying to walk around and mind his day per usual. He didn't ask for any of that. And most importantly, he remembered how he kept asking the sky every single night, "What did I do wrong?" He didn't know why people kept chasing him and nobody gave him an answer. The memories felt so fresh in his head, like it wasn't that long ago since it happened when it has been over 87 years since it occurred. When he woke from his nightmare, he was already sweating and Hanseol wasn't even surprised. The Celestial haven't had a hard time sleeping due to Jae but ever since Sunmin appeared in his life, he couldn't get rid of this nagging feeling that was slowly eating his heart away. What if Sunmin was facing the same trouble he once faced? What if he was in trouble somewhere and he wasn't there to help?
From the looks of things the last time, he was confident that the other male was able to take care of himself but he still couldn't stop wondering how he was living his day. Did he sleep comfortably? Is it cold where he's at? Is he dressed warmly? Is he eating well? So many questions kept bombarding his head and it hasn't allowed Han to have any peaceful nights at all. In result of that, the brunette had been searching for Sunmin every chance he could. He even went back to that church he found him, but there were no signs of him. It was like he never went there, at all. Han went to every single place he thought Sunmin would be at but to no avail, his search was futile.
Today was one of those days again, where he would search for the other Celestial endlessly without realizing how much it was slowly taking a toll on his health and well-being. He was supposed to check out from his work 2 hours ago, he was supposed to go home to the embrace of his loving boyfriend, he was supposed to stop wasting his time on this search. There were plenty of things Hanseol was supposed to be doing yet here he was, still waiting in front of the church he first met Sunmin, coughing from the cold weather while only dressed in his work clothes that was nowhere near warm enough for the Celestial to be battling the cold. He even left his coat at his office. The clock struck 11 30 pm and he was still sitting on the bench that was slightly covered by snow, hoping that he would be able to catch a glimpse of Sunmin again. "Where are you, Sunmin…"
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If there was something he had learned in the past few months it was that relationships took work, they took a lot of work. It wasn’t a bad kind of work though, it just often required Jae to take a step back from what he was seeing and then reacting in a way that was understanding. There weren’t snap decisions when it came to him and Han, everything was about patience and communication. And he would be the first to admit it was hard, from their first breakup which they had been able to resolve now and found themselves stronger for it to ongoing talks about their future and what it looked like in the shadow of Jae’s overbearing and conservative parents. They still hadn’t managed to figure how they were going to face them yet but Jae felt stronger and more grounded in his relationship which was slowly giving him the confidence he needed.
But Jae really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do right now. Ever since he had come home that night and found an excited Han wanting him to meet someone he had brought home only to be greeted with an empty house, Han had been different. Before long Han had filled the confusing gaps in the Dhampir’s mind and explained how he had met someone who was supposedly his brother, or at least they shared the same Celestial mark which implied as such. Whoever this Sunmin guy was, Jae was mad at him because he hadn’t stuck around to see the impact his existence had on Han’s life, he had skipped out on the opportunity to know someone who had searched for him tirelessly ever since they met. And Jae had been here the whole time, trying to pick up the pieces of the somewhat shattered heart Han had been left with.
And what was most frustrating was that the only person who could truly fix that empty gap in Han’s chest was the person who left it there and while Jae could do absolutely everything he could to comfort the star, part of him knew it wouldn’t be enough. But he was still trying, which was exactly why Jae had spent the afternoon putting together a nice setup in the dining room, setting the table with their best silverware and a bunch of hydrangeas in the vase in the middle of the table. Perhaps it being one year since they met was a silly thing to want to celebrate but really he was just hoping he could take Han’s mind off his worries for one evening. He had bought some of those electric candles which looked like real candles but had zero percent chance of setting his sleeve on fire which he was sure would make the star laugh. He ordered in food from Han’s favorite takeaway knowing the star would freak out if he went anywhere near the kitchen alone.
But it was almost an hour after Han was supposed to be home and Jae was staring at the food which was slowly getting cold, wondering if he should just eat it alone or whether to keep saying just 5 more minutes for just a little while longer. He sighed softly, yes, he was disappointed because he was starting to feel a little like he couldn’t even get Han’s attention anymore. Jae didn’t even have to question where the star was as he dialed his number and waited for him to pick up the call. “Hey” he spoke softly down the phone, his brow furrowed in worry because it sounded from the line that Han was outside which was surprising considering it was practically freezing out “Are you coming home?” he asked directly because if Han said no then he was going to come to get him, these long hours of searching were starting to scare the Dhampir a little.
