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DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on December 4, 2019 at 8:54

Jae sighed when Han wondered why things felt like his fault, he didn’t blame Han for thinking that way but he hated that was the way he felt “Because people have this bad habit of letting others down and then you sit and you wonder what you did wrong to cause that, why you aren’t good enough in their eyes until you eventually realize that you can’t be what everyone else wants you to be” he squeezed gently against Han’s hand in his, that was spoken from experience considering what Jae was going through with his parents so he understood why Han felt the way he felt and how could he lecture his boyfriend on it when he was guilty of it too. “I know, even if you tell yourself you can move past it, you never really can” he nodded slightly rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand absentmindedly, he knew this was different from his experience with his family but Jae understood not feeling good enough in the eyes of a family member well.

Jae had to laugh slightly when Han was chastising himself for crying, shaking his head slightly at him “I think you look when you cry with those red puffy cheeks” he protested but wiped the tears away regardless “But of course I prefer it when you’re smiling” Han could be full-on sobbing and he would still think he was the most attractive man on the whole planet though. “And it’s okay to feel sad about it Han, that’s normal” sometimes he felt like Han had this default need to be strong all the time but Jae was trying to remind him he was the person he didn’t have to be that around, that he could just show his real emotions with. Jae closed the door behind them in the car and as Han nestled up to his side he tucked an arm around him to hold him closer “You’re an ice block” he spoke softly and rubbed gently against his shoulder, at least the car was still warm from the drive over here.

Jae dropped his gaze as he saw Han pull out a painting of the other Celestial, just studying it for a moment, he’d seen paintings of Sunmin so many times already but every time she saw one he couldn’t help but notice the features Han had in common with the drawing “You have the same eyes” he spoke softly as he hugged the star close against his chest, just staying there a short while because he hoped it would help to warm the star up. Seeing the way Han lifted one of his hands to kiss it softly made Jae give a slightly sad smile, especially when it was followed up with a question he knew would be hard to answer “Oh I was making us dinner, or rather, I set the table for dinner but ordered takeaway cause you know me and the kitchen don’t get along” he gave a slightly sheepish grin brushing it off like it wasn’t important because, in the grand scheme of everything, he supposed it wasn’t.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, we can always heat up the food again and have it another time” he assured in a soft voice before lifting his gaze to look out the window “So this is the church where you first met him and no surprises he hasn’t come back since then” which probably meant he didn’t want Han to find him but they were going to keep trying anyway. “According to Dae’s message, a male who fits the description of Sunmin has used the name Samuel Williams a couple of times, one for a library card and another for a bar down down” he bit his lip slightly “There’s no guarantee it’s him but it seems like a better lead than waiting for him to come back to a place he doesn’t seem to want to return to?” which was him offering to take them to those places if Han wanted to go there “I can drive us there if you want, or we can stay here a little longer” he didn’t want to force Han to do anything he didn’t want to so he was leaving it all for him to decide.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on December 4, 2019 at 17:30

Jae always had the best answers whenever Han had plenty of questions to ask. Somehow, the dhampir would always be able to answer his questions without a question mark but it was also not a definite answer. Nothing about it was perfect but the fact that it was raw makes it even more believable in his eyes. To be imperfect is perfect, that's what Han always got in the end. He wasn't surprised that Jae was able to provide him with such an insight, the dhampir was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for. The Celestial made sure to always praise him on that. He's never felt this kind of pain before so he wondered how Jae sounded as if he was speaking from experience, until he was reminded that the dhampir encountered problems with his family too. How could he have forgotten that part? Things were surely getting to the Celestial's head, so much he forgot about a lot of things. The small gestures Jae did, like rubbing his thumbs against his knuckles or when he would try to assure the fallen star that nothing was permanent, meaning the pain will soon fade away but it won't be quick, it all made Han feel touched.

 He realized he had a strong pillar to lean to, he always forgot that. "I wish I could be good enough, you know?" His voice sounded torn, like he was doubting himself, something he was sure the dhampir was all too used to hearing. Hanseol can be quite insecure of himself, always worrying over things too much, one may mistook him to be a paranoid person but over time, he would deny it. When Jae wiped away his tears, Han chuckled in the midst of stopping himself from crying anymore, it feels childish to cry in front of Jae, "You always think I'm cute or something, Jae. Are you sure you're not biased?" he teased softly, well, at least he was slowly finding the light in the situation. He had a small smile etched on his lips when Jae said he preferred to see him smiling nonetheless. It wasn't much but it was an attempted effort. "I know it's normal to feel sad about something but I feel like I'm going off the rails too much. I haven't been eating properly… I didn't take care of my health." 

Seeing as he had listed them one by one meant the Celestial was aware of what he did wrong. He didn't even realize that he's been shivering the entire time until Jae pointed out that he was an ice block. The painting of Sunmin he held in his grasp made his heart clench, he wanted to meet him again. "We do…  don't we?" he grinned softly the moment Jae pointed out that they had the same eyes. He knew he left Jae alone at home but what he didn't expect was that the dhampir was putting up such an effort to greet him when he goes back only to find out that he was busy wandering off outside looking for someone who he won't be able to find. The look on his face fell significantly upon hearing that Jae even ordered takeout, "Jae… why do you make it sound as if it was nothing big?" His voice was hoarse from the dehydration but it still sounded pained when Jae tried to look fine when he shouldn't have to.

 Han held his hands firmly and forced the dhampir to look at him, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry for not coming home. You were waiting for me with a meal ready and I disappoint you... " There were tears present in his eyes, they were welling up and threatening to fall. "No… it's not okay, Jae. Why do you keep letting me treat you this way? It's wrong, I shouldn't be treating you this way, I'm a bad boyfriend... " It was hard to keep the tears at bay while trying to listen to Jae about his finding on Sunmin, he had to turn his face away for a brief while and inhaled deeply, "Samuel Williams… kinda sounds generic no offense, he probably pulled it out without much thought and used it for something no one would bother to investigate over" A library card and ID for bar access. "No… I think I have to face this. Let's find him, Jae. Please?"

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on December 5, 2019 at 12:56

By no means did Jae claim to be an expert in relationships, this was his first one after all, but he did like to believe by now he knew his and Han’s relationship well, it was a case of figuring things out and giving and taking with one another. It wasn’t always easy, it wasn’t always hard but to him, it was always worth it. Jae rubbed against Han’s back when he expressed that he wished he was good enough “You are good enough” he soothed him in a soft voice “If he doesn’t see that then he’s clearly blind” he assured in a gentle tone, he knew Han often had these doubts in himself and he hated how this would take a hit to his confidence. “Of course i’m biased” he teased it as he nudged his elbow against Han’s side “But that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it” the worst thing about this situation was seeing Han allow it to affect his health, that worried Jae and set him on edge, though he was glad that the Celestial was able to recognize his own lack of self-care “Well it’s not too late to turn that around, you know that” he nodded slightly, just making sure Han ate a good meal and slept at a decent time would put his mind at ease.

Looking between the painting and the star in front of him the resemblance was clear, they had been since the first time he had seen a painting of Sunmin which he supposed is what made it easier to believe he was a real person out there and not someone that Han might have dreamed up. “You do, along with those adorable cheeks” he commented with a chuckle, tracing his finger over the painting to draw the shape of Sunmin’s chin while he looked at Han “Must be weird for you to think about having a family after thinking it was just you for so long huh?” they hadn’t really talked about what all of this meant to Han yet. Jae could tell how important it was to him from the way he had acted since then, but he would like to hear the star say it out loud.

Jae had known this topic was going to come up, whether it was now and him telling Han upfront or when they got home and Han saw the table he had left set in his rush to come and find the Celestial. He saw the way Han’s face fell but what made his heart sink in his chest was hearing the words that the star spoke, the way he started to spiral the way he did, calling himself a failure, doubting himself, Jae hated it. The Dhampir shook his head lifting his hands to brush Han’s hair out of his face and then resting his hand on either side of the star’s face “Look at me” he spoke softly encouraging him to turn and face and when he did, Jae started speaking “You don’t get to tell me what makes you a good or bad boyfriend in my eyes okay, it’s up to me to decide what is and isn’t a big deal to me” he stroked gently against Han’s cheek.

“You’re going through a hard time and you need some time to breathe right now, you need to feel like you’re doing something to find a family member you feel like you lost, I understand Han” he nodded a few times “And I am not perfect either and there are going to be times I’m going to need you to be the strong one and put up with me, that’s how relationships work, we become one another’s pillar” he looked him in the eye “My love for you is not fragile baby” he spoke it in an affirming tone “and regardless of how this thing goes and what you experience, I want you to be sure of one thing in your mind, I want you to tell it yourself it and not forget it” he nodded slightly “ I am always going to be there for you” that was a promise he intended to keep. Now that he had said what he wanted to say he lowered his hands, reaching to squeeze Han’s shoulders before he nodded. Now was the time to go and look into this lead.

“Yes, let’s go find him” he spoke softly before he reached for the car door and climbed out, heading around while taking a long, deep breath because he hadn’t intended to get quite as emotional as he did. He calmed himself as he got into the driver’s seat and put the key into the engine “The library will probably be closed this late so the bar it is” he spoke softly before putting the address they were headed to into the sat nav and pulling out.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on December 5, 2019 at 16:34

How long have they been in a relationship? Han always asked himself that and every time, he would answer with a proud look and voice matching the emotion that was displayed across his face; long enough. Month by month passes by and he found themselves growing more mature and before anything, they were closing tonight a year already. This was all so new to both of them, the idea of a relationship, and Hanseol loves that. He loves that he could be real and make their path together along the journey, taking it slowly and steadily bit by bit. However, that didn't mean it has successfully shut down the door to his insecurities. Han had always doubted himself, that was one of his biggest flaws and that wasn't about to flee overnight. "I'm good enough" he repeated the same words Jae told him and nodded to himself, he was trying to convince himself that he is, in fact, good enough. 