Thankfully, instead of leaving hIs phone on his desk in the office back at the clinic that was probably miles off now, Han had the decency to actually bring it with him in case of emergency. What kind of emergency did he think was going to happen? No idea. But his phone was practically living with only two bars. Slowly going to one soon. His face looked a bit thinner than usual, his puffy cheeks were no longer visible, what's left to see were those hollow ones. His doe eyes that once expressed such happiness and enthusiasm showed nothing more than the sadness he felt inside. His heart felt like it was being ripped into pieces. He couldn't even look at his boyfriend properly without giving it out that he wasn't feeling the mood or if he was really just sad. He had a feeling that Jae would've noticed the changes in his behavior sooner rather than later but right now he couldn't be bothered to care if there were questions. Not now. He's just dead tired.
So when he felt the vibration and ringtone coming from his phone that was placed snugly against his left pocket, Han was surprised by the sensation so much he actually jolted awake after almost dozing off while covering his face with his hands. He was still waiting at the bench. When he heard Jae's soft and concerned voice, his ears perked up almost immediately but his body was still moving sluggishly as he attempts to answer, "Hey…" Was he going home? Technically, he was supposed to check out two hours ago, after all. He finished his work an hour early. "Maybe not tonight, Jae… I'm not feeling it." That is the problem with the Celestial. He hasn't been feeling things for a while now. Unfortunately, he couldn't mask over the coughing from the cold and his inappropriate dressing that wasn't fit for the current weather. "I don't think I can make it tonight. I have something to do… just go to sleep, okay baby? Don't wait up for me."
To say Jae was a little worried about Han was an understatement, since he had met Sunmin he had been unable to focus on anything, he went to work and he spent the rest of his time searching the city, the problem was they were searching for someone who was essentially a ghost, no identity. It was basically like trying to find a needle in a haystack and yet Han was giving it everything he had anyway. But it was taking a toll on him, the star seemed to be worried sick, to the point where he wasn’t eating properly, barely slept which meant Jae spent the night alone in an empty bed most of the time and he just generally seemed distracted and desperate. Jae felt for him, he really did and he didn’t know what he could ever do to help because finding Sunmin almost felt impossible.
The moment the call connected the first thing he noticed was the sound of the wind in the background which almost made him shiver because he knew how cold it was out there in the city this time of year. Han’s voice seemed weak and somewhat without emotion, Jae was used to that dismissive and almost defeated tone by now. For the first few weeks, Han had been full of energy in this search but now it was chipping away at him. His heart felt like it sank in his chest when Han used that line again ‘not feeling it’ and he had to suck in a shaky breath and press his lips together to stop himself bursting into tears and allowing himself to get consumed by the thought of whether he was enough “Baby it’s freezing out there tonight, at least tell me you’re wrapped up warm?” he was grasping at straws at this point but Jae had already got to his feet because he knew Han and he knew he wouldn’t come home.
After a moment he decided to tackle the subject more directly, maybe Han wouldn’t keep putting him off if he felt like Jae was a part of the search “Did you find any more leads?” he asked in a gentle voice, hoping that maybe the star would give him an indication of where he was so that he could head out and find him. Clearly the sitting around and waiting for Han to realize what he was missing wasn’t working and Jae didn’t intend on giving up on him. His voice was shaky and emotional but he did his best to swallow it down because he kept reminding himself this wasn’t about him, it was about Han going through a hard time and that he needed to Dhampir to be there for him “Tell me where you are, at least I can keep you company while you search” he was pretty much pleading at this point.
He had a few worries in his head, he knew that Jae would most likely be very worried about his whereabouts and whatnot. Especially when the Celestial had been searching for his possible twin brother for a while now without caring about his own health. How can he? He hasn't even been eating well, to begin with. All he could remember is how Sunmin could be landing himself in trouble somewhere and he's not there to help. Did he feel responsible to care for the other male? Yes. And he told himself he had every right to be. Han understood the predicament he's in, he felt like he was slowly distancing himself away from his own boyfriend; the person who knew him the best. And for what? For him to make himself feel slightly better by saying there's hope that he'd find Sunmin? Someone who is basically like a ghost around here? He had no legal identity so it made him harder to be tracked down.