A smile stretched out across his face when Jae nudged him back, "Of course. My boyfriend would always praise and compliment me, who else can get someone as spectacular as this?" When Jae told him it wasn't too late to turn back and improve, the Celestial hummed in affirmation, "You're right." He could already feel his tummy grumbling because the last thing he ate was a few crackers for breakfast. Han was always a big eater, he found happiness in eating, especially with such a sweet tooth but seeing as he's even starving himself because of this search, it was a big message to the Celestial himself to stop jeopardizing his own health. He nodded gently, the thought of having another family after all these years was pretty much a foreign concept to him. Celestial siblings don't come always, they were rare. But they had each other and Han admitted that bond is something he, too, was envious of. "I lived my entire life thinking I was alone. I turned 90 this year, Jae… 90. 90 years is a lonely time on your own." 

It explains when he was so elated to find out Sunmin might potentially be his brother, it all matched up. It also made sense why he felt twice sadder when Sunmin left without saying a word. He saw the expression marred on the dhampir's beautiful features, and he knew instantly that the dhampir wasn't amused by his response. Jae hated when Han doubted himself. One command was all that it takes for the fallen star to tilt his chin up to meet his eyes, his own hues depicting the expressiveness that held some many emotions and secrets that could never be revealed verbally. Jae learned to read them over the time they've been together and that meant sometimes Han didn't have to say it to mean it. Hearing Jae tell him he wasn't going to leave him no matter what happens send shivers down his spine, there were goosebumps all over his body and his lips were trembling from the overwhelming emotion taking over him, "I feel like I deserve you… but I do."

 He brought up his hand and kissed Jae's knuckles for a while longer this time as he closed his eyes, "I love you, Jae… so much." When Jae climbed out of the backseat so he could drive, Han trailed from behind and settled himself in the passenger's seat, "I'm sorry I made you drive all the way here" he quipped softly, "But thank you." His eyes fell on the navigation, he was memorizing every letter written on the address given, "Do you mind if we stop by a convenience store before the bar? I… want to get myself something" he murmured shyly and pouted, he was hungry. 

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on December 6, 2019 at 12:21

His gaze softened at the way Han spoke those words after he said them, he could tell from the way Han said them that he didn’t fully believe them the way Jae did but it was enough for him to hear it. Han had this habit of doubting himself and putting himself down and in time Jae had learned that the star did care what other people thought of him, a lot actually. It was something Jae had always tried to fight but no matter how much he tried to detach himself he still cared what those close to him though, even when he thought their opinions were wrong. “Yes you are” he spoke softly in agreement “And I will tell you that for as long as it takes for you to see it” Han had given him a lot of confidence in his own self too. Han always complimented Jae and made him feel wanted and special and he never asked him to change to fit a different box from the one he already filled.

Han’s teasing about his own worth made Jae smile “Exactly, who else is going to be this sexy and smart and caring and determined and love me” he grinned slightly as he looked back at the star because Jae honestly thought the world of him and he hoped with time Han would be able to see himself the way the Dhampir saw him. He let a slight sigh of relief out when Han agreed it wasn’t too late for him to look after his own health, the star had lost a little weight over the past few weeks and he looked a little paler than usual, his skin was colder to the touch but behind all that he was still himself and Jae was sure some warm soup, decent sleep, and a nice puffy coat would definitely make him feel a whole lot better. He went quiet, feeling his heart lurch a little when Han talked about how long he had been alone, they had known one another now for a full year and that felt like it had both flown by and been a lifetime worth if he was honest “I really wish we could have met sooner” he admitted softly, he always hated thinking about what Han must have gone through all those years and how difficult it must have been for him “Do you know what you want to say to him?” he asked it softly with a raised brow because if they only got to see him for a short time it was all going to come down to what Han said.

Jae held himself firm as he talked to the star, assuring him of the certainty he had in him and what they were building together. There was no doubt in Jae’s mind about where his place was in the world right now, it was right next to wherever Han was. Looking into his dark hues Jae saw a mix of emotions throughout his speech, he knew Sunmin had let Han down and that disappointment was weighing on him but he wanted Han to know he wasn’t a disappointment in the Dhampir’s eyes. “That’s right, you do” he spoke softly as he stroked gently against his hand “You deserve so much better than the cards the world dealt you and it’s time you started seeing that” honestly, Jae didn’t know how Han went through everything he went through and even managed to make it out the other side “I love you too” he spoke softly as he watched Han press a soft kiss against his hand again and he grinned slightly “and a bonus thought, there’s a bunch of your favorite takeaway and some really stupid electric candles waiting for us when we get back, along with two very loving furballs” when everything seemed doom and gloom Jae liked to remind Han of everything good they had going on in their lives, even if they were small.

“Well you’ve been letting me borrow the car so I don’t have to freeze my ass off in the cold on the way to university, so picking you up is the least I could do” he spoke it with a grin “and you’re welcome, you can pay me back with a nice dinner where we actually sit at the table this time” he teased as he glanced over at Han and smiled. He wasn’t expecting the star to ask him to pull over before they headed to their destination though, the surprise evident in his features before he nodded “Of course, I think there’s a 7/11 on the way” he nodded as they turned the corner and started heading across the city and before long he was pulling them up outside the little convenience store “I think I’ll come with you, I wanna get more of those lemonade drinks I’ve been hooked on lately” he laughed under his breath before climbing out of the car and waiting until Han got out before locking it behind them and heading out of the cold into the warm store.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on December 6, 2019 at 18:06

He was still learning. It wasn't easy to digest everything and make it his devotion to keep those words and rule every single day but he wanted to show it Jae that he could do it. Though he also realized that whatever he does, Jae would love him no less. That love they have for each other was so much stronger than the Celestials could even begin to comprehend. That brought some settlement in him as he let out a huge sigh of relief. Jae kept trying to convince him that feeling this or that was normal, how he shouldn't have to beat himself over it just for feeling it. He loves how he had gotten himself such a wonderful lover who wouldn't leave him even if the world cracks into two. A part of him knows that because he's probably have to tie Jae up to a wagon and send him reeling over the other side to prevent the dhampir from risking his life by sticking with him. How could he not love him?

 "Thank you Jae" he murmured gently, staring into his eyes with sincerity as a small but genuine smile crept up to his lips, how worried Jae must've been to see him breaking himself day by day like this. Han realized he didn't stop to think about the side effects which was another observation done after he behaved erratically and impulsively. "There are plenty of those people out there, good looking, sexy, lovable… but they will never love you the way I love you, I'm positive of that" Despite his many flaws and mistakes, the Celestial was more than confident to know that nobody will be able to love Jae the way he loves him. It wasn't because the dhampir didn't deserve such love, it was simply because Han sees him as his world. He had shaped the future for him and with every step he took, all he saw was Jae waiting by the end, hands waving and welcoming him into his embrace. He wasn't aware of how cold he had been earlier until he felt Jae's warm touch on his body, it was no wonder the fallen star leaned into his every touch, his own body craving that heat too apart from wanting to be close to the dhampir always. 

He bit down on his bottom lip when Jae said he wished they would've met sooner, he wasn't alone to think like that. Han, too, wished they would've met sooner. Before meeting Jae, the Celestial had spent those two years in Evermore alone, feeling slightly isolated because he didn't know where to go and what to do other than what he found in front of him. Even after knowing what to do with himself, he didn't have friends. Hell, he didn't even go and meet Ophelia personally until this year, who had then become one of his most trusted confidants. "I would be lying if I said I didn't wish we could've met sooner… but at least we found each other. Eventually, we did. And now, I'm never letting you go... " But was it lonely before? Very much so. "When I see him again, I want to ask why he left without saying any word… I want to know more about him… I want to ask him how he's been, or maybe I won't ask anything and keep the curiosity to myself because I know he would be overwhelmed by it. Maybe I'll be content with just being able to see his face alone… yeah. That works." He couldn't put his hopes into the basket. Not too much. He'll end up getting hurt and Han didn't want that. His heart is already as fragile as it is.

 The Celestial could feel himself trembling underneath Jae's touch when the dhampir told him he deserved so much better than what the world gave him, making him nod softly, "I… I deserve better" he mumbled to himself. They take even the smallest things and turned it into something so big and significant, Han loves that about them. It was why the gesture of kissing each other's hands became their tradition; their display of the biggest form of affection, the one that symbolizes their love. "My favorite takeaway? Jae, you didn't have to" he was in awe, of course, his boyfriend would do that. Why was he even surprised? Jae had always done so much to impress and please him. "As much as I love those two devilish furballs, I think I can do fine today when we get back home without them" he purred. He was already making future plans for a dinner to make up to Jae, he would have to go back into the land of the internet and search for some reason recipes. 

He tried to suppress a sheepish grin and the blush on his cheeks when his stomach growled louder, and practically skipped towards the convenience store, originally trailing behind Jae but soon passed over to the instant noodles section. "You mean the beverage I brought home the other day? Yeah, Yeon introduced me to that. Wait, were you the ones who finished the stock inside the fridge? Jae" he covered his mouth as if he just got betrayed badly before pouting, "I thought I drank them without remembering… I don't sleepwalk but I totally thought I did... " There was that priceless look on Han's face who was holding a cup of instant noodles in his right hand. 

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on December 7, 2019 at 12:19

He had to admit, it felt nice for his efforts to be recognized by Han with a thank you but he didn’t need it to know he had done the right thing but being supportive but not smothering the star during this harder time. One thing he had noticed about Han was how he always needed space to handle his own headspace and that talking about it too soon could often do more damage than help to the star which is why no matter how much Jae wanted to know how Han was feeling and talk it through with him, he allowed Han the space he needed. But there was also a limit to his patience when it came to Han letting his own health suffer and that was why he needed to be by the star’s side tonight. He felt his heart clench in his chest from the way Han spoke about someone else never being able to love him the way he did and he gave a soft smile back to him “That’s right, there’s nothing in the world that could compare to this” he pointed to the left side of Han’s chest and then to his own and nodded.

Truth was, even in the time they broke up earlier this year Jae knew that, he knew that Han had claimed a space in his heart which could never be taken by another because he was the man who had shown him what love is, he had come along and changed Jae’s life in small but meaningful ways, because of him, Jae had accepted his own sexuality and the person he was, because of him, Jae felt more confident than ever in his writing to the point where he could now share it with others without feeling the sense of dread he always did before. Because of him he felt warm and loved every time he went to sleep and even the nights they couldn’t be together Han would send him good morning and good night texts which reminder the Dhampir he was never alone “But then I also wouldn’t like to imagine our story any differently to the way it is right now” he admitted with a soft smile.