By the time he received the call from Jae, the Celestial was already wavering slightly, his breathing was even more jagged and uneven as he leaned himself against the bench. It was very cold, but Han couldn't bring himself to leave. Even when Sunmin wasn't there for every day of 15 whole days he's been back and forth, he still couldn't bring himself to leave. Not like this, he said. He needed to find something, at least a clue or hint where the other male could be at. When asked if he's dressed properly to equip himself with the cold weather, Han bit down on his lip as he tried not to give away the lie, is he lying to his boyfriend now? Even when he promised not to? "I… I forgot my coat at the office." No, he couldn't. It's bad enough that he was heartbroken after encountering a dead end with every corner he took to search for the younger Celestial but to lie to his significant other? Hanseol couldn't cross that line he knew he would never be able to get back to.
"I'm sorry…" he murmured faintly, he was sure even with the background sounding a bit erratic, Jae could still hear his barely audible words. He shook his head when Jae asked if he's found any leads, "No, I haven't… it's the same dead end on any other day." He could feel like there was a huge lump in his throat when Jae asked him where he was, he didn't want to burden the dhampir with his worries and for him to join him in such weather, who knows what will happen? "You remember the church we went to? Yeah. I'm in front of it... " He cleared his throat and tried to regain his voice after coughing for the past 20 mins, "But Jae, you don't need to come. Don't you have classes tomorrow?"
If anything, Jae was just relieved that Han answered the call because lately, he had this habit of leaving his phone behind which meant Jae had no way of contacting him. He knew that Han was a grown adult and probably wanted space to process all his thoughts about a brother he never even knew existed showing up and then disappearing from his life but that didn’t stop Jae worrying over him, thinking about what might happen if a hunter showed up. “Baby you can’t be out in this weather without a coat” he felt his heartbeat quicken a little with worry because the picture of Han cold and shivering on some bench somewhere was now plastered in his mind.
“You’re more important than class” he spoke and before Han could argue with him he put down the phone, made sure Yeontan and Byul knew he was heading out and heading out into the winter night, locking the door behind him. He climbed into Han’s car and started the engine, thankfully despite getting little use the car always tended to run okay and he drove off in the direction of the church. When he eventually arrived he pulled up alongside Han who looked incredibly lost as he sat there in the cold. His heart sank in his chest.
Killing the engine he opened the door and headed out before closing it behind him and sitting alongside the Celestial who barely even seemed to register he was there, he took the coat he brought and tucked it around Han’s shoulders, Jae reached for his hands which were ice cold and wrapped his hands around them, holding them firmly “Baby you can’t keep doing this to yourself” he spoke it so softly as he stroked very softly against his skin. You could see the darkened circles under his eyes where he hadn’t been sleeping properly and the way he was looking leaner than usual. After a moment he took the thermos out of his pocket and offered it to him, wanting to warm him up just a little.
He still couldn’t comprehend how things had been going for him for the past two weeks. Sunmin’s disappearance. His own health deteriorating at a much more rapid rate recently, having coughing since yesterday, solely from the cold alone. To be honest, Hanseol had no idea where to start when it comes down to searching. He’s scoured every single spot he had thought of; the church being the first place the Celestial rushed to the next day as soon as he started his search. That was two weeks ago, over 15 days ago. Yet here he was, standing by, mulling over his failures while sitting on the bench, covered with nothing more than his work dress shirt and slacks. Even his hair was tousled messily, the eyebags outlining his usually puffy but bright eyes also made it clear that whatever he’s doing, he hasn’t been taking a good amount of sleep. He could sense the slight tinge of disappointment accentuating Jae’s tone, he may not show it nor would he admit it out loud to the star but Han was aware of it.
He’s aware of what he’s doing. But he’s not going to be able to stop as easy as he may make it out to be, not until he’s found Sunmin, or at least get the gist of where the other male may be at. “I’m sorry… I forgot. It wasn’t on purpose. I just wanted to go and check the church before going back home…” Obviously, that wasn’t an option either now. The brunette was so overwhelmed by the sense of disappointment that he couldn’t bring himself to go back after having no progress still. He started this search, so why couldn’t he finish it? He wasn’t that bad at collecting information and making use of them but Sunmin was a literal ghost. Han swore his heart hammered when Jae said he was so much more important than class, he was touched, he truly was.
“If that’s true, then I wouldn’t have gone to work and you wouldn’t have attended classes” It was a half-assed dry attempt to muster up a joke but with his slightly hoarse voice and the windy background, it didn’t sound as convincing. The moment he heard a few barks in the background and the sound of the door being closed was when Han knew Jae was coming to get him, whether the Celestial likes it or not. Surprisingly, he didn’t bother to spare the attempt to tell him to stay home since the dhampir is very hard-headed. Determined once he set his goals. One of the many things he likes about Jae, it actually made him lean against the cold bench while shuffling his pockets to keep himself warm. He really should’ve brought his coat along.
Han was so focused staring out in the blank space that he wasn’t aware of Jae’s arrival until he felt a familiar material wrapped around him which caused him to look up to the male’s silhouette. His hands felt icy cold compared to Jae’s warm ones and he relished in the part where the other male took his hands into his own. Such a warm and intimate gesture. “I have to find him, Jae… it’s been two weeks.” He sounded so broken and disappointed that he didn’t even try to hide it anymore. Han accepted the thermos hesitantly and blinked softly, “What am I going to do, Jae? I can’t find him no matter how hard I tried…” One hand was holding the thermos while the other still held onto the dhampir’s hand as his life depended on it. “Tell me what I need to do to find him…”
Jae had to keep reminding himself that this wasn’t about him, that he hadn’t done something wrong to make Han pull away and it was just the star’s state of mind. It was hard for him because the Dhampir was so driven by the relationships in his life and so the moment one of them felt off his reaction was usually to panic. But him and Han were strong, the past few months had shown that to him clearly which is why he was doing his very best to hold it together and not fall apart in the face of distance “We do the things we do in life so that we can provide and care for those who are most important to us” he spoke softly before he ended the call, Jae always put people first, Han should know that by now.
Perhaps he was rushing a little as he made his way across the city but he was worried, every day it seemed to be getting worse the longer it had been since Sunmin had disappeared, it was almost as if the guy didn’t exist and Jae would even argue he didn’t if it wasn’t for the fact that Han was able to draw such a realistic painting. Besides, he was certain Han wouldn’t allow himself to be torn up over something that wasn’t real. He didn’t try and make the Celestial get in the car or push him to drop his crusade though, he just got out of the car, wrapped him up in the coat and then sat beside him, holding his hands firmly as a grounding. He leaned in closely, nudging his shoulder against Han’s gently just to remind him he was there for him.
Jae felt himself tearing up a little when Han expressed his need to find the other Celestial and he stroked his thumb gently against his skin “I know you said that he seemed to be warming up to you but” he took a deep breath because he knew this wasn’t what Han wanted to hear but he needed to understand where his head was at “Are you sure you’re not looking for someone who doesn’t want to be found?” he rubbed softly against the hand in his trying to warm it up a little, he heard the panic in Han’s voice and felt his heart wavering in his chest “Well you need to start by taking care of yourself” he spoke softly, his voice showing the worry in it “You’re going to get to the point where you can’t continue looking Han and I’ve been….as patient as I can be but I hate watching you hurting like this” he pressed his lips together.
“So let me help, let me….share some of the work” he took a deep breath “I asked Dae to help me with the search too, I can’t promise he’ll be able to find anything we haven’t but if anyone can get a clue I think it will be him” he shuffled a little on the spot a little nervously as he looked back at the star. “I don’t think we would have left Evermore, not from the way you said he came here in search of who he was, well you’re who he is” he spoke it gently “Maybe he’s scared Han, someone like that would know how to stay out of the way of anyone they didn’t want finding them” the way Jae dealt with all this was by rationalizing it.
Han had to admit, he didn't want Jae here. Not at all. He didn't want his boyfriend to witness him like this, when he is this broken up over someone who probably didn't care about him as much as he does, for someone who probably didn't even want to see him again after Han potentially scared and overwhelmed him. Not that he would be surprised by the outcome of things. He knew Sunmin wouldn't accept that whole-heartedly without any conflicts. He didn't say anything when Jae hung up on the call. He even placed the phone down on the bench, staring at the snow piling up from a distance. He was now left with no choice but to wait for his boyfriend to arrive because there was no way he could leave now. Not when Jae is going to fetch him like this. He couldn't help it, when Jae arrived, he was already wallowing in sadness.