Hearing Han say out loud what he wanted to say to the other Celestial told Jae what he needed to know about how Han felt towards Sunmin, he could tell in some small way, Han cared about him and it didn’t matter what the kid had done to wrong him, he would forgive him. That was the kind of person Han was though, he wanted to believe the good in people even when he saw the worst of them and he was so family-oriented that he would stand by those he considered his family endlessly “Is it about wanting to know he’s real? Or is it that you hope that you can have a relationship of some kind?” he trailed his hand slowly against Han’s, playing with his fingers a little absentmindedly as they talked “I just wanna understand where your mind is at baby” it wasn’t a secret that Jae didn’t think the world of Sunmin after what he did to Han but he also couldn’t blame Han if he did.

He could feel the way Han was practically shaking under his touch which made his heart lurch a little in his chest, he could see how emotional the star was just by holding his gaze for a brief moment “You do” Jae returned the favor, lifting Han’s hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss against it before lowering it and smiling, it was their silent way of saying I love you, I’m here for you, you mean the world to me and everything else. “Oh believe me I wanted to, I started missing the fried chicken because we hadn’t had it in a while, I was so tempted to eat some when it arrived” he laughed softly, but he knew he would have ended up eating some of Han’s too which was a big no-no. “You know I think they missed you, Yeontan even behaved all of today and didn’t break anything which isn’t like him at all” though he had to admit he liked the sound of a night where it was just them for a little while.

He had to laugh as he watched Han practically skipping ahead of him, suddenly having a spring in his step again as he headed into the store. Jae shook his head slightly as he followed him inside, hovering around the drinks section and looking over all the colored bottles before finding the ones he had been looking for and grabbing several, he was blushing by the time he heard Han realize he had been the one who tore through the stash of drinks, he gave a slightly shifty look “Well I was only going to have one but then it was so good and before I knew it they were all gone” he bit his lip and picked a couple of extra bottles so he could pay Han back for some of them, only he hadn’t picked up a basket so he was cradling the drinks like a baby and one was propped under his chin but now he was committed “Are you going to use the coffee machine to get the hot water?” he asked looking at the cup of noodles Han was holding and attempting to avert the subject.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on December 7, 2019 at 20:00

He was thankful that Jae decided to give him space to breathe on his own, there were times when the Celestial just wanted to be left alone and Jae respected those wishes. He left him alone when the time calls for it. But when he was slowly deteriorating his own health, all the effects sounded too risky and detrimental to the fallen star,  which was probably why Jae chose to step in and Han wasn't surprised nor was he in any position to say no to his advances. He had to remind himself that this is his boyfriend, his most trusted confidant, the love of his life that he would do anything for. If he couldn't give him this truth, then what can he give him? If anything, he realized he was more than happy to bask in the warmth Jae exuded when he came to comfort him. He didn't deserve such a man but be loves that he was told by Jae over and over again how he deserves him. His breath hitched when Jae pointed to the left side of his chest, where his heart lies, it was at that exact moment when his heart started thudding rapidly. It was as if he was that guy who first fell in love with Jae all that while ago. 

There were plenty of reasons why Jae became the center of everything for Han, could the Celestial function without the dhampir? Yes, he can. Of course, he can. But does he want to? Possibly not. Jae's presence in his life has taught him so many things he never thought he would learn. Han learned to appreciate the smallest things and make it as significant as every big thing because they deserve the same equal love shared. Because of Jae, he was able to find more love within himself. Because of Jae, he was able to come to terms that the world may not be so lenient on him but that doesn't mean he could give up. It was no surprise that Jae became his safe place, whenever he wanted good sleep, he would always have Jae's arms wrapped around him and sometimes the dhampir would even hum in his ears. Han, in return, would also sing lullabies to the other male when they were cuddling together to go to sleep. 

"Our story is pretty much cliche and I love it that it is. A guy who fell for me quite literally. It's a cute story" he giggled and scrunched his nose up at the mere thought of it. Oh, it felt so long ago. "I have a feeling that you're not having a good picture of Sunmin right now, are you?" he quipped softly, especially with how it's going on, Jae probably didn't like the other Celestial. "I want to know if he's real… if I do have a brother and that he's actually real. Do I hope or wish to have some sort of a relationship with him? I'd be lying if I said no… but I understand where he stands. I will respect that. I know it sounds like I'm more invested in the idea of him rather his actual self, but I don't want to cross my boundaries. I'm content with knowing he's real and he exists." And it takes a lot from Han to act on that, considering he usually couldn't let people go so easily. 

He sighed softly when Jae confessed he only wished to know where his mind is at, which made the Celestial intertwine their fingers together and Han to turn to his side and smile gently, "You're worrying over me. I like that you do. But don't worry too much, Jae, I'm still fine. A bit upset and lost maybe, but I'll find my way back. You'll help me find my way back" It didn't occur to him just how badly Han needed Jae. He had been part of his life and he couldn't see anywhere else without the dhampir awaiting him. To lose him would mean to lose himself. "You should've just eaten it, is my baby hungry now? Has he eaten hm?" he patted Jae's stomach and leaned against his shoulder, "You can come accompany me to eat. I know it's not that candle-lit dinner we were supposed to have but… next time I'll make it up to you, I promise." Upon hearing that Yeontan behaved very well today had surprised Han, "Oh wow… guess I'll give him some treats when I get back then. A little spoiling never hurt, right? But then it's going to be me and you, only. The two of us, behind closed doors and definitely locked because Byul is smart enough to open the door." 

The expression on Han who was currently holding instant noodle cups upon realizing Jae stole his stash was priceless and funny. Han looked like a betrayed puppy. "I was only going to have one" he mimicked and rolled his eyes on feigned annoyance, "That's what they all say" A huff was elicited as he settled on the instant noodle flavor he wanted. Initially, he was going to sulk a while longer but it was hard not to soften at the sight of Jae holding onto all those extra bottles cutely, making him sigh as he placed his instant noodle cup aside and scooped a few from Jae's grasp, "I can't even sulk longer than a minute with you can I? That is so annoying… " When asked if he was going to use the coffee machine for hot water, he nodded and grabbed the basket to put all the bottles in alongside a few snacks. "If you haven't eaten, please come join me, hm?" He was holding out another instant noodle cup to Jae cutely, it was Jae's favorite flavor and brand. 

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on December 8, 2019 at 13:09

When Jae came to Evermore a year ago, he had been a young man looking for his future, he was beginning his course at Evermore university and trying to figure out who he was now he had stepped out of the shadow of his elder siblings. He never expected to find the person he was today, this person was the same person he was before but things had changed, he was still goofy and fun, he still did everything he could to make a person smile but now there were people who he couldn’t even stand to see sad. He still cared what others around him thought of him but he had learned to not change himself if someone didn’t like him, because what was the point of denying who he was when it would find a way to show itself in other ways? Being with someone so accepting of Jae the way he was had brought out such a confidence in him that he almost felt like he was a stronger and better version of himself now, one who was learning to love himself for who he really was, not what other people thought he was.

“They say all young love is cliche” he responded with a laugh and shrugged “But they don’t talk about half Valkyr and Fallen Stars in those stories do they?” it was his way of saying that even if their story sounded generic or boring you only had to look one level deeper to realize what they had was really unique. “I’ve enjoyed figuring out this relationship thing with you” he spoke it softly, did they have any idea what they were supposed to do? Absolutely not. Were they trying anyway? Yes. His smile faltered a little when Han asked him his own opinion of Sunmin, truthfully Jae had been trying to remain neutral on the topic because he didn’t want Han to feel like two people important to him disliked one another “I just can’t bring myself to like the idea of someone who could hurt you like that” he admitted with a nod “But then I tell myself that I’m sure he had his reasons so I’m willing to give him a chance” but if he hurt Han again it would be the last time.

Jae watched Han as he talked about the other star, he’d gotten pretty good at reading Han’s emotions from the way he spoke and acted while he talked and all he could sense was sincerity in his voice right now “Sounds like you’ve really thought about this” he spoke softly, he knew the star could be impulsive at times so he was glad to hear the depth of thought he’d put into what could happen “I just know how...tightly you hold onto things and how hard it might be for you to let go” he spoke it softly and nodded and who could blame him after everything that seemed to be in reach ended up fading away in his past. Jae took a long breath when Han pointed out he was worrying over him and asked him not to worry too much “I just wanna make sure you’re okay, that you know I’m here the moment you need me, but also that I’ll give you the space you need to navigate this” he glanced down at their joined fingers and nodded softly “I’ll always be waiting for you” he spoke it softly and squeezed his hands, Jae was a patient soul and he knew Han was worth waiting for.

He grinned sheepishly when Han asked him if he was hungry only to laugh batting at his hands when he patted his stomach “Stop” he jested with a laugh shaking his head “Okay I’m a little hungry I’m not wasting away” he laughed and shook his head slightly from side to side “Okay we can have a very romantic 7/11 date huh” he pressed his lips together and smiled because as long as he was with Han he didn’t really care what they ate or where, his whole motivation tonight was getting to spend time with the Celestial and that was exactly what he was getting now. “I think he’s learned when he behaves he gets extra rewards” he commented with a chuckle “And we knew how much he likes those liver treats you got the other day” he nodded a few times “But yes. I wouldn’t complain about a little alone time” he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek “Or a lot of alone time” he spoke in a lower voice before moving away.