Jae sitting near him while holding his hands, assuring him sweetly as he cared for him made the Celestial tear up. There were tears welling up and he couldn't stop them from falling as a few droplets fell on his slightly flushed cheeks, the cold had nothing on the Star right now, not when he was so upset. "He's real… he's real… I know he's real, Jae. I drew him… I remember him" he murmured, his tone sounded as broken as his heart, his eyes were glossy. Han remembered drawing every detail he could recall on the other Celestial. Like how he usually drew his portraits, the precision on Sunmin's portrait is as perfect as he drew Jae. Han quickly drew Jae in and leaned his head on the other male's shoulder, "But… he's my brother… why doesn't he want to be found? I… I just want to see him again."
Hanseol had been so family-oriented and domestic, so much there was nothing mistaken about him longing for one. And Sunmin is his brother, he was so sure of it. When Jae told him he's told Dae about Sunmin, his breath hitched slightly because he was trying to comprehend if that's a good move for the dhampir to pull without his knowledge, but all he could ask were questions, "What did he say?" He was just too tired to even get mad and he couldn't get upset at Jae. "I... Is it bad for me to want to find him? Should I stop searching? But I can't stop, Jae… not when I know he could be encountering problems out there and I can't help…" he was already tearing up as he tugged on Jae's sleeves tighter. "I know I have no right to take care of someone else when I can't even take care of myself but… he's my brother, Jae. I need to find him" However, with how he was coughing from the cold, it was clear that he wasn't dealing very well with it.
The Dhampir was doing his best to be as patient and understanding as he could be, he tried to imagine what it might be like to be in the star’s shoes but it was hard because Jae had always been blessed by constantly being around his siblings. But he could imagine his life would have been very different without them “I know he’s real baby, I know” he assured him, there was no way Han would have made this up, if it had been a joke he would have spoiled it a long time ago. He could see the tears threatening to well up in Han’s eyes which made Jae suck in a breath, it made him so mad that the kid couldn’t have stayed around long enough to give Han the answers he clearly needed. He rubbed softly against Han’s back for comfort “He probably never expected to find a brother on his search” he spoke softly as he leaned in close against him just to share some of his body warmth and remind Han he was here.
He felt sad for Han because they had talked before about his desire to one day have a family and now he had found out he had one and lost it all on the same day, he didn’t even know how the star managed to fathom that situation. All he remembered was how excited the star had looked that day before he realized that Sunmin, whoever he was, had run away. Hearing the way Han was shocked by his admission he quickly felt the need to explain himself “I was going to tell you about it right away but I figured it should be done in person and we haven’t exactly uh…” he pursed his lips “Had a lot of time to talk lately” meaning Han was either out searching, working or exhausted asleep lately. “He said it was going to be tough, the lack of footprint isn’t going to help because Sunmin probably never used the name Sunmin in his life before” he nodded slightly “But he did find something...a name” he nodded, probably a fake name he had used a few times but it was a small clue at least.
“Of course it isn’t Han, all you’ve ever wanted was a family and now there’s one out there somewhere, anyone could understand why you’re looking” he nodded assuring him that he understood his motivations, he hated that finding a family was the reason Han was on the verge of crying right now “I get it baby, you’ve always put other people’s well-being above your own, of course you’re worried” he squeezed a little tighter against his shoulder in an attempt to provide some comfort. “But on the same wavelength if you don’t look after yourself then you’re going to run yourself into the ground and then how will you help him?” he grimaced slightly when Han coughed again “Will you come sit with me in the car? We can sit in the back and I won’t make you go home, I promise, I just want you to be warm and safe” he was worried, god he was worried but he was doing his best to bury the panic and focus on helping Han right now.
Han never thought he would feel more lost than he's ever felt before. The last time he felt this lost and broken was when Jae broke up with him and the entire period of one month had been so dreadful. He couldn't handle it, he remembered always turning his gaze to the sleeping pills and alcohol as a way to help him cope which evidently only made it worse. The feeling was slightly similar yet so different. Maybe it was because, one is his lover, pretty much his entire life, while the other is his brother. Sunmin had to be his brother; he had to be someone. Or else, Han wouldn't feel as terrible as he is currently feeling. A part of him was glad that Jae was here to comfort him and console him throughout this painful journey of never ending search for the other Celestial, while another part of him didn't want the dhampir to see him being so weak and vulnerable. It wasn't that Han didn't wish to share his worries, it's just that he didn't want to look so weak. Not in front of Jae. Even if he said it was fine for him to be that way, the brunette still couldn't accept it without feeling pathetic.
When Jae assured him that he believes Sunmin is real, the Star clenched his fists tightly and looked down, "Sometimes I wish he wasn't…" And there was no way Hanseol really meant that. It was just the hurt and despair taking over. "Maybe I wouldn't have felt so… useless. If I didn't meet him that day, I wouldn't have been so attached and hooked… if I-" His breathing was cut short as the Celestial struggled to regain his breath, "If I didn't chase the one who stole my stupid painting… none of this would happen." He was hurt, it was understandable to see how devastating the blow was for Han, especially when he wouldn't stop searching from day one. "Even if he never expected to find a brother on his search, how can he… leave me like this? Without another word... Do I mean nothing?" When he caught Jae's eyes, his lips were quivering, and the Celestial wasn't sure if it was from the cold weather or from his crying.
Honestly, Han wasn't sure whether he should be offended that Jae didn't bother to talk to him about discussing such a thing, his feelings were pretty much bunched up together right now which was causing the fallen star to feel extra emotional. But when Jae explained it to him why he did what he did, he couldn't get mad at the dhampir for doing what he thought was best. Jae only wanted to help, he reminded himself. "I'm sorry for not spending more time with you… I've been… occupied, haven't I?" he murmured softly, his voice was barely audible because he couldn't stop himself from tearing up. Unfortunately, even the Niveis didn't find anything that would aid him in his search for Sunmin. It all felt so pointless, he's a ghost. Where else would he be at? Han has checked everywhere. "What name?" Anything is good enough for him, he just wanted to know more about the other male but didn't get the chance to do so.
It was clear that Jae was incredibly worried over his condition right now, admittedly Han's been coughing for a while now. His eyes darted towards the car and back to the bench, he felt hesitant but if he doesn't comply, Jae would be worried and he didn't"t want the dhampir to get sick so he eventually nodded in affirmation. "Okay…" he got up and still had Jae's hand in his grip as he beckoned for the dhampir to follow him while making his way to the car. "I'm sorry, Jae… for making you worry but you didn't have to come… you'll get sick."
Honestly, given that Jae knew the ways that Han tended to cope with his problems the Dhampir was worried about him, he was doing everything he could to assure the other male that he was here for him and he would comfort him and support him through this but Jae kept getting the feeling like the Han was pushing him away and that hurt. He wanted to be there for his partner and support him through this but perhaps Han didn’t want his help, he understood that the star had always dealt with his problems alone until now but Jae couldn’t stand seeing the way he self-sabotaged whenever he was down and that was exactly why he was pushing Han to let him help even though he could see the star putting up his walls.
He couldn’t directly relate his experience to what Han was going through but he was doing his best to put himself in his shoes and be empathetic to what he might be feeling, even though it made Jae incredibly angry that Han was so torn up over someone who clearly didn’t care about him but he didn’t want to let down Han’s hopes either, he hadn’t been there that day and he had no idea about the person other than what Han had told him. “Hey Han, it’s not your fault okay” he assured him as he stroked gently against his back, he hated how the star would blame himself for this when it was clear in his head that the other male had no intention of sticking around “I know how badly you want answers to this question but I’m scared it’s not going to be what you want to hear” even if they did find Sunmin, what if the guy just asked them to leave or didn’t even acknowledge them? He knew Han would fall apart.
Jae hadn’t been trying to upset Han by turning to Dae but he could now see why that might upset the star, he had just been a little desperate to one, have someone to talk to about everything that was happening and where that left his head and two, feel like he could actually do something to help. “A little” he spoke softly when Han asked him if he had been occupied “But who could blame you, this news it’s…” he pursed his lips “Life-altering for you” he had accepted that, that either in a good way or a bad way, Sunmin was going to have a permanent influence on Han’s life. Jae reached up to wipe softly against Han’s cheek as he looked into his eyes “I’m going to do everything I can to help you answer this question okay? I just need you to be ready for it, because when we find him and I promise you we won’t stop until we do, I need you to be ready for him to not meet your expectations” he pressed his lips together.