Seeing the way Han looked so shocked and upset about him stealing all the drinks made him widen his eyes in panic as he loaded more of them into his arms “I’ll get you more, you have can have some” he pressed his lips together because he felt bad now, he had just gotten hooked on the taste and found it hard to resist them. Eventually though Han reached to take some of the bottles from him and Jae grinned slightly over at him “I mean you could sulk for longer if you wanted but...then you could just have a lemonade and be happy instead?” he looked back at Han and gave a lopsided smile when the star held up his favorite instant noodle flavor “You’re so good at remembering little details” he spoke softly before taking it, they both headed up to the cash desk and paid for their items before bagging them and heading over to the little coffee area and making up their cups with the hot water and then grabbing a plastic spoon to eat it with “In hindsight probably not the most practical choice for dinner” he teased with a laugh as he attempted to pick up noodles with the spoon.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on December 10, 2019 at 16:43

A year ago, he would've never thought the guy that tripped on him would become more than his friend. Jae was quite possibly the first genuine friend he's made ever since making a home here in the eternal city and god did he love their time together. The literature major guy that quite literally swept him off his feet when he kissed him in the dojo, Han would never be able to forget that moment. Ever. It was forever embedded in his head and everytime he thought about it, he would have this stupid grin on his face. Now, almost a year later, they've gone through plenty of troubles along the way but they prevailed eventually, which was why the two of them were still consoling and comforting each other with ease right now. He was so thankful to have him in his life, Han could no longer picture a life without the dhampir in sight and whenever he tried, it hurts knowing that it may happen. Perhaps they may not end up together, after all. Though Han was quick to dismiss all of those thoughts and shut them down with a scowl. He loves everything about the dhampir. 

"Right, they don't have half Valkyr and fallen stars falling in love with each other, look at us being the trendsetters… paving the way for the future" he cooed, yeah, he may be a fallen star who has plenty of trouble tailing him wherever he goes, but at least he's got his dhampir with him to protect him and love him till the end of the time, right? "We're close to one year of friendship already, and how many months since our official relationship where I totally declared you my boyfriend? 9 months, baby" Admittedly, they went through a period of one month after breaking up but even so, it'll be 8 months and that was still a feat for him. The idea of Jae intervening liking Sunmin does bother him, not that he would ever choose between them, but it does make him feel slightly disheartened because they are very important to him. So when Jae told him he wanted the best for him, Han beamed and gave him a quick peck against the lips, "That's my man." Permanency is not something he was used to. It's a foreign concept for the Celestial and to have something that could be forever with Jae, he was delighted with the idea of it. 

"Yeah, I can't let go as easy as I thought I could. I don't know why, maybe it's because I didn't want to let go of something I've worked hard on?" That was one way to phrase it. "I've never had something of my own in the entirety of my life. Of course, I won't let go of it." To have something or someone, to know you have such a hold on it, it makes him feel good. "Thank you for being patient with me. For respecting me by giving me space to think. To come to me when you know enough is enough. See, I told you that you're my Anpanman" he nudged playfully while their fingers were still very much intertwined. A giggle escaped him when Jae brushed at him to stop patting his stomach, which only drove him to do it even more, "Not an ideal date but I'll make up to you. I promise. But for now, you're gonna have to settle today watch me stuff my face with instant noodles and snacks from 7/11 because that's about to happen." With the way his stomach is desperately asking for something to devour? For sure.

 Yeontan is a smart Pomeranian, the same goes for Byul. The two dogs were fiercely protective and very smart, Han knew that, and reading them sometimes to see the outcome of it is always enjoyable. "Clever dog. Wonder who he learned it from" He was blushing when Jae pressed a kiss to his cheek while pointing out that he would enjoy some alone time for a while, but Han was quick to swallow hard when his voice dropped. He is not a teenager, he reminded himself. Control your hormones, star, he growled to himself. The look on Jae when he was struggling to get more of the bottle would've had him rolling down on the floor in laughter had it not been to him already occupying his hands with instant noodle cups. "You're right, I'd rather have my lemonade and be happy with my cute boyfriend" After they paid and scurried over to the hot water section, Han was already tearing the lid off and got the spoon out to pick the noodles before taking his first bite, "Practical is overrated, besides it's ramen, ramen is always an exception to every rule of the world." Han totally forgot it was still hot and the scalding water burned his tongue as he whimpered, "Ugh. Today is such a bad day… is it a Tuesday?"

DhampirPermalink Reply by ✓ Jaesung Moon on December 11, 2019 at 12:34

Jae grinned and then nodded slightly when Han repeated what he said as though it was a fact “We’re definitely unique in many ways” it definitely wasn’t the easiest thing, loving a fallen star, because you had to live with this constant fear that something might happen to them and for someone who was as protective as Jae was, that was an unnerving feeling but he always tried to push that feeling aside because he knew it wasn’t Han’s fault. When Han said they had known one another for a year and been dating for 9 months Jae nodded slightly “The time really has flown away hasn’t it?” he was already one year into his program which meant it was only two more before his parents would expect him to come home. So much had changed in a year, he couldn’t even imagine how much more would in another two. It also wasn’t easy for him to accept someone who had hurt Han from the very moment he met him, even before that if you counted stealing his painting but Jae wasn’t going to invalidate Han’s feelings about his potential family either, his gaze dropped as Han pressed a sweet kiss to his lips and then he smiled softly.