He had to admit he was relieved when Han said he would come with him to the car, he didn’t care if they had to stay up all night to talk this out, he just didn’t want Han catching the flu while doing so. He held onto Han’s hand tightly as he led the way to the car, opening the back door and shuffling inside along all of the seats before waiting for Han to sit beside him “Why do you think I’m here Han, worry goes both ways and you’re much more likely to get sick than I am” he stroked his cheek gently and tugged the star to lean up against his side “The name Dae found is Samuel Williams, he thinks Sunmin has been using it as a fake American name to get around” which was probably more than Han had managed to find by stalking the church “We can visit the places we knew the ID was used, who knows, maybe Sunmin will be there but at the very least they should recognize his picture” it wasn’t the best lead in the world but it was something and he was sure Han would be happy for that.
He stared into Han’s eyes for a moment and he felt his heart throb in his chest for him and without thinking about it he reached forward and wrapped his arms around the star tightly, just holding him there as though he could somehow protect him from everything that wanted to hurt him, whether that was inside or out “It’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna figure this out together okay?” he stroked softly against his hair as he held him letting him know it was okay to let it out and be vulnerable with him, that it was okay to be sad and frustrated.
This wasn't his first time falling down because he couldn't stop troubling himself with a certain matter, no. Unfortunately, it shouldn't be a surprise to see him acting off the rails like this. Jae had this coming, but he shouldn't have to expect it. As his partner, Han was supposed to share with him his troubles, he promised the dhampir he'd do that. That he'll be better after their breakup. Yet here he was, still wallowing in his own sorrow, refusing help from Jae when the dhampir tried to offer him help. He offered him a shoulder to cry on, a place to pour his heart to, but the Celestial would not do so. He knew he was making Jae upset and he hated that he's causing that. Again. It was one of the reasons why the tears wouldn't stop streaming down, he was blaming himself for acting this way, combined with the despair and devastation he felt for not being able to locate Sunmin.
He hurt himself, and inadvertently affected his boyfriend too. What was he doing? Han didn't want to hear those what ifs coming from Jae, but he was right; Jae was right. What if he was just setting himself up for nothing? What if he was setting himself up for a road that will only end up in failure? What happens then? What if his heart will be broken knowing his brother didn't want his presence in his life and would do far better without him? "But why does it feel like it is my fault?" he murmured faintly, still holding onto the dhampir like his life depended on it. "I just want answers… even if it'll hurt me, any of that would do me just fine. I can't keep on doing this day by day. I tell myself that I would eventually forget about this; that I will eventually forget about him, but no I won't." He knew better than to lie to himself. The Celestial knew he will never be able to forget about Sunmin, not after that day he met him. His heart clenched upon hearing the world life-altering. It changed everything for him and he hated that it does but somehow also wanted that change.
He was torn to believe which is which. Han sniffled softly and stared at Jae's own dark hues when the dhampir went over to wipe his tears away, "Why am I crying… I shouldn't be crying… it's ugly… " But he nodded in agreement to what Jae proposed, he'll accept whatever answer Sunmin may give him. If he doesn't want him in his life, then one way or another, Hanseol was going to have to find a way to cope with that. He couldn't exactly force himself into another's life just like that. Even if he could, he wouldn't. As soon as the door was opened, the fallen star quickly huddled inside and leaned his head against Jae's shoulder first thing, with his hands holding the dhampir's own. "You're so warm… " Perhaps, he was being extra clingy, but he really needed someone to lean on right now and Jae was the perfect person for it. Samuel Williams, it doesn't ring a bell to him but then again, it wasn't supposed to. It wasn't much but it was something. They can start there rather than going around blindly in circles.
He pushed his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small folded paper that he sketched Sunmin again. That's pretty much what he's been doing lately. Painting and sketching the same guy. "Okay… " When Jae reached out to embrace him, Han instinctively made himself smaller and leaned into his touch, closing his eyes while basking in the warmth the dhampir radiated, "Thank you… Jae. I didn't know what else to do… " He was in a dead end but he still won't give up. He brought one of Jae's hand up to his lips and pressed his lips against his knuckles softly, holding it securely without letting go; something Jae usually witnessed whenever the Celestial was about to sleep and occasionally other times, it was said gesture done by him to assure himself that everything will be fine. "What were you doing… before you called me?"