Jae nodded a few times as Han tried to explain his rationale behind not being able to let go of this, he could understand where the other male was coming from with his explanation but he also knew there was more to it than that “It’s okay to admit that you want him to like you, you know” he smiled kinda sadly because he was sure that was the reason, who wouldn’t want to be seen as good in the eyes of their family. But he was right, Han had very little to his name up until a few years ago and it was evident in the way he was now that everything he did have was now precious to him. He beamed back at the star when he called him his Anpanman “Well I told you I’d always protect you, that includes your heart” he squeezed his hand softly and nodded. As they wandered around the shop he couldn’t help but be struck with how mundane things in their life could feel special just because it was simply the two of them, that was what he had missed most the past few weeks “Well at least here you can get pretty much any junk food you want and it's a good price” he chuckled softly, sometimes he preferred coming to the store and buying a bunch of snacks to eat on the couch at home over going out to eat anywhere.

“This is the one behavior of his I’ll take credit for” he teased with a laugh because Han always had this theory that pets were like their owners and took their behaviors from them which Jae refuted most of the time considering Yeontan could be incredibly mischievous and even destructive. “I’ve been working on rewarding him extra when he doesn’t steal my slippers at least” he couldn’t even remember the number of times he’d had to chase him around the house to get them back “His mouth isn’t even big enough to carry them properly” he grumbled as they headed over to the coffee machine and made up their ramen pots. It seemed Han was better at scooping up his noodles than Jae was, or perhaps just more ravenous because the star was downing them pretty fast “Careful you don’t get a stomach ache from eating too fast” he teased as he finally managed to wrap some of his around the spoon and eat it after blowing on it. Seeing Han as he whimpered because his was too hot he sighed softly “I swear you have a vendetta against Tuesdays” he commented with a laugh taking another mouthful and savoring the taste “Do you have ID on you?” he commented between mouthfuls “They’re definitely going to card us at the bar” he commented always noting how youthful Han looked. Especially so as he munched on noodles like there was no tomorrow.

CelestialPermalink Reply by ✓ Hanseol Park on December 13, 2019 at 16:25

Han likes the idea of being so exclusive and so unique that there would only be one of them; one Jaesung Moon and one Hanseol Park, and most importantly, one Hansung. "And I like that we are." He knew he wasn't the easiest guy to handle yet Jae handled him with his own way, and it worked. He will never stop being amazed with how well Jae seemed to know him inside and out, so every step the dhampir took, every gesture, it was so much appreciated by the Celestial. "I actually didn't even realized it's been a year ever since… it felt like it was just yesterday." Now look at them, totally boyfriends with their dogs. Jae is studying diligently and Han is also close to his own finals which would also mark his last year, who knows if he'll be promoted. He wondered what more was in store for them for another year. Han wasn't naive, he knew it couldn't have been easy for Jae to accept or tolerate someone who had seemingly hurt the Celestial for weeks just by disappearing, but the fact that he did it for him made Han feel so grateful that Jae loves him that much. He won't let him down. 

It was then that he promised himself whatever comes out of this search, he'll accept it. If Sunmin doesn't want him around, he will respect it and leave. "I do want him to like me, Jae. What kind of brother wouldn't want his own sibling to like him? Look at you and Eun. Even with Hyunsik and Ahri… you love them. You want your siblings to accept you and when I saw Eun being so accepting and happy for you, I saw the look on your face. You looked so relieved and elated, like a burden was lifted off." Han wasn't saying that he couldn't count on Jae to share his stories, he's told Jae plenty and will continue to do so in the future, but there are certain things he wanted to share with a brother too. "I don't have anyone affiliated to me. I don't have any parents, I didn't get my name from my father. I didn't carry my surname because it's his surname. Actually, my father's family name is Cho" he chuckled, "Who gave me my name? I don't know. And it makes you feel lost sometimes…" 

He had to admit that the fact they could make a 7/11 date work and make it look as romantic as any other dates made him grin in amusement, at this point, anything works for them. "Don't eat those junk food too much babe, you're on a diet remember" he teased, there was that one time when Jae insisted he was on all meat and vegetable diet only. Han never stopped teasing him about it after tempting him with food he cooked. When Jae said he would take responsibility for Yeontan's behavior, he snorted, "Why did you think I gave his ownership to you on your birthday?" He remembered seeing Yeontan hopping around with Jae's slippers and surprisingly, Han did nothing to stop the small fluff even when he heard Jae complaining about it, "If stealing your slippers mean he'll stop stealing my blanket, sure, I'll sacrifice you willingly."

 The Celestial paid no mind to Jae's warning that came a second too late because he was already devouring the food like it was his last meal or his first one after a while, "You couldn't have said that earlier before I dived in?" he pouted and whined after pushing his food away to let it cool down for a brief while before his hand reached over for one of the lemonade bottles and took a sip, "Please, my Tuesdays are awful. Everything about Tuesday is awful. Remember how many Tuesday dates I had to cancel because the weather hates me? Or when you kept sneezing because of the pollen? Or when Yeontan thought he was a superhero and jumped off the stairs and I had to heal his leg? Has anything good ever occurred for us on a Tuesday? Preferably for me?" He grumbled exasperatedly and dragged the ramen back, making sure to blow on it a few times before eating it. When asked if he had his ID on him, he nodded, "I carry my wallet around always. My driver's license and ID is there." No matter how mature he got over the year, Han is still passable for 18 or 19. "The other day my colleague said I had the energy of a broke student, what does that mean?" 

